Intimacy: Dirty talk

Dirty talk

By unlucky_number13 - 14/07/2009 09:41 - United States

Today, my crush came over and we began to fool around. He started to kiss my stomach, and just when I was getting into it, he pulled away with a disgusted look on his face, wiped his mouth, and said, "We'll continue this when you get rid of all your bellybutton lint." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 912

You deserved it 62 742

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Same thing different taste

Thorough check

By Anonymous - 24/01/2014 23:34 - United States - Akron

Today, as my boyfriend went to go down on me, he felt it necessary to stop at my stomach and clean the lint out of my belly button. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 854

You deserved it 23 971

Classy

By dontask - 01/10/2010 01:55 - United States

Today, the guy I've been crushing on for years and I finally went on a date. While on the date, he threw up in my purse and stuck tampons up his nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 851

You deserved it 4 428

By anonymous - 15/01/2012 05:58 - United States

Today, my crush grabbed my butt while I was walking up the stairs. In surprise I farted. He won't even look me in the eyes now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 571

You deserved it 7 674

By Cassie - 21/05/2011 07:44 - United States

Today, my crush and I were talking on the phone and we were really hitting it off. We got on the subject of sex and I told him I have a purity ring. Then he suddenly said he had to go and hang up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 918

You deserved it 47 318

Smell test

By smellybelly - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years kept digging around in his belly button and smelling his fingers. At one point he shoved his fingers in my face and told me to smell his belly button. He's 27 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 592

You deserved it 4 726

Good impressions last

By icarlypoop - 11/04/2020 23:00

Today, I threw up on my crush's lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 239

You deserved it 488

Steamy

By Anonymous - 20/05/2019 06:35

Today, while getting steamy with my boyfriend, I tried to be sexy and tease him by playfully pushing his hands away every time he touched me. He responded by telling me it's OK if we didn't have sex because my breath was a bit "funky" and he needed to take "a massive dump anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 110

You deserved it 3 399

By Anonymous - 20/10/2013 19:56 - United States - West Babylon

Today, a few of my friends arranged for us to go skinny-dipping with the guy I really like. It went really well, until a turd surfaced before our eyes. After we scrambled out of the pool in panic, my crush called us all freaks and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 959

You deserved it 6 105

By marsbar - 15/03/2009 05:07 - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was moving his hand from his thigh to my chest but on the way he sort of squeezed my stomach. When I asked him why he did that, he told me that "his fingers got stuck under my roll." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 736

You deserved it 20 104

By tinytitty - 23/03/2009 03:18 - United States

Today, my crush and I were hooking up and as he slipped his hands up my shirt in order to "feel me up" he started rubbing around my whole torso. When I asked him what he was doing, he replied, "Well I was looking for your boobs but… apparently you have none." FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 390

You deserved it 9 259

henri_fml 0

Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:03

did you tell him you were saving it to make a blanket for winter?

vein 0

Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:03

Ew, thats really gross. Take a bath. :(

Comments

aback 4

Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:30

That's when you grab his head with your thighs and fart.

dixneuf_fml 0

Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:38

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA by far the best comment i've ever seen.

dark_psyche 0

Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:50

i'll make sure to do that if i happen to have belly button lint that grosses my bf out... hahaha.

sadmaninacan 0

Sunday 19 July 2009 8:18

Ahha number 11 u must of seen that FML too..

lizamaphone 6

Saturday 3 July 2010 18:49

the comment + the picture = amazing

taylor_the_boss 5

Thursday 16 February 2012 2:47

Well that's nasty.

ladywaldo 0

Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:30

That's not too bad, could be from the shirt you were wearing. My boyfriend gets bellybutton lint from wifebeatters all the time.

Efilyn 0

Wednesday 30 March 2011 17:33

wifebeaters*

ssnickel 0

Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:39

Q tips

kathira120 3

Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:46

Why would your crush kiss your belly? Are you actually DATING or is this some boy who has no idea you like him? WTF?!

mcdys 0

Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:50

that must have been awkward

Noire_ 0

Tuesday 14 July 2009 23:12

AWKWARD TURTLE! :D

missaccountant 0

Wednesday 15 July 2009 0:10

I am doing the "awkward turtle" hand motion as we speak. lol awesome

Snow_Daisy 7

Thursday 28 January 2010 8:16

What's the awkward turtle? :/

adwell90 0

Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:51

tell him next time don't worry about your belly button...kiss something else ;)

Nacirema20 0

Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:52

Ew.... thats so gross!!!! mor **** ur boyfriends life, but i still put FYL.

lexiBRo 0

Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:55

how much bellybutton lint can you possibly have that this guy couldn't ignore it??

plethora 3

Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:56

Belly button lint happens, but it shouldn't collect so much that it would turn a dude off. That's excessive. But on the plus side, this is where you suggest you take a shower together. ;)

alki_fml 5

Tuesday 14 July 2009 17:02

belly button lint? seriously? you guys get grossed out by a bit of lint, fluff, collection of fabric from a tshirt? That's kinda pathetic .. next time you're fooling around.. go down on him.. and just before you put your mouth around his **** tell him 'we'll continue this when you grow a pair' and kick him out. if a bit of lint makes you that squeemish .. then you dont deserve to get laid ..