Birthday and Drugs: Far out, man

Far out, man

By shroomda - 29/06/2009 07:29 - United States

Today, I called my dad to wish him happy birthday. The phone was disconnected, so I called my sister to see what his cell phone number was. She then informed me that our dad was in jail for selling shrooms to teenagers at a music festival out of state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 247

You deserved it 3 407

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By Furnando - 06/01/2023 00:00

Today, I called my dad asking him to wish me a happy birthday. Yay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 750

You deserved it 1 157

By Kellye - 16/09/2009 00:24 - United States

Today, my father called me for the first time in two weeks since I moved away. Excited, I answered the phone. It was a mistake. He thought he'd called my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 339

You deserved it 2 527

By CaptainByron - 28/04/2017 00:00

Today, my father contacted me for the first time in close to 2 months. The first thing he did was ask if I wanted to buy some weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 383

You deserved it 313

By No one special. - 12/12/2010 05:28 - United States

Today, my dad called for the first time in six months. He needs someone to bail him out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 499

You deserved it 2 433

By seb21 - 09/02/2009 02:32 - United States

Today, I called my dad to inform him I was coming home from college for the weekend. Expecting him to be excited, he responded with "why?" This weekend was my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 522

You deserved it 2 325

By thanks - 02/05/2014 18:20 - United States - San Francisco

Today, it's my 21st birthday. I got a call from my deadbeat dad, who I thought had finally mellowed and had something nice to say. Nope; he just told me I'm 21 years a disappointment, then hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 003

You deserved it 3 524

By Anonymous - 09/12/2012 06:43 - United States

Today, I called my dad, because I haven't spoken to him in a while, and I wanted to invite him to my graduation in May. When he picked up, I said, "Hey, how have you been, dad?" He scoffed, "Wrong number" and hung up the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 858

You deserved it 3 088

Understanding

By Anonymous - 02/09/2020 05:56 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, it was my dad's 60th. I was planning on calling him early, but due to a client (I'm a social worker) ending up in hospital because her husband beat her up, I couldn't call him until 2:30. My mum phoned me in tears, yelling that I was a bad daughter and obviously didn't care about my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 951

You deserved it 746

Arrested

By shikushiku - 03/08/2016 03:12 - United States - Plano

Today, my father went missing. Naturally worried, we searched his workplace, hospitals, and other locations. Turns out he got arrested for driving around town drunk out of his mind. Oh, and it's my birthday. Thanks for throwing me a great (search) party, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 382

You deserved it 989

By Anonymous - 09/04/2009 18:48 - United States

Today, I got a missed call from my dad, who hasn't talked to me in months and has vowed not to have anything to do with me. I called him back excitedly and apologized for missing his call, and we had a 20-second conversation about how his phone accidentally dialed my number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 166

You deserved it 3 550

tipsypiink 0

Monday 29 June 2009 19:07

HOLY ****, I BOUGHT SHROOMS FROM YOUR DAD AT BONNAROO.

owlcansing 0

Monday 29 June 2009 19:40

Well look at the bright side - he'll still have a "cell".

Comments

teebonehead 0

Monday 29 June 2009 20:09

Your Dad rocks !

someotherbitch 0

Monday 29 June 2009 20:20

yup that sucks your dad got caught-- my dad never has, they should get together my dad could show him how not to get caught!

Jim9349 10

Monday 29 June 2009 20:22

wow, someone has been playing mario a little bit to much, this isn't even funny

Tehalon 0

Monday 29 June 2009 20:26

Thats fcked up. Shrooms should be legal! They even made em illegal in Holland now :'( Good thing the spores aint so I can grow them myself :D

SergioFML 0

Monday 29 June 2009 20:27

I want some Shrooms! :D hook me upp

Cerataphora 0

Monday 29 June 2009 21:52

You do realize you just said that on the internet? Where authorities can track yo?

pretzel77 0

Tuesday 30 June 2009 3:04

ha ha, yeah everything we type gets sent straight to the russian mafia. we're dead!

Boredom_killz_ha 0

Monday 29 June 2009 20:30

how is this FML? I just find it funny.. lol

Arcterion 0

Monday 29 June 2009 20:30

I wish my dad was awesome like that. :(

Rackbot 0

Tuesday 30 June 2009 2:12

How is it not? His dad is in jail and he didn't even realize it.

wannabangyo 0

Tuesday 30 June 2009 16:59

its not because he just found out his dads kickass

allmidnighteyes 10

Monday 29 June 2009 21:25

Your dad is ******* awesome.

Colby_Colbert 0

Monday 29 June 2009 21:28

wtf niiiice XD

leyash 0

Monday 29 June 2009 21:34

BONNAROO!

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend threatened to leave me unless we get married within a year and have a baby. I don’t negotiate with terrorists but now I’m gonna be single and alone over Christmas, unless I wheedle myself into my brother's Christmas, but I think I’d just ruin it for his family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 147

Today, I was listening to music while my grandma and mom were in the same room. I only had one headphone in. My mom, thinking I had both in, started telling my grandma how much of a "little bitch" I am. My grandma went on to say, "She's also a slut." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 254

You deserved it 17 460

The Top

Today, I got my graded essay from my teacher. Earlier, he'd said that it was "too specific", and that I should change it to be "more general and debatable". Now that I've got it back, the first comments on the paper are, "Your thesis is too general, be more specific." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 773

You deserved it 1 372

Today, my boyfriend stuck his finger in my butt and I liked it, but I can’t ever tell him that or he’ll get that smug look on his face like, “I told you so, let’s have anal now.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 502

You deserved it 1 457

Today, I was told I can’t wear a nose ring at my new job because several customers "don’t like it." It’s a very small nose ring and the job is a shack that serves food through a window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 802

You deserved it 375

Today, while using my phone camera as a mirror, I managed to broadcast a Facebook Live video of myself applying haemorrhoid cream to my asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 767

You deserved it 1 256

Today, my boyfriend’s parents saw me making out with my other boyfriend. They’re now asking me to pay them 300€, or they’ll tell him I’m cheating. They know I’m broke and that if we break up I’ll be homeless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 118

You deserved it 3 237

Today, I broke my wrist when I got into a disagreement with a horse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 161

You deserved it 11 272