Birthday and Drugs: Far out, man

Far out, man

By shroomda - 29/06/2009 07:29 - United States

Today, I called my dad to wish him happy birthday. The phone was disconnected, so I called my sister to see what his cell phone number was. She then informed me that our dad was in jail for selling shrooms to teenagers at a music festival out of state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 245

You deserved it 3 407

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By Furnando - 06/01/2023 00:00

Today, I called my dad asking him to wish me a happy birthday. Yay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 1 155

By Kellye - 16/09/2009 00:24 - United States

Today, my father called me for the first time in two weeks since I moved away. Excited, I answered the phone. It was a mistake. He thought he'd called my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 339

You deserved it 2 527

By CaptainByron - 28/04/2017 00:00

Today, my father contacted me for the first time in close to 2 months. The first thing he did was ask if I wanted to buy some weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 383

You deserved it 313

By No one special. - 12/12/2010 05:28 - United States

Today, my dad called for the first time in six months. He needs someone to bail him out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 497

You deserved it 2 433

By seb21 - 09/02/2009 02:32 - United States

Today, I called my dad to inform him I was coming home from college for the weekend. Expecting him to be excited, he responded with "why?" This weekend was my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 521

You deserved it 2 324

By thanks - 02/05/2014 18:20 - United States - San Francisco

Today, it's my 21st birthday. I got a call from my deadbeat dad, who I thought had finally mellowed and had something nice to say. Nope; he just told me I'm 21 years a disappointment, then hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 000

You deserved it 3 524

By Anonymous - 09/12/2012 06:43 - United States

Today, I called my dad, because I haven't spoken to him in a while, and I wanted to invite him to my graduation in May. When he picked up, I said, "Hey, how have you been, dad?" He scoffed, "Wrong number" and hung up the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 857

You deserved it 3 088

Understanding

By Anonymous - 02/09/2020 05:56 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, it was my dad's 60th. I was planning on calling him early, but due to a client (I'm a social worker) ending up in hospital because her husband beat her up, I couldn't call him until 2:30. My mum phoned me in tears, yelling that I was a bad daughter and obviously didn't care about my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 950

You deserved it 746

Arrested

By shikushiku - 03/08/2016 03:12 - United States - Plano

Today, my father went missing. Naturally worried, we searched his workplace, hospitals, and other locations. Turns out he got arrested for driving around town drunk out of his mind. Oh, and it's my birthday. Thanks for throwing me a great (search) party, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 382

You deserved it 989

By Anonymous - 09/04/2009 18:48 - United States

Today, I got a missed call from my dad, who hasn't talked to me in months and has vowed not to have anything to do with me. I called him back excitedly and apologized for missing his call, and we had a 20-second conversation about how his phone accidentally dialed my number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 165

You deserved it 3 550

tipsypiink 0

Monday 29 June 2009 19:07

HOLY ****, I BOUGHT SHROOMS FROM YOUR DAD AT BONNAROO.

owlcansing 0

Monday 29 June 2009 19:40

Well look at the bright side - he'll still have a "cell".

Comments

suaveneanderthal 0

Tuesday 30 June 2009 5:14

lol you people read my mind

iliekpieandcakez 0

Tuesday 30 June 2009 6:28

Hahahahhahahahhahahahhaahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaha

crazyguy24 0

Tuesday 30 June 2009 7:14

You know what's more annoying than people advertising their drug use? People advertising that they're straight-edge.

EcGyMz 0

Tuesday 30 June 2009 6:52

let me know what his cell # was. jk jk

holagirl2 0

Tuesday 30 June 2009 8:21

i was soooooooo going to say edc (electric daisy carnival) but someone beat me to it

jaybyrd 0

Tuesday 30 June 2009 8:34

your dad is sick ! (:

jaybyrd 0

Tuesday 30 June 2009 8:34

your dad is sick ! (:

lovely997 0

Tuesday 30 June 2009 10:00

Seems like he would be a cool ass grandpa. :]

bettyboop274 0

Tuesday 30 June 2009 14:00

agree'd.

bettyboop274 0

Tuesday 30 June 2009 14:03

I'm sorry to hear about that, but at the same time, I would love to have a dad like that, minus the jail time. I'd buy shrooms off him anyday :D

dramakat11 0

Tuesday 30 June 2009 18:27

Well, fyl because your dad's in jail and because of the DISGUSTING War on Drugs. But, you should be glad that you're dad is super dope.

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The Top

Today, I got a call from a lady who said my husband died in a car accident in Miami. My husband is supposed to be at a business trip in North Carolina, so I told her it must be a mistake. Turns out it was all true. He lied about a business trip and went to Miami with his lover, who was the woman who had called me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 797

You deserved it 58

Today, my brother's girlfriend came over to visit and we got to talking about books. Thinking she'd be interested, I suggested a few. She responded that she "only reads good literature." The only books I've ever seen her read are Fifty Shades of Gray and the Twilight saga. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 125

The Top

Today, I have a massive pimple right next to my eye. I can't even blink without hurting myself. There's also one on my thigh, so I can't move or sit down without hurting myself. And there's one below my armpit, so I can't move my arms without hurting myself. All I can say is, "Why me?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 230

Today, I found out I have Covid, from a guy who ghosted me last week after sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 143

You deserved it 627

Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoners to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over. And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penises to their foreheads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 229

You deserved it 6 408

Today, I was shaving my underarms, when I heard a noise. I quickly turned my head to see what it was and got the razor caught in my hair. I'm now sporting a very attractive bald patch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 860

You deserved it 8 410

Today, my dad snapped at me for assuming that Eminem was the one to come up with the phrase, “Will the real ___ please stand up?” since that was the only time I’ve heard it. Apparently, I “always assume things are modern”. So I asked him where in fact the phrase came from and guess what? He didn’t know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 215

Today, I was travelling in a car. As I was discreetly picking my nose, we drove over a speed bump. It hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 303