Love, Health, Fire and Miscellaneous: Easily distracted

Easily distracted

By Jeanine - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I returned to my apartment to find everything reduced to ashes, hidden in black clouds of smoke. Turns out there was a blackout, and my fiancé lit a candle on top of a stack of all our wedding papers. When he smelled the smoke, he got hungry for a taco and left instead of calling 911. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 367

You deserved it 5 827

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By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 042

You deserved it 4 755

Dumbass

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, we were having a little bonfire. At some point, while I was inside, my stupid roommate filled a beer can with lighter fluid and threw it in the fire, resulting in it spewing 5-foot flames, catching the pile of wood and the chair next to it on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 987

You deserved it 248

Doofus

By Coykoi - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, not only did my boyfriend set my hair on fire, but he attempted to put it out by dumping bong water on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 921

You deserved it 10 431

Smoking is so cool

By Burnt - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 897

You deserved it 61 546

By Anonymous - 03/08/2016 18:01 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my car broke down in the middle of nowhere. I walked about 3 miles to the nearest house to call a tow truck. When I got back to where I left my car, it was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 249

You deserved it 1 256

Happy New Leg

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff

Today, instead of spending New Year's Eve having a romantic night out with my fiancé as we'd planned, I'm spending it sitting beside him in the hospital because his friends convinced him to go off-road ghost-riding in the dead of night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 561

You deserved it 4 513

By oh why... - 20/12/2013 14:51 - United States

Today, I got a ransom note saying, "We have kidnapped your husband and won't release him unless you postpone the wedding." The wedding is tomorrow and it was in his handwriting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 452

You deserved it 4 490

Piss off, basically

By lonelyandcold - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Solihull

Today, after coming home from surgery, I discovered that the heating in my entire building had failed. I called my mom asking if I could come and stay with her for a few days. She told me to "think warm thoughts." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 191

You deserved it 1 929

Effed up

By sunny_funny - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Cyprus - Nicosia

Today, my car broke down. My colleague came to get me and then, later, my husband picked me up from work. We went to collect my abandoned car, but it was gone. It took 10 minutes of me panicking and thinking it had been stolen before he crumpled in laughter and told me he'd already collected it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 353

You deserved it 1 193

Stuck

By canessadawn - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Portland

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting to surprise him when he got home from work. I was laying in his bed when he called to tell me we were over. I couldn't leave before he got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 802

You deserved it 2 580

dontbegayy 0

Friday 29 May 2009 11:30

dump him .

redbluegreen 40

Friday 29 May 2009 11:31

And you want to marry someone so absent minded?

Comments

Gendou_fml 2

Friday 29 May 2009 21:18

Wait, he got hungry when he smelled the smoke... from what? The candle? Or the fire? If he left a candle burning in a blacked-out apartment while he left to get food, then he's absent-minded and a little negligent. That might be forgivable, especially given the fact that it's apparently near your wedding date. But if he knew the place was burning down and left it to go eat rather than call the authorities, then he's insane. Possibly criminally so. He will no doubt need professional help, in any case. Personally, based on the way the OP phrased things, I think a lot of people are jumping to the conclusion that the guy left the apartment in flames to go get a taco, when it's far more likely that he simply left a candle burning while he went to go get lunch.

laxxxlove 0

Friday 29 May 2009 21:20

make him pay for everything you own wait a second... this is a lie if everything was ruined in your apartment, how are you typing this on a computerr??

spacemonkey0122 0

Friday 29 May 2009 21:24

don't let him fool you!! there was no candle. he lit those wedding papers on purpose and it all got out of hand.

StarrieyedFML 0

Friday 29 May 2009 21:31

I HAVE A QUESTION. you said fiance... and then you said wedding pictures... That confused me a little bit. Are you talking about pictures that you take BEFORE and then send it out with the announcements? Or is this FML Full of Sh*t?

nico434 0

Friday 29 May 2009 21:37

#134: She said wedding PAPERS not pictures. But I'm sure this is still total BS. Unless she's marrying Mr. Magoo.

the_effed_life 0

Friday 29 May 2009 21:39

What the **** If this is actually true, ... 1) chop his **** 'n' balls off and feed them to the dogs 2) even before that, dump the hell out of him in total public embarrassment and shame 3) of course, call the damn wedding off and ask him for the refund 4? Sue the shit out of him. But seriously, is he retarded or something? burning fire does not equal taco...but they are awesome ;D #17, you are even more retarded. Who would keep someone like that.

MechEngineer 0

Friday 29 May 2009 21:45

Your basic dumbass maneuver. Id be lying if I said that these kinds of people are uncommon.

jessicalmfao 0

Friday 29 May 2009 21:47

wow. that's stupid.

Morokea 0

Friday 29 May 2009 22:08

Definitely FYL. Also, to the people saying they can't believe this, YES, people ARE that stupid. It's happened to a friend of my mother's (husband burned their patio down with a cigarette). Although I'd talk/scream at him instead of insta-dumping the idiot.

summersong89 0

Friday 29 May 2009 22:25

Your fiance definitely is not the brightest bulb in the bunch, is he? I won't say that you should dump him right-off, but at the least, really think it through before you marry the guy...(if you do end up marrying him, that is.) good luck OP!