Intimacy: Excuuuuuuse me?

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Excuuuuuuse me?

By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 13:32 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 528

You deserved it 11 518

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Same thing different taste

So sensual...

By Wellokthen - 17/02/2017 22:00 - United States

Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 118

You deserved it 1 174

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 11:03 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 331

You deserved it 2 772

Oh yeah?

By alexis89 - 26/05/2009 16:53 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice, "Oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said, "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 560

You deserved it 20 207

By picturemenakedbaby - 21/07/2009 10:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 982

You deserved it 12 731

By Anonymous - 25/10/2014 02:48 - United States - Gainesboro

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. In the heat of the moment, I said his name. He immediately stopped, gave me a deadly serious look and said "Huh? What?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 240

You deserved it 4 940

Turned on

By Nicki - 21/12/2011 12:30 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I said something grammatically wrong during it. He chose to correct it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 612

You deserved it 31 902

Talk dirty to me, maybe

By Anonymous - 17/06/2010 22:56 - United States

Today, I learned that dirty talk does NOT get me off. My boyfriend and I were having sex and I said, "I'm going to come" during the beginning of my orgasm. My orgasm immediately stopped right after I said that. I'd managed to turn myself off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 363

You deserved it 15 984

By Anonymous - 10/02/2012 05:31 - United States

Today, things were getting hot with my boyfriend and I started to breathe heavy and moan. He then says to me, "Babe, can you calm down, we're having sex not running a marathon." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 991

You deserved it 7 291

By giantcuntflaps - 13/12/2014 16:03 - Australia

Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 547

You deserved it 6 874

Orders

By belljars - 18/04/2014 02:27 - United States - Riverside

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and, in the heat of the moment, I cried out for him to go harder. He then had an exasperated expression on his face, and, in an adamantly offended tone, said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 255

You deserved it 9 165

SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18

Monday 24 December 2012 18:58

"Perform intercourse on me in a mildly rough manner..."

jdm_powered 6

Monday 24 December 2012 18:58

Like a sir.

Comments

coach25 5

Monday 24 December 2012 20:32

I don't know what's wrong with him! That is very sexy when women say that before and during sex! Such a turn on.

Perfectg 9

Monday 24 December 2012 20:32

That really made me laugh!!

Shrouds 14

Monday 24 December 2012 20:32

oh baby, i love it when you talk squeaky clean to me.

Tiva32 1

Monday 24 December 2012 20:35

I love it when a girl tells me to **** her... Such a turn on!

mikeymayhem_87 15

Monday 24 December 2012 20:38

" Please grasp the testicles gently while you perform fellatio upon my penis."

BodyMarks 4

Monday 24 December 2012 20:45

What a stick in the mud, I don't trust anyone one who doesn't use an appropriate curse word when needed.

sheltongrn 7

Monday 24 December 2012 20:47

Dump him. You'll be better of in the long run.

metallicshadow 16

Monday 24 December 2012 20:48

that's his loss

twiztedone 19

Monday 24 December 2012 20:51

Who are you dating? Charles Allowishes Longfellow III??!! Talk dirty all night!!

Dcm210 19

Monday 24 December 2012 20:54

Only British **** is polite

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I agree, your life sucks 872

You deserved it 204

Today, my boyfriend's mother informed me that when I visit him next month, he is planning to propose. We have a long-distance relationship and I've been thinking of breaking it off. His friends and family are involved with the proposal he planned. They're all going to hate me. FML

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Today, I met my girlfriend’s parents for the first time. Her dad killed and skinned a goat in front of me, while staring at me the whole time. FML

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Excuuuuuuse me?

Same thing different taste

So sensual...

Oh yeah?

Turned on

Talk dirty to me, maybe

Orders

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