Health: Crushed

Crushed

By Anonymous - 12/08/2012 23:08 - United States - Saddle Brook

Today, while on my morning jog, I turned a corner, and out of nowhere, the business end of a bicycle hit me straight in the nuts. As I collapsed, gasping in agony, the guy who just killed a hundred million of my potential children got back on his bike and cycled away without a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 473

You deserved it 2 321

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Same thing different taste

By fuck right off - 04/04/2015 17:32 - United Kingdom - Coalville

Today, as I was walking to work, a cyclist shot out of nowhere and slammed into me. I hit the ground hard and lay there in agony. The guy quickly dusted himself off, said "Sorry man. It's a vicious cycle." then chuckled at his own stupid pun and cycled away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 537

You deserved it 3 025

By i hit a cyclist - 27/05/2013 11:19 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I accidentally hit a cyclist with my car. In panic, I jumped out of my car and ran up to him, who was lying on the floor, motionless. As I was about to check his pulse, he jumped up and shouted, "I bet you thought I was dead, asshole!" He then punched me in the face and cycled off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 083

You deserved it 25 627

By Tequila - 20/06/2011 16:12 - Netherlands

Today, my bike abruptly stopped working, torpedoing me headfirst into the sidewalk. I lay there in agony for a few minutes, and the only guy who saw it happen said, "Lucky you didn't get hurt!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 586

You deserved it 3 217

By ramble ramble - 30/01/2014 20:55 - United States - Monroe

Today, I was taking a leisurely stroll through the woods in the nice cool weather, when a mountain biker came out of nowhere and tore past, barely missing me. As I counted my luck, another biker followed the first and crashed right into me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 789

You deserved it 4 425

Sorry!

By My hip hurts - 23/01/2023 01:00

Today, I got hit by a car while going out for a jog. As I writhed on the floor in pain, I heard the driver say, “Sorry!” and the sound of tires squealing. He’d sped off. I didn’t get a chance to get his license plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 990

You deserved it 111

By Anonymous - 29/04/2016 17:59 - United States

Today, some guy on a bike kept taunting me about my weight while I was out jogging. He ended up hitting a street lamp and fell off his bike. I had a real good laugh at him for all of 5 seconds before he got mad and really made me run. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 140

You deserved it 2 259

By Anonymous - 18/04/2013 21:02 - Bulgaria - Batanovci

Today, I was riding my bike home from the store. Wanting to impress some passers-by, I tried to do a trick on a sharp turn. I hit a pole with my balls. As I was lying on the ground in agony, a guy pulled over, took a picture, and took off laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 428

You deserved it 51 100

BIKES

By ihpgolj - 18/06/2009 05:31 - United States

Today, I was riding my bike down a road I know is quite hazardous. Having almost been hit in the same spot the day before, I rode across the intersection very satisfied without having been injured. Until I crashed into the guy front of me and flipped over my handlebars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 876

You deserved it 43 976

By Al - 22/06/2009 04:11 - United States

Today, I was walking around the park with my wife. Out of nowhere, a little girl on a bicycle slammed in to me, knocking me to the ground. As I rolled over, sure that my ankle was broken, her father ran over to me. He screamed, "Watch where you're going, douchebag!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 921

You deserved it 3 354

By wish his dad had worn one - 07/06/2014 21:16 - United States - Clinton

Today, I was playing some soccer with my buddies, when a kid came over, yelled "CUP CHECK!" and nailed me in the nuts then ran away laughing. Millions of my unborn children died in agony. All his fatass mom did was chuckle nervously and pat her satan-spawn on the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 654

You deserved it 5 338

jetsown08 21

Monday 13 August 2012 5:10

Hey, at least he didn't threaten to sue afterwards.

TheDrifter 23

Monday 13 August 2012 5:11

Oh bollocks. There goes your dream of repopulating the earth in your image this afternoon.

Comments

FlyingPie 17

Monday 13 August 2012 5:44

Which end of a bicycle is the "business end"?

olpally 32

Monday 13 August 2012 5:45

Yes, yes I did... I also lit the beacon outside of my house on fire to let the world know I slept with cheryl teagues...(family guy-quagmire's true love)

lexi365 20

Monday 13 August 2012 5:45

What's with all the assholes on bikes lately especially on FML?

outoftown 26

Monday 13 August 2012 6:24

Assholes on bikes are trying to make their 2012 summer quota of mayhem.

perdix 29

Monday 13 August 2012 5:46

The business end?!?!? Would you have preferred to be hit in the nuts by the party end? Are you confusing bikes with mullets? Your kids didn't die in the collision. If that worked, birth control would be greatly simplified -- for women, at least. If you had to take a nut shot to have sex, many guys would become celibate.

l23VIVE 17

Monday 13 August 2012 5:55

Well maybe guys who have had sex before... What if said guy is into BDSM? I'd take a nut shot if it meant I'd get laid. But that's just me

perdix 29

Monday 13 August 2012 6:05

#46, I dunno. I only got my first right-on-the-money nut shot a few years ago -- I almost vomited, and I couldn't think of sex for many hours after that. Previously, I had a few glancing blows to the happy sacks, but that does not prepare you for the full-blown ball-busting.

_Oblivion_ 12

Monday 13 August 2012 6:36

My god, I'll bet every guy just squirmed reading that

Metallica36176 16

Monday 13 August 2012 7:35

#41 - I love your choice of words for all of your posts. xD

l23VIVE 17

Tuesday 14 August 2012 4:50

#51 Good God, my balls hurt from simply reading that...

IdleGear 0

Monday 13 August 2012 5:49

Maybe he wad in a hurry to get help?

brian_b005 3

Monday 13 August 2012 5:49

Or you have a better chance of producing a "special child"

l23VIVE 17

Monday 13 August 2012 5:52

Oh good I forgot to make sure you did that too

perdix 29

Monday 13 August 2012 5:55

#22, but it will take a hell of a long time. Karma will visit the cyclist in his next life. Without the OP's knowledge, he'll be reincarnated as a bug that gets squashed. Not a very satisfying outcome.