Intimacy: Classy - FML

Classy

By Username - 07/06/2011 06:51 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when he sweetly whispered in my ear, "It's not gonna suck itself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 979

You deserved it 13 039

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 07/04/2015 21:00 - Canada - Calgary

Spicy

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 026

You deserved it 4 681

Superfuzz Big Muff

By miiiiilk - 05/12/2010 11:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 655

You deserved it 9 534

Wax on, wax off

By Bllllaaaaaah - 24/09/2019 04:01 - United States - Juno

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting it on. At one point, he started to kiss my ear. Then, he stopped, went into the bathroom, and came out with about four Q-tips. He then said to me, "Just take care of your ears, then I'll continue." FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 2 068

Narcissism

By during - 19/05/2010 12:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, while me and my boyfriend were having sex, he moaned out his own name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 453

You deserved it 7 332

By dummy - 17/02/2012 00:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky in bed. He mumbled something that sounded like "I love you." I replied "I love you too baby", to which he laughed then said, "I said I wanted you to blow me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 733

You deserved it 5 666

By Anonymous - 29/06/2010 17:34 - Canada

Spicy

Today, after going down on my boyfriend, we were cuddling and I went to kiss him. Just before I could reach his lips, he ran his finger over my mouth and whispered, "S-s-s-semen." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 734

You deserved it 25 776

By Anonymous - 14/03/2011 19:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 960

You deserved it 14 588

By katie - 25/05/2011 08:23

Spicy

Today, as my girlfriend and I were making love, and she started to moan and groan. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "I'm lying, you suck at this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 973

You deserved it 19 174

By Sharibabi65 - 07/03/2012 06:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I told my fiancé I wanted to hear something romantic. He said, "My dick loves your mouth." I guess that's as good as it's going to get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 454

You deserved it 6 852

Acting is hard work

By S. Dub - 10/04/2020 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me that I needed to moan louder so that he knew I was enjoying it. Reluctantly, I put a little 'umph' into my moans during the next round. He pulled out and said, "It's just awkward now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 953

You deserved it 307

Next

Top comments

Fx13mz 7

Tuesday 7 June 2011 11:56

I'm stealing that line from him.

ambowew 7

Tuesday 7 June 2011 11:58

Time to point to his hand and say 'no, but you're gonna be shaking it yourself tonight.'

Comments

DizzydotW 0

Friday 10 June 2011 8:03

Politely tell him it's not gonna lick itself lol

ErinKidCannibal_fml 0

Friday 10 June 2011 9:11

LOLOLOL

Davros 12

Friday 10 June 2011 20:38

I have that shirt and used that line often. It got me married.

marie12bebe 0

Saturday 11 June 2011 3:41

every man says that, grow a pair and suck it

SincerelyPsych 0

Saturday 11 June 2011 5:30

lmbo! I so wish he was my boy friend. that is a win!

SincerelyPsych 0

Saturday 11 June 2011 5:34

that sounds like something from scary movie

sblylaw 0

Saturday 11 June 2011 6:44

it's a little blunt, that's all. I've been making out with my boyfriend when he said "suck it baby" trying to be sexy. he's just stating what he wants. which means you should give him what he wants!

SamanthaLovr 0

Sunday 12 June 2011 19:31

I'd be like I begg to differ! let's watch and see

mematteden 2

Monday 13 June 2011 0:38

well he was right :)

blackopsnc 2

Monday 13 June 2011 5:34

Just U + UR Hand, boy

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The Top

Today, my daughter came home in tears, completely distraught. It took half an hour to convince her to tell me what was wrong. What horrific thing happened to her? One of her friends wore the same outfit as her to the movies, and apparently that's a betrayal of their friendship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 924

You deserved it 4 073

Ahoy ship's boys and girls ! Today we're heading to France. Be ready to face rain, storm and beer because Lille is welcoming us, and believe me, it's not Los Angeles. Do you all have your raincoats? -Bonjour ! First of all, present yourself ma jol...

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 16

The Top

Today, my parents told me that they've been having a contest to see who could punish me the most this week. So far, my mom is in the lead by kicking me out of the car near railroad tracks, and making me walk the 4 miles home in the freezing rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 955

You deserved it 3 358

Today, I interviewed three elderly residents at a nursing home, hoping to use the transcript for a very important paper due next week. It went great, so I wrapped up and drove home. I sat down to start typing, and realized that my recording had stopped ten minutes in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 004

You deserved it 6 096

Today, I left the iron and ironing board in my room. While I was at school, my mom decided to do some ironing, and did it in my room for convenience. The iron needed water, so she took a water bottle from my dresser and poured it in. It was my secret vodka stash, and the iron caught on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 701

You deserved it 78 900

Today, I was told by my mother that the reason she quit her job as a counselor and divorced my dad was because she met someone through work. She works in a prison. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 802

You deserved it 2 295

Today, my four roommates and I contracted lice. While all our heads were slathered in mayonnaise and saran wrap, our building's fire alarm went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 323

You deserved it 3 532

Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 815

You deserved it 3 069