Birthday and Drugs: Far out, man

Far out, man

By shroomda - 29/06/2009 07:29 - United States

Today, I called my dad to wish him happy birthday. The phone was disconnected, so I called my sister to see what his cell phone number was. She then informed me that our dad was in jail for selling shrooms to teenagers at a music festival out of state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 245

You deserved it 3 407

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By Furnando - 06/01/2023 00:00

Today, I called my dad asking him to wish me a happy birthday. Yay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 1 155

By Kellye - 16/09/2009 00:24 - United States

Today, my father called me for the first time in two weeks since I moved away. Excited, I answered the phone. It was a mistake. He thought he'd called my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 339

You deserved it 2 527

By CaptainByron - 28/04/2017 00:00

Today, my father contacted me for the first time in close to 2 months. The first thing he did was ask if I wanted to buy some weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 383

You deserved it 313

By No one special. - 12/12/2010 05:28 - United States

Today, my dad called for the first time in six months. He needs someone to bail him out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 497

You deserved it 2 433

By seb21 - 09/02/2009 02:32 - United States

Today, I called my dad to inform him I was coming home from college for the weekend. Expecting him to be excited, he responded with "why?" This weekend was my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 521

You deserved it 2 324

By thanks - 02/05/2014 18:20 - United States - San Francisco

Today, it's my 21st birthday. I got a call from my deadbeat dad, who I thought had finally mellowed and had something nice to say. Nope; he just told me I'm 21 years a disappointment, then hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 000

You deserved it 3 524

By Anonymous - 09/12/2012 06:43 - United States

Today, I called my dad, because I haven't spoken to him in a while, and I wanted to invite him to my graduation in May. When he picked up, I said, "Hey, how have you been, dad?" He scoffed, "Wrong number" and hung up the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 857

You deserved it 3 088

Understanding

By Anonymous - 02/09/2020 05:56 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, it was my dad's 60th. I was planning on calling him early, but due to a client (I'm a social worker) ending up in hospital because her husband beat her up, I couldn't call him until 2:30. My mum phoned me in tears, yelling that I was a bad daughter and obviously didn't care about my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 950

You deserved it 746

Arrested

By shikushiku - 03/08/2016 03:12 - United States - Plano

Today, my father went missing. Naturally worried, we searched his workplace, hospitals, and other locations. Turns out he got arrested for driving around town drunk out of his mind. Oh, and it's my birthday. Thanks for throwing me a great (search) party, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 382

You deserved it 989

By Anonymous - 09/04/2009 18:48 - United States

Today, I got a missed call from my dad, who hasn't talked to me in months and has vowed not to have anything to do with me. I called him back excitedly and apologized for missing his call, and we had a 20-second conversation about how his phone accidentally dialed my number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 165

You deserved it 3 550

tipsypiink 0

Monday 29 June 2009 19:07

HOLY ****, I BOUGHT SHROOMS FROM YOUR DAD AT BONNAROO.

owlcansing 0

Monday 29 June 2009 19:40

Well look at the bright side - he'll still have a "cell".

Comments

megamandude455 10

Monday 19 April 2010 20:06

that's more like an FHL. eff his life

Dizzygrl08 4

Friday 4 June 2010 2:08

Oh dang!!! Who am I supposed to get shrooms from NOW?! XD

shotgunhr 0

Wednesday 4 August 2010 7:49

it's like Mario: super shrooms. they make you feel like a bigger man.

kykyshay 0

Thursday 17 March 2011 7:09

happy birthday daddy!

itsxbabyxjay 0

Friday 20 May 2011 21:25

Cool Story, Bro.

Ever123 0

Tuesday 22 November 2011 7:38

How is this an FML?

MissMeanie 5

Wednesday 21 December 2011 4:45

Ha ha ha ha, way to go Dad!

rbaybee1 4

Friday 6 January 2012 5:32

Haha I wanna chill with your dad :3

rbaybee1 4

Friday 6 January 2012 5:36

I feel like the people talking crap about shrooms haven't tried shrooms..

ieatcanteloupe 7

Monday 4 June 2012 19:10

That is hands down the fakest fml ever. Impossible for you not to know if you obviously called him.

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Embarrassing Sleep Work Dating Love Am I overreacting? Annoying Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Fight Public freakouts Drugs Neighbours Cops Medication Relatable Animals Dogs Teenagers Gamers Ironic Video games Job interview

The Top

Today, I got dressed, did my hair, carefully applied my makeup, sprayed myself with perfume, grabbed my bag and put on my coat. I got to the door, and then realised that I had nowhere to go, nothing to do and none of my friends were answering my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 486

You deserved it 537

Today, after about a year of keeping it a secret from my girlfriend, I told her about my foot fetish. She said "EWWWWWWWW!" and left. She's ignoring my calls and has changed her relationship status to single on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 572

You deserved it 6 604

The Top

Today, I accidentally showed up 5 minutes late for my shift. My boss mercifully declared that I would not be fired if I called my mother and told her I love her. My mom died 11 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 042

You deserved it 256

Today, I saw a car swerving in front of me on the freeway, so I whipped out my cell to report the DUI. As soon as it started ringing, I see police lights in my rear view and got slapped with a ticket for using a cell phone while driving. After explaining why, the officer said, "Nice try." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 779

You deserved it 28 528

Today, I finally asked some friends to read the beginning of a novel that I'd been slaving away at. One of them said it was the literary equivalent of aquarium gravel. Another asked if I'd been sniffing boot polish while writing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 882

You deserved it 4 656

Today, I was having a movie night with my significant other. I suggested a classic horror movie binge, and she agreed. However, as soon as the movie started, she fell asleep and started snoring louder than a chainsaw. It's hard to take scary movies seriously with the sounds of a chainsaw going on, I tell you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 516

You deserved it 156

Today, I was cycling home when I saw my sister, who lives a 4 hour drive away, walking past me on the path. I turned my head and called to her, causing me not to notice the pothole in front of me. My front wheel went in and I went over the handlebars. It wasn't even my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 331

You deserved it 11 718

Today, I was bored and all alone while cleaning at work. This led me to start passionately doing a ballet dance in the empty corridor. I promptly stopped as I remembered the surveillance cameras. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 458

You deserved it 11 370