Valentine's slay, The first time we met and Love: He's a keeper

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He's a keeper

By mariana - 08/02/2014 00:18 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I decided to ask the guy I like if he'll be my Valentine. I wrote the question on a piece of paper and passed it to him, trying to be cute. He read it, wrote his answer with a smile, and passed it back. It said, "Depends, do you swallow?" No, no I don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 700

You deserved it 10 346

April Pisces: Traps and Laughs
Laugh at the best (and worst) April 1st jokes. Watch out, you could be next! More…

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Same thing different taste

National bard

By bad poet - 02/12/2013 01:57 - United States - Millerton

Today, my boyfriend asked me to write him a poem, as I am an avid writer. Happily, I agreed. After hours of working, I proudly presented it to him. He read it, laughed, and said, "No babe, I meant a real poem." Maybe I should rethink my career choice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 750

You deserved it 4 664

Rare and inventive insult

By fuck you - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I asked the man of my dreams out on a date. His response: "I'd rather eat my own balls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 664

You deserved it 3 847

Forever

By fmynote - 27/08/2009 23:00 - United States

Today, I wrote a note for my crush of two years, expressing all my feelings for him, signed it as "Forever your lover", then I slipped it into his locker. Later that day, he walked up to me, tossed the note at me, and said, "You know I recognize your handwriting, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 328

You deserved it 29 820

By alphabetman - 14/09/2009 09:56 - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. Thinking I was being cute I spelled out "Marry Me" in alphabet soup, because that's her favorite. She took one look at it and started to laugh. She then began to spell out "no". She still ate the soup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 952

You deserved it 6 802

Always the bridesmaid…

By Anonymous - 25/01/2024 04:00 - Pakistan - Gujranwala

Today, my friend, on whom I have a crush since I can remember, read the most beautiful poem to me, which he'd written himself. After reading it, he said that it was for a girl he likes, and asked me if it was good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 519

You deserved it 137

Nice dude

By ThroatSlasher - 17/08/2015 19:20 - United Kingdom - Grimsby

Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He's smart, attractive, and has a steady job. Imagine my surprise when he accepted. Then imagine my surprise when he followed up with, "Hah, just kidding. You're fucking BORING!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 003

You deserved it 2 461

Denied

By Josie Stiger - 19/03/2020 05:00

Today, I wrote out a note to the guy I liked. I went to hand it to him, but he said, "Sorry, that's not mine," and walked away. I was so nervous, I couldn't speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 621

You deserved it 317

By SupaSu - 02/04/2009 05:35 - Canada

Today, I passed the girl I like a note asking her out, signed Mark H. She picked it up, read it, turned around and asked me, "Do you know who Mark H. is?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 771

You deserved it 7 937

Beautiful

By Anonymous - 10/05/2020 05:00

Today, my boyfriend wrote me poetry. Here's how it went: "Roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poetry, show me your tits." That's the most romantic thing he's done for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 428

You deserved it 475

By Maddie110110 - 07/06/2011 04:43 - United States

Today, I sent my boyfriend a long and heartfelt message. He responded with "tl; dr". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 209

You deserved it 6 701

onlychildFTW 33

Saturday 8 February 2014 5:25

I think it's better you not be with a guy like that. There are better guys out there for you. Keep your hopes up OP and good luck.

abusch 9

Saturday 8 February 2014 5:30

Well it would be a very awkward dinner if you didn't swallow anything.

Comments

friedgecko 9

Saturday 8 February 2014 8:51

That guy sounds like a creep. You deserve better than that, OP.

whatwhyhoo 10

Saturday 8 February 2014 8:54

Maybe that was his way of turning you down because he knew that would offend you. OR he was serious. I don't think you know him well enough.

ClockworkTinker 5

Saturday 8 February 2014 9:07

has anyone bothered to think maybe this guy was joking

howdoilogin 9

Saturday 8 February 2014 9:19

Maybe you should try swallowing then.

DeeTrain420 11

Saturday 8 February 2014 9:27

Lmfao!!! Damn homeboy got straight to the point.

Sannekee 18

Saturday 8 February 2014 9:29

I'll never understand people that won't swallow. Granted, semen doesn't taste nice, but swallowing is the fastest, cleanest and easiest way to get rid of the taste. If you spit you have to keep it in your mouth waaaaay longer than if you swallow, especially if you want to do it remotely graceful. So, sorry gal, ydi

glabberfasted 16

Sunday 9 February 2014 1:23

You act like those are the only 2 options. The EASIEST way to clean and get the taste out is to NOT TASTE IT to begin with. Give him a tissue.

squideth 18

Sunday 9 February 2014 1:49

Are you for real? "Someone doesn't do something that I have the ability to do, they deserve to be treated badly." You're a ******* ass. Good for you for ******* swallowing, but not everyone does and you're not superior because you do.