Intimacy: Get out of here

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Get out of here

By Cpt Colin - 03/01/2012 07:17 - United States

Today, my girlfriend hated the idea of sex so much she was willing to give me money for a stripper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 877

You deserved it 5 986

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Same thing different taste

Life goals

By ShayisPay101 - 15/02/2010 18:58 - United States

Today, my daughter told me she wants to be a stripper when she grows up, just like "Daddy's girlfriend." We're still married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 568

You deserved it 3 891

By Anonymous - 02/06/2012 15:16 - United States - Clermont

Today, I was given a lapdance by a pregnant stripper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 991

You deserved it 42 037

Grossed out

By ChePow - 20/08/2011 18:26 - Canada

Today, a stripper came into my work to get some posters copied. She asked if she could pay in small bills. I just touched $50 that have probably rubbed up against a stripper's twat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 522

You deserved it 6 532

Sounds hot

By oops999 - 19/11/2013 19:46 - United States - Downingtown

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to have sex. To set the mood, she suggested we watch a porno she once starred in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 031

You deserved it 9 498

Nice try

By Anonymous - 02/11/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend of 4 weeks tried to use sex to manipulate me. After sex, I was blissful and half asleep, which is the time she chose to tell me she has some credit card debt and could I please help her pay it off. £27,000. Yeah, no. Don’t let the door hit you on the way back to the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 114

Time is money

By asdfasdf - 24/01/2009 15:14 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend said she didn't want to have sex because it takes too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 235

You deserved it 5 974

Finger wagging

By Anonymous - 16/12/2024 14:00 - United States - Edison

Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 526

You deserved it 112

By Big B - 04/02/2009 17:40 - United States

Today, I was at the strip club. I put my dollar on the stage. When the stripper came over to take it, she stood me up and flipped my tits and said I had bigger ones than her. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 058

You deserved it 45 559

By Anonymous - 10/10/2014 21:51 - United States - Lemont

Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 722

You deserved it 24 340

By Go away - 10/11/2013 08:03 - United States - Humboldt

Today, after doing vigorous chores all day with my girlfriend, her mom came and paid us each $100. My girlfriend cried and threw a fit because she said they were her chores, so she deserves all the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 549

You deserved it 4 724

Garzoo 4

Tuesday 3 January 2012 11:43

Wow. She's a keeper!

kut19 6

Tuesday 3 January 2012 11:45

Too cheap to spring for the prostitute?

Comments

ndnpride88 25

Tuesday 3 January 2012 17:56

You don't hear that everyday..... Go for it

goodgirlxgonebad 3

Tuesday 3 January 2012 18:03

Ouch. That's kinda cool but... Not? Strippers don't equal sex

davek 36

Tuesday 3 January 2012 18:28

Take the "stripper" money and spend it on an actual *****?

RedCamaro10 0

Tuesday 3 January 2012 18:49

... I don't think I'd complain about that.

massacreman3000 1

Tuesday 3 January 2012 18:54

what if he took the money and invested it instead. in ten years, if he plays his cards correctly... all the womens!

Khalifa89 1

Tuesday 3 January 2012 19:00

Its a test!!!!!!! Don't Do It!!!!!!!

bubuguzman 0

Tuesday 3 January 2012 19:52

Take The Money :D

capnbzarr 43

Tuesday 3 January 2012 20:05

A stripper, or a prostitute? Because a stripper wouldn't really solve your problem; in fact she'd probably only exacerbate it.

mitchossimpants 4

Tuesday 3 January 2012 20:38

Did you accept?

patzz12 0

Tuesday 3 January 2012 20:47

Why is this a FML?!?!?!??

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The Top

Today, I finally worked up the courage to tell my girlfriend we should start seeing other people. She said, "Don't worry, I'm already way ahead of you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 584

You deserved it 9 898

Today, at physical therapy, I felt that all-too-familiar gurgle in my gut, but I thought it would a light, silent fart. I squatted for an exercise and shit my pants in front of the cute, single, male physical therapist. He definitely noticed. I still had 30 minutes left in the session. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 823

You deserved it 663

The Top

Today, I was paired up with a girl in my class for a project. She started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 93

Today, I had to say a deep sincere speech on assembly in front of the whole college on the recent floods in Queensland. Instead of saying "We are Queenslanders, when we get knocked down, we get back up" I stumbled and said "We are Queenslanders, when we get knocked up..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 687

You deserved it 5 505

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me and refused to give me back the condoms I'd just bought. Why? Because she wants to use them with the guys she's been cheating on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 400

You deserved it 4 289

Today, I locked my keys in my car. Good thing I went to Lowe's to make spares, which are also now locked in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 605

You deserved it 18 327

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend having phone sex less than 10 feet away from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 988

You deserved it 2 965

Today, in my lifeguarding course, I had to pull a 200-pound boy out of the pool in an exercise to practice using our legs when lifting. I, being only 90 pounds, tried pulling and ended up falling into the pool, landing with my lady parts on his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 236

You deserved it 842