Intimacy: Get out of here - FML

Get out of here

By Cpt Colin - 03/01/2012 07:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend hated the idea of sex so much she was willing to give me money for a stripper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 868

You deserved it 5 978

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

Life goals

By ShayisPay101 - 15/02/2010 18:58 - United States

Spicy

Today, my daughter told me she wants to be a stripper when she grows up, just like "Daddy's girlfriend." We're still married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 557

You deserved it 3 889

By Anonymous - 02/06/2012 15:16 - United States - Clermont

Spicy

Today, I was given a lapdance by a pregnant stripper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 988

You deserved it 42 023

Grossed out

By ChePow - 20/08/2011 18:26 - Canada

Spicy

Today, a stripper came into my work to get some posters copied. She asked if she could pay in small bills. I just touched $50 that have probably rubbed up against a stripper's twat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 518

You deserved it 6 530

Sounds hot

By oops999 - 19/11/2013 19:46 - United States - Downingtown

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to have sex. To set the mood, she suggested we watch a porno she once starred in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 014

You deserved it 9 487

Time is money

By asdfasdf - 24/01/2009 15:14 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend said she didn't want to have sex because it takes too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 219

You deserved it 5 969

By Big B - 04/02/2009 17:40 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was at the strip club. I put my dollar on the stage. When the stripper came over to take it, she stood me up and flipped my tits and said I had bigger ones than her. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 054

You deserved it 45 545

By Anonymous - 10/10/2014 21:51 - United States - Lemont

Spicy

Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 714

You deserved it 24 332

By Go away - 10/11/2013 08:03 - United States - Humboldt

Today, after doing vigorous chores all day with my girlfriend, her mom came and paid us each $100. My girlfriend cried and threw a fit because she said they were her chores, so she deserves all the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 544

You deserved it 4 723

New deal

By Anonymous - 05/01/2020 18:00

Today, my girlfriend's dad offered me $100 to break up with his daughter. I eagerly replied "No", but my girlfriend grabbed the money and said, "Deal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 695

You deserved it 282

By Anonymous - 06/10/2010 23:18 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my friends took me to a strip club for my 25th birthday. I went onstage with 5 dollars in my mouth to tip the dancer. She then took off my belt and pants and spanked me 25 times with the buckle end of the belt. I paid a stripper 5 dollars to whoop my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 683

You deserved it 38 540

Next

Top comments

Garzoo 4

Tuesday 3 January 2012 11:43

Wow. She's a keeper!

kut19 6

Tuesday 3 January 2012 11:45

Too cheap to spring for the prostitute?

Comments

SlickWillyTFCF 5

Tuesday 3 January 2012 20:48

How are you bitching about this?

monkeywrench1 10

Tuesday 3 January 2012 21:03

The stripper just gonna get you even more horny ask for a hooker! ;)

Ghosty91 2

Tuesday 3 January 2012 21:18

Im sorry but how is that bad?

shortysf21 2

Tuesday 3 January 2012 21:32

Sorry man but that doesn't sound like a promising future

chels1994 11

Tuesday 3 January 2012 21:33

That's disgusting in my opinion and I don't see how it'd be okay that she's offering you up so a ****...maybe I'm taking this too seriously, but its how I see it

phatdaddy62 23

Tuesday 3 January 2012 21:54

Tell her it's a hooker or no deal!

RedMoto113 0

Tuesday 3 January 2012 22:18

I'm pretty sure this is called "**** My Life". Not, "Hallelujah! Praise Jesus!! I'm the luckiest man alive!!!!"

wrenavery90 12

Sunday 24 July 2022 9:45

I'm quite confused as to why she's your girlfriend.

Keywords

Cheating Love Relatable Work Money My ex Jealousy Accident Health Medication ADHD Weather Snow Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Am I overreacting? Relationship advice Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts

The Top

Today, and for the past month, I've been feeling lightheaded from a breathing problem. I've now been prescribed a medication to help with my anxiety and my breathing issue, which would in turn help stop me from getting so lightheaded. The side effect of said medication: lightheadedness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 868

You deserved it 295

Today, my parents and I were looking for something using the TV's search bar. Despite never, ever watching anything resembling porn, one of the default search options was, "Hot female Asian sex videos." Thank God they have an excellent sense of humor, as they laughed their heads off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 302

You deserved it 81

The Top

Today, my co-workers and I have to fight for our jobs because of a mistake our managers made. They get to keep their jobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 223

You deserved it 385

Today, a co-worker gave me a couple of CDs he said he wanted me to listen to. I got excited, thinking that they were playlists he'd made for me. They were self-help tracks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 513

You deserved it 2 546

Today, in the attempt to have a relaxing self-care evening, I ran a bath, threw in some bath salts then put a face mask on and hopped on in. After about 7 minutes of relaxing, my back started burning, so I got out only to discover the bath salts have given me a rash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 108

Today, I went on a cruise. I gave my bags to a porter, and tipped him $5. Later that night, my bags still hadn't arrived at my room, and that's when I realized that I'd paid a fake porter to steal my bags. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 895

You deserved it 5 548

Today, my boyfriend asked me to explain why my ex keeps DM-ing me for money. I can’t bring myself to explain to him that I’m still paying off the abortion my ex helped me pay for from the ex before him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 438

You deserved it 1 514

Today, I was really, REALLY tired at work. I went to the restroom to take a little break, and must have dozed off, because I was awoken by my boss, knocking on the door of the stall. Apparently, I had been snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 689

You deserved it 32 915