Emergency, Fire and Kids: Fire hasard - FML

Fire hasard

By Anonymous - 26/12/2015 18:23 - United States - Ridge

Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 637

You deserved it 3 068

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Same thing different taste

By SadDad - 22/09/2012 18:11 - United States - Alexandria

Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 370

You deserved it 9 816

By myfamilyisodd - 15/10/2011 17:05 - United States

Today, I had to take my son to the emergency room for shooting himself in the ass with a BB gun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 480

You deserved it 5 234

By Anonymous - 06/08/2009 06:13 - Australia

Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 399

You deserved it 17 297

By Anonymous - 06/01/2015 16:40 - Vietnam - Ho Chi Minh City

Today, at a candlelit dinner, I accidentally set my dad's leg on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 620

You deserved it 4 701

By wah wah "you raised him" - 22/04/2014 18:59 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I walked in on my son holding a lighter to the end of a pen and sniffing the fumes. Apparently he thought it would get him high. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 802

You deserved it 5 269

Loud fart

By naomi3271 - 18/11/2019 20:00

Today, I accidentally scared my one year-old son with my huge, smelly fart that was really loud. He now won't come near me without crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 941

You deserved it 671

By derped-out sperm - 01/04/2014 21:41 - Ireland

Today, I had to rush my 14-year-old son to the hospital after he fell out of a tree while trying to take an obnoxious "extreme selfie". FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 099

You deserved it 5 941

By Anonymous - 09/04/2012 22:32 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, I had to pick my 22-year-old son up from the hospital, after he got blind drunk, got his hand stuck in a Pringles can, and got the bright idea of staggering to the local ER to get it cut off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 618

You deserved it 3 008

By Jen - 26/11/2018 07:30 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my son decided he wanted roasted marshmallows. It would've been fine, except he put the entire bag into the oven I had preheating for pizza and caught it on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 447

You deserved it 272

By fire - 15/12/2009 00:00 - United States

Today, I had to call 911. Why? My fireplace caught on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 537

You deserved it 6 608

Next

Top comments

bulletsinthewind 21

Sunday 27 December 2015 18:08

All in the name of science

stangbang92 17

Sunday 27 December 2015 18:13

Did the flame get sucked in?

Comments

Dexter83_fml 17

Sunday 27 December 2015 18:25

That sucks op. I'm sure it will all blow over.

Mahcookiez 15

Sunday 27 December 2015 19:01

How bad exactly?

Chinhull 22

Sunday 27 December 2015 19:28

hahaha! gawd damn kids! they gon learn real quick.

samantha_xoxo 5

Sunday 27 December 2015 20:00

What? ?

bustyou 15

Sunday 27 December 2015 20:06

Inverted farts are the worst , happens to the best of us

JKPwnage 27

Sunday 27 December 2015 20:34

...so what happened?

LPac5295 27

Sunday 27 December 2015 21:01

I've heard of firecrotch but never fire ass.

FiFaguY 20

Sunday 27 December 2015 21:15

There is a thin line between genius and insane

FSGInsainity 15

Sunday 27 December 2015 21:40

Did he light his ass hair on fire?

Skycop_S 23

Monday 28 December 2015 7:58

This made me laugh more than it should have.. ._.

captainsmegma 12

Sunday 27 December 2015 21:58

Somebody didn't teach the proper procedure for lighting farts. People some things need to be taught at home and not left to our public education system. Sounds like family quality time around the dinner table is needed.

andrmac 25

Monday 28 December 2015 0:51

That would make everyone leave the dinner table.

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend of a year told me he is at the point in his life where he is ready to start a family, get married and have a baby. He also casually stated that he wished he could meet someone he could see himself settling down with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 333

You deserved it 4 255

Today, my dad is freaking out because he thinks he's next on the list of targets the NYC CEO shooter has. Not because he himself is a healthcare-ruining CEO, but he's a pharmacist who gets death threats every week from patients he can't give medication to, due to insurance companies denying everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 80

The Top

Today, when my boyfriend came over he was on his phone. We spent about 15 minutes together before having sex, then he made a phone call and said he had to leave. I could hear him from my window apologising to his coworker because he “just had to do something real quick but was now free to talk again.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 407

You deserved it 158

Today, my girlfriend, who is a dog trainer, was telling me all about the techniques she uses at work. I commented on how the dogs must be stupid to fall for such simple tricks, to which she replied, "They worked on you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 739

You deserved it 47 113

Today, I went to lick the excess peanut butter off the knife after making a PB and J. Turns out the knife can and will cut your tongue, even though you don't think it will. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 764

You deserved it 62 527

Today, my friend set me up with a cute guy who is very germaphobic. So, I spent four hours cleaning my apartment. Two minutes into the date, I sneezed. He politely told me he wasn't feeling well and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 992

You deserved it 3 693

Today my husband got drunk and wrecked the house. And when I say wrecked the house, I mean ripping everything off book shelves, Tearing the ceiling fan out of the wall, Opening the fridge and shoveling everything out. Glass everywhere. etc. and this isn’t the first time. I clean up every time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 385

You deserved it 1 599

Today, I overheard my mom talking to a friend on the phone. What caught my attention was when she said, "You ever look at your kid and just think... 'Fuck. Where'd I go wrong?'" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 800

You deserved it 2 459