Wanker and Intimacy: Burglary [gone sexual]

Burglary [gone sexual]

By Anonymous - 01/12/2010 05:11 - United States

Today, two guys broke into my apartment to rob me at gunpoint. While I was wanking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 257

You deserved it 11 847

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 20/10/2009 10:56 - Australia

Today, my house got robbed, while I was upstairs taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 225

You deserved it 6 134

By Starving Ultimatum - 02/09/2011 01:55 - United States

Today, I was robbed while recovering from a robbery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 943

You deserved it 3 127

By mike oxsmall - 16/06/2011 05:42 - United States

Today, I woke up to a burglar holding a gun. He yelled at me to get up so I did. He then paused and laughed. I was sleeping naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 051

You deserved it 6 556

By Mike - 25/04/2011 21:39

Today, my house was robbed while I sat helplessly on the toilet with violent diarrhoea. I could hear them laughing hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 743

You deserved it 6 397

By iliketoastalot - 09/08/2011 17:38 - United States

Today, my boyfriend got arrested. For robbing my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 645

You deserved it 5 909

By Anonymous - 19/10/2018 14:00

Today, I was in the middle of a wank when my home's back door, which is always locked, suddenly opened and someone walked in. I’m not sure who was more surprised: me or the new maintenance guy who saw me wanking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 334

You deserved it 641

By Anonymous - 28/04/2013 19:53 - Saudi Arabia

Today, I got caught masturbating, twice, by the same person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 263

You deserved it 75 721

By Anonymous - 11/05/2012 00:28 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I was heading back to my apartment and I heard noises behind the front door. Assuming it was the surprise party I'd hinted at, I flicked on the lights… as two heavy guys pushed past me. I was robbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 558

You deserved it 2 324

Great timing

By alo1434 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got mugged. As the guys who took my purse were about to walk away, my cellphone rang in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 006

You deserved it 3 371

By Anonymous - 26/06/2015 16:29 - United States - Woodland

Today, my house was robbed while I was at work. The robber left a note telling me my stuff was crappy and that they found my safe under the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 652

You deserved it 2 160

firemanrob 0

Wednesday 1 December 2010 12:04

haha you should of used your penis as a gun cocked it and shot **** in there face

x_Cupcakes 0

Wednesday 1 December 2010 12:03

Haha! Did they join you?

Comments

pacino101 0

Wednesday 1 December 2010 12:41

I have never heard anything so awkward... bahahahahahahaha !!!

hussbogman 0

Wednesday 1 December 2010 12:42

lol hilarious

rattusrattus 18

Wednesday 1 December 2010 12:42

Goodness, doesn't ANYONE respect a good wank anymore? :P

jagd 0

Wednesday 1 December 2010 12:44

burglars cum and burglars go

BeastNerd 3

Sunday 5 December 2010 11:07

ROFL ^^ :D.

bella789 8

Monday 14 March 2011 1:58

hahaha so true (;

you_freak 7

Wednesday 1 December 2010 12:45

Did this FML have a happy ending?

jagd 0

Wednesday 1 December 2010 12:47

more like a happy tissue

WhiiT3TiGeR 0

Thursday 2 December 2010 0:47

Your puns and "jokes" are making me cry just stop. Please do it for society.

Kraly 0

Wednesday 1 December 2010 12:46

I agree with 2, shoot em in the face with **** then your penis will be a hero!

GeeTeeEffOh 0

Wednesday 1 December 2010 12:59

So... did you finish?

HOHOHOhamster 0

Wednesday 1 December 2010 12:59

maybe they wanted to rob your sperm ;)

ImCanadianEh 0

Wednesday 1 December 2010 13:04

Then stuff it back in your pants, fool! xP

skankster823 0

Wednesday 1 December 2010 13:07

you could used ur sticky hands to climb up and stick to the roof so they wouldn't see yah

Ctwebsyter 0

Wednesday 1 December 2010 16:22

...and thus 'Spiderman' was born.

Kyto7884 0

Wednesday 1 December 2010 20:51

.... LOL!!!!! LMAO xD

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Weddings My ex Love AITA Jealousy Friends Poopoo peepee Embarrassing Health Relatable Mental health Therapy Argument Parenting Kids Thanksgiving Covid Medication Ironic Cute Sports Proposal Cold weather Annoying Snow Cheating Work Money

The Top

Today, my mom picked my ex-boyfriend up early from school to take him to see a special screening of a documentary that's showing in town. She left me after school for an hour and a half because they ended up going out for coffee afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 157

You deserved it 2 693

Today, I was terribly late for class, so I rushed to the classroom door, thinking it was unlocked. I smacked face-first into the glass, and awkwardly fell to the floor. Once I got back up, I peeked through the glass, only to realise it wasn't even my class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 652

You deserved it 8 783

The Top

Today, I discovered that the reason the phone I've had for a year takes such terrible and cloudy pictures is because I never took the plastic coating off the lens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 722

You deserved it 36 097

Today, a girl in my class turned around and said, "Wow, you've got your photo on a rubber! That's amazing!" The rubber was designed to look like a £10 note, and the picture was of the Queen of England. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 061

You deserved it 2 513

Today, I was at my Mandarin teacher's house. I had diarrhoea and had to go to the toilet. My mum texted me while I was still in the toilet saying, "We all heard you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 614

You deserved it 2 726

Today, as usual, I work nights and sleep during the day. I found out that my brother uses my car and never puts gas in it when he called me for the first time to actually ask me if he could borrow my car, and also to lend him $20 to put gas in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 895

You deserved it 136

Today, my dad finally added me on Facebook, When I looked through his photos, I quickly noticed he'd heavily photoshopped the photos I'm in to make me look prettier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 740

You deserved it 3 187

Today, I had to sit in the hospital with my 88-year-old grandfather by myself. During the five hours I was there, he insisted on sharing the intimate details of his many sexcapades that he has had since World War II. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 533

You deserved it 3 118

Burglary [gone sexual]

Same thing different taste

Great timing

Top comments

Comments