Intimacy: Dirty talk

Dirty talk

By unlucky_number13 - 14/07/2009 09:41 - United States

Today, my crush came over and we began to fool around. He started to kiss my stomach, and just when I was getting into it, he pulled away with a disgusted look on his face, wiped his mouth, and said, "We'll continue this when you get rid of all your bellybutton lint." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 912

You deserved it 62 742

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Same thing different taste

Thorough check

By Anonymous - 24/01/2014 23:34 - United States - Akron

Today, as my boyfriend went to go down on me, he felt it necessary to stop at my stomach and clean the lint out of my belly button. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 854

You deserved it 23 971

Classy

By dontask - 01/10/2010 01:55 - United States

Today, the guy I've been crushing on for years and I finally went on a date. While on the date, he threw up in my purse and stuck tampons up his nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 851

You deserved it 4 428

By anonymous - 15/01/2012 05:58 - United States

Today, my crush grabbed my butt while I was walking up the stairs. In surprise I farted. He won't even look me in the eyes now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 571

You deserved it 7 674

By Cassie - 21/05/2011 07:44 - United States

Today, my crush and I were talking on the phone and we were really hitting it off. We got on the subject of sex and I told him I have a purity ring. Then he suddenly said he had to go and hang up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 918

You deserved it 47 318

Smell test

By smellybelly - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years kept digging around in his belly button and smelling his fingers. At one point he shoved his fingers in my face and told me to smell his belly button. He's 27 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 592

You deserved it 4 726

Good impressions last

By icarlypoop - 11/04/2020 23:00

Today, I threw up on my crush's lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 239

You deserved it 488

Steamy

By Anonymous - 20/05/2019 06:35

Today, while getting steamy with my boyfriend, I tried to be sexy and tease him by playfully pushing his hands away every time he touched me. He responded by telling me it's OK if we didn't have sex because my breath was a bit "funky" and he needed to take "a massive dump anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 110

You deserved it 3 399

By Anonymous - 20/10/2013 19:56 - United States - West Babylon

Today, a few of my friends arranged for us to go skinny-dipping with the guy I really like. It went really well, until a turd surfaced before our eyes. After we scrambled out of the pool in panic, my crush called us all freaks and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 959

You deserved it 6 105

By marsbar - 15/03/2009 05:07 - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was moving his hand from his thigh to my chest but on the way he sort of squeezed my stomach. When I asked him why he did that, he told me that "his fingers got stuck under my roll." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 736

You deserved it 20 104

By tinytitty - 23/03/2009 03:18 - United States

Today, my crush and I were hooking up and as he slipped his hands up my shirt in order to "feel me up" he started rubbing around my whole torso. When I asked him what he was doing, he replied, "Well I was looking for your boobs but… apparently you have none." FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 390

You deserved it 9 259

henri_fml 0

Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:03

did you tell him you were saving it to make a blanket for winter?

vein 0

Tuesday 14 July 2009 16:03

Ew, thats really gross. Take a bath. :(

Comments

brunoisbeast 0

Tuesday 14 July 2009 17:46

eeeeeeeeew ur gross

epicFAIL_Sometim 0

Tuesday 14 July 2009 17:52

Eww, just be lucky he gave you a second chance. This is, without a doubt, an FYourCrush'sLife.

textme 0

Tuesday 14 July 2009 17:54

he madeout with ur belly button? www

bigeffincountry 0

Sunday 2 January 2011 21:27

I agree if he wasn't making out with her belly button... seems he wouldn't have known anyway... cause sorry I don't make it a habit to look in my chicks belly button

boredworker 0

Tuesday 14 July 2009 17:55

Boredworker thinks the OP should embark upon some more hygenic practices...

Lisasimpsonfan 0

Tuesday 14 July 2009 17:59

OMG if he freaks out over a little belly button lint what's gonna happen when he sees a stray pubic hair. Will he have to run screaming from the room. If you have an innie button you are going to get a little bit of lint.

jaybirdka 0

Tuesday 14 July 2009 18:02

so you're dating a ******?

dramakat11 0

Tuesday 14 July 2009 18:06

There's nothing wrong with being gay. Please do not use hurtful terminology like that to refer to gay people as if there is something wrong with them. That is the reason so many gay teens commit suicide. How would you feel if someone hated you for being straight? You can't control who you are.

omgitsseejay 0

Tuesday 14 July 2009 18:02

is it okay if i got an erection when i read this?

redbluegreen 40

Tuesday 14 July 2009 19:40

Yes.

you_there 0

Tuesday 14 July 2009 18:02

I wasn't aware belly button existed. Anywho, he shouldn't be so weirded out, he is not perfect and I'm sure you'll find something about him to get him back with.

dramakat11 0

Tuesday 14 July 2009 18:04

I have a super innie and no matter how thoroughly I clean my belly button in the shower, it's hard to get it perfectly clean. Plus it gets sweaty in there easily and lint might stick. I advise people to stay away from the inside of the belly button during foreplay...FYL