Love, Food and Awkward: Feed me

Feed me

By Anonymous - 16/04/2011 08:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend called me and asked what I was doing. I replied, "What I'm always doing." She couldn't think of anything besides eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 635

You deserved it 33 488

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By hopeless - 14/02/2015 20:04 - Canada - Halifax

Today, my girlfriend berated me for my "lack of communication skills", all while deeply engrossed with something on her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 757

You deserved it 2 891

By boringhusband - 08/05/2016 14:29 - United States - Salisbury

Today, while at dinner with my wife, she asked me what was on my mind as I stared blankly at the window. "Nothing" was interpreted as, "We are boring, and can't stand each other." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 724

You deserved it 1 528

What do you want from me?

By Anonymous - 16/09/2023 22:00

Today, after weeks of my girlfriend moaning that I never go anywhere, I went out with some friends. An hour in, she started blowing up my phone. When I answered it, she was screaming in rage because I wasn't home to cook dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 155

Get on with it!

By Anonymous - 31/05/2023 00:02

Today, I told my fiancée I was going to the gym. She gave me a dozen "quick, easy errands" that took me over three hours to finish. When I was done, I called her and said I was going to the gym now. She yelled, "You still haven't gone? You've been out for days! What have you been doing?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 943

You deserved it 179

Healthy lifestyle goals

By Anonymous - 06/04/2023 10:00

Today, I made a healthy, delicious dinner. My girlfriend picked at it until it went cold, then stuck it in the fridge. Later, she devoured a giant bowl of sugary cereal, then complained all night that her stomach hurt. This happens a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 812

You deserved it 189

Magpie eyes

By Anonymous - 05/10/2023 16:30

Today, I spent an hour making my favorite work lunches, then portioning them out so I could have them all week. I later came home to a pile of empty containers. My girlfriend said, "Sorry, I got the munchies. Also, can you please do the dishes?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 153

By BaconLover - 28/10/2013 04:58 - Japan

Today, my girlfriend asked me if I could love anything more than her, and if so, what. I guess "bacon" was the wrong answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 612

You deserved it 45 510

By Username - 23/12/2010 10:50

Today, I asked a girl I liked what she was doing tomorrow night. She replied, "Cleaning, so nothing really." I then asked her out to dinner. She declined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 988

You deserved it 4 797

No chance

By Anonymous - 21/02/2020 14:00

Today, my girlfriend of two years called me over late at night. I got excited, assuming she finally wanted sex. No, she just wanted me to make her mac and cheese and talk to her because she was ‘restless’. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 545

You deserved it 908

Foreplay

By Anonymous - 18/12/2022 09:00

Today, my girlfriend bitched that we spend too much money on food, and needed to start cooking to save money. I got home from work and started dinner. Halfway through, my girlfriend sighed and said, "This is taking too long, I'll order pizza." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 214

You deserved it 164

ripgeorgecarl1n 7

Sunday 3 April 2011 22:24

Whacking?

brocept 0

Sunday 3 April 2011 23:03

would u rather her say jacking off?

Comments

kellyogaz1 0

Monday 4 April 2011 6:42

This isn't really an FML, well not unless she was right.

Danielt104 6

Monday 4 April 2011 7:09

Uh..what? I don't get it..How does this shit get through, yet stories of me getting owned horrifically, gets ignored? **** this site.

TheShard1994 5

Monday 4 April 2011 7:44

Today, my FML story got rejected and another one didn't. FML Try to post that :)

boobyhill 0

Monday 4 April 2011 7:21

well you didn't have to be mr. grumpy and say "WHAT IM ALWAYS DOING." Maybe she wanted to talk to you?

crackberryxo 3

Monday 4 April 2011 7:49

Lmao! Was she right?

Saluton 18

Monday 4 April 2011 8:25

don't screw with her brains

jess6blondie9 2

Monday 4 April 2011 8:40

Don't worry OP, that sounds like me too:)

staceysgenesis16 0

Monday 4 April 2011 9:56

LOL thats sad.. but its ur fault aha

ParaCabXD 0

Monday 4 April 2011 18:01

at least she loves for who he is

moderatersdick 0

Monday 4 April 2011 18:48

fat ass

Persephone1001 3

Monday 4 April 2011 21:50

YDI for giving such an obscure response!

Keywords

Holidays Miscellaneous Family Thanksgiving Politics Transportation AITA Am I overreacting? Cars Contraception Love Suspicious Cheating Pregnancy Christmas Scary Sex Awkward Weddings Embarrassing Singing My ex Friends Jealousy Health Poopoo peepee Relatable Mental health Therapy Covid

The Top

Today, I got a call from a lady who said my husband died in a car accident in Miami. My husband is supposed to be at a business trip in North Carolina, so I told her it must be a mistake. Turns out it was all true. He lied about a business trip and went to Miami with his lover, who was the woman who had called me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 876

You deserved it 64

Today, I had a friend over. We found my older brother's camera so decided to look through his photos but then we came across photos of him and his girlfriend having sex. We were laughing up until my friend decided to point out that they were having sex on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 849

You deserved it 7 486

The Top

Today, my partner was sent 450 miles away by the army, after he had been home for only 22 hours. Yesterday they told him he could come home for 2 weeks. I guess the British army doesn't want me to be happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 212

Today, my coworker friend told me she was going to the restroom. Soon after, I did the same. Once in the stall, I could smell a stench emanating from the next one. I yelled, "Ew, you stinky bitch" and sprayed air freshener under the partition. As I left the stall, my friend walked into the restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 050

You deserved it 46 749

Today, my friend and I were racing on our bicycles when my chain snapped. I went over the handlebars and slid, on my back, for about ten feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 281

You deserved it 4 902

Today, I left my phone on the roof of my car after pumping gas. I drove off, and it wasn't until I heard a thud that I realized what had happened. Now my phone has a gash in the screen, and it's receiving angry texts from my girlfriend that I can't answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 206

You deserved it 446

Today, my girlfriend and I were up late watching TV when an infomercial for "Male enhancement" came on. As I grabbed my phone, my girlfriend said, "Oh honey, don't buy that, it's okay that you're small." I was checking my voicemails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 656

You deserved it 6 375

Today, I was half asleep when my cat came over to cuddle. I was petting her in the dark when I felt what I thought was a patch of matted fur under her neck, as if she had been injured and bleeding. Alarmed, I felt for that spot again and found myself holding her tail. What I'd felt was in fact my cat's anus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 388

You deserved it 607