Health: Captain Badass

Captain Badass

By NotAsToughAsHeThinks - 14/02/2011 03:25 - United States

Today, a man pulled me violently into an alleyway and informed me I was being mugged. Being a body-builder, I said, "Oh yeah? Go on then." He kicked my ass in a matter of seconds, stole my wallet, then farted on my bruised face. He called me a wimp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 162

You deserved it 54 043

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 30/04/2012 21:46 - United States - Tampa

Today, I was walking home, when I saw a homeless man trying to tear the wallet out of another guy's hand. I can't stand bums, so I smacked him across the jaw. That's when the other one kneed me in the balls and made off with my wallet as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 815

You deserved it 43 271

By Tanner - 16/07/2011 06:23 - United States

Today, I got mugged. I also got an extra kick in the face for not having money in my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 449

You deserved it 3 684

By whathehell - 27/04/2013 08:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking through a rough part of town, when a woman screamed that I'd stolen her bag. I was tackled to the ground by a large guy, who then gave my bag to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 141

You deserved it 3 643

By Anonymous - 16/02/2012 03:59 - United States

Today, feeling out of shape, I went for a jog. I got mugged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 295

You deserved it 2 904

By I already have one, thanks - 09/08/2014 05:59 - Australia - Mosman

Today, at the bank, some poor bastard got brutally dumped in front of everyone, prompting some total spastic behind me to cough and mockingly say "Loser!" The guy thought I'd said it, and started shoving me around and threatening to tear me a new asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 337

You deserved it 3 085

By punchedhelper - 20/06/2012 23:27 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I saw an old man struggling with three bags, so I offered to carry them for him. He must not have heard me because when I bent down to take the bags, he thought I was stealing them and punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 239

You deserved it 4 097

By the_lameo_geek - 21/10/2013 02:16 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I was mugged in a public bathroom. All I had on me was a plastic sheriff's badge, so I gave it to them. They laughed me out of the restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 047

You deserved it 4 048

By Anonymous - 16/09/2014 14:34 - United States - Wallingford

Today, I was mugged. I saw a cop car in the aftermath and flagged it down. Unfortunately, when the cops stopped the mugger, he said he'd been running away because I tried to mug him. Apparently the fact that he was "well-dressed" and I wasn't means he was telling the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 073

You deserved it 3 223

MMA FML

By ThatEndedWell - 07/01/2019 22:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I decided to challenge the jerk jock at work to a fight, since he kept poking fun at me for being a weakling. Having started taking MMA classes, I was confident I'd make him eat his words. Just my luck, he's an MMA instructor and kicked my ass effortlessly. Not what I had planned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 167

You deserved it 4 616

By insomnitude - 05/03/2011 06:55 - United States

Today, I got mugged by a midget. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 774

You deserved it 13 804

allmidnighteyes 10

Monday 14 February 2011 9:09

Your ego appears to be bigger than your muscles.

folgy 10

Monday 14 February 2011 9:08

i know it would suck being mugged but just because your a body builder dont mean you can kick everyones ass

Comments

xxxJORDYBEARxxx 0

Monday 14 February 2011 9:38

careful what you wish for

coolkid_matt 11

Monday 14 February 2011 9:51

jo929 6

Monday 14 February 2011 10:00

you're lucky he didn't have a gun or some other weapon! try not to be a smart ass if someone is pointing a gun at you...

cavalos94 0

Monday 14 February 2011 10:01

**** that's clever... *like*

sammiller4 3

Monday 14 February 2011 10:05

why would you say I dare you in a situation like that

meezydagreat 0

Monday 14 February 2011 10:10

muscle don't mean shit ydi

FAdEDz 0

Monday 14 February 2011 10:19

hey thanks for the hello kitty wallet!!! ;x

KiwiExchange 16

Monday 14 February 2011 10:20

fail.

Ikura 4

Monday 14 February 2011 10:21

Try learning some self-defense, or instead of running your mouth, punch him in the throat as hard as you can.

muchagente 5

Monday 14 February 2011 10:25

"...and informed me I was being mugged." - i liked that bit.

tona01 16

Monday 14 February 2011 13:23

yeah me too - i am very sorry to inform you sir, that you are about to be mugged by me, and i do hope you know it is nothing personal

Zebidee 8

Monday 14 February 2011 13:29

You are cordially invited to a mugging. Location: Darkened alley Time: 9PM to 9:01 Dress: Smart casual Canapés and ass-whipping to follow. RSVP: RIGHT NOW ************!!!