Intimacy: Excuuuuuuse me?

Excuuuuuuse me?

By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 13:32 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 468

You deserved it 11 502

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Same thing different taste

So sensual...

By Wellokthen - 17/02/2017 22:00 - United States

Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 070

You deserved it 1 154

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 11:03 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 306

You deserved it 2 763

Oh yeah?

By alexis89 - 26/05/2009 16:53 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice, "Oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said, "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 533

You deserved it 20 192

By picturemenakedbaby - 21/07/2009 10:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 964

You deserved it 12 726

By Anonymous - 25/10/2014 02:48 - United States - Gainesboro

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. In the heat of the moment, I said his name. He immediately stopped, gave me a deadly serious look and said "Huh? What?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 223

You deserved it 4 935

Turned on

By Nicki - 21/12/2011 12:30 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I said something grammatically wrong during it. He chose to correct it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 595

You deserved it 31 884

Talk to me baby

By Anonymous - 17/06/2010 22:56 - United States

Today, I learned that dirty talk does NOT get me off. My boyfriend and I were having sex and I said, "I'm going to come" during the beginning of my orgasm. My orgasm immediately stopped right after I said that. I'd managed to turn myself off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 351

You deserved it 15 977

By Anonymous - 10/02/2012 05:31 - United States

Today, things were getting hot with my boyfriend and I started to breathe heavy and moan. He then says to me, "Babe, can you calm down, we're having sex not running a marathon." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 973

You deserved it 7 285

By giantcuntflaps - 13/12/2014 16:03 - Australia

Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 527

You deserved it 6 871

Orders

By belljars - 18/04/2014 02:27 - United States - Riverside

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and, in the heat of the moment, I cried out for him to go harder. He then had an exasperated expression on his face, and, in an adamantly offended tone, said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 177

You deserved it 9 147

SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18

Monday 24 December 2012 18:58

"Perform intercourse on me in a mildly rough manner..."

jdm_powered 6

Monday 24 December 2012 18:58

Like a sir.

Comments

gloria89108 1

Monday 24 December 2012 22:41

Awkward !!!!!!

bugmenotmofo 34

Monday 24 December 2012 22:47

For some people swearing is a big turnoff, he might be one of them.

panda_lou 11

Monday 24 December 2012 22:55

That from my experience is really odd. However if he doesn't use that language outside of the bedroom he probably won't enjoy hearing it especially from a lady in the bedroom. I know guys that like you to be a prim ladylike in the daytime but at night they like you wild. Others are more consistent in thinking ladies should act like ladies even when bent over the dinner table. At least you are experimenting and trying to keep it interesting. Kudos to you for that.

gadgetmaster 10

Monday 24 December 2012 22:59

Seems like he likes it prim, proper, and boring. Fyl

EmporiaSonera 5

Monday 24 December 2012 23:09

what is it with woman going all fml due to a 3 sec pause during sex?

jacie00 4

Monday 24 December 2012 23:19

Should have said "penetrate me".

panda_lou 11

Tuesday 25 December 2012 0:48

Never a good enough reason to use the word penetrate. Lol

simoncat 11

Monday 24 December 2012 23:28

Well, in reality he did just that. He ****** you. You were ******. In this instance though, turn the tables. Tell him a great big **** YOU. And walk.

ConnyTheUnicorn 8

Monday 24 December 2012 23:47

What. A. Wimpy. Well.. uhm. Dictionary says bitch. Seriously, getting that upset about the word '****' is a little stupid, even he does not like this type of language. I mean, it was not in school or in front of your Grandmother, so swearing a little is more than normal for most people. *rolleyes*