Love, Animals, Awkward, Dating and Drugs: High times - FML

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High times

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went on a date to the zoo. I soon found out that my date had eaten several hash brownies before entering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 452

You deserved it 4 287

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Same thing different taste

By Jaime - 31/03/2014 22:05 - United States - New York

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met online. Not only was he boring, he twice excused himself to go to the bathroom and both times he came back smelling of weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 397

You deserved it 6 826

By Anonymous - 26/09/2009 14:24 - United States

Today, I went on my first date in nearly a year. A few minutes into the meal, he called me "scrumptious" and made animal noises for the rest of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 173

You deserved it 3 328

By Anonymous - 01/04/2016 18:30 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my date took me to visit his farm. As we were walking, a wild rabbit darted past me and startled me. I tripped and fell face first into cow dung. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 739

You deserved it 2 737

By Anonymous - 01/01/2016 11:37 - Australia

Today, I went on a date at the park. Have you ever felt dozens of ants swarming up your legs and back? I have now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 093

You deserved it 1 723

By Anonyme - 06/04/2019 02:00

Today, I went on a date for the first time in ages, only to realize that the guy I was seeing chose to take us to a specific restaurant in able to stalk his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 334

You deserved it 160

By Anonymous - 16/12/2018 03:00

Today, I went on a date. I went to the bathroom for five minutes and returned to find my date had not only left, but poured ketchup all over our food to ruin it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 608

You deserved it 200

Bat out of hell

By goodeyesight - 11/10/2012 14:02 - Brazil - Sào Paulo

Today, I went on a blind date. Sadly, I wasn't blind enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 364

You deserved it 31 751

Pleased to meet y'all

By rokkstarrrVRV - 28/12/2013 08:42 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I took a girl on a date. Her and her imaginary friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 335

You deserved it 5 168

Tonight, on First Dates…

By Anonymous - 19/03/2023 22:00 - Australia

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really liked. He spent the whole time talking about his pet iguana and how it's the love of his life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 174

Cool moves

By Juanna - 13/01/2010 08:07 - United States

Today, I went on a blind date. We were walking in a park when I noticed a funny smell. I looked down and realized I'd stepped in dog crap. I tried to nonchalantly rub it off on the grass, but instead hit a patch of wet grass and slipped onto my butt, right into a pile of goose poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 692

You deserved it 4 527

Next

Top comments

eminemop 0

Monday 16 January 2012 23:47

Nothing like special brownies and a trip to the zoo!

gaffag 2

Monday 16 January 2012 23:48

That's a really good idea. Thank you

Comments

clydeglyde 1

Tuesday 17 January 2012 0:21

How is that a fml **** you

LunaDragon 10

Tuesday 17 January 2012 0:22

"Hash Brownies", pot laced brownies fool. Let me you're on them now, that's why you couldn't comprehend the fml, and you're thinking of hash browns for your munchies right? Seems legit.

perdix 29

Tuesday 17 January 2012 0:28

You must be pretty ugly, or difficult to talk to, or both.

Commander223 9

Tuesday 17 January 2012 2:04

Everyone who thumbed him down, Look at me. Then look at his name. Then look at the comment. Then his name again. I'm on a horse *whistles tune to Old Spice commercial*

Pelreskovich 11

Tuesday 17 January 2012 0:32

Rude of him to not offer you some, they make everything better!

jonagoo 8

Tuesday 17 January 2012 0:34

Haha I read this as hash browns and was wondering what was so bad.

bretty_boieeeeyy 0

Tuesday 17 January 2012 0:42

You didn't have to be so mean to him. I also didn't know what hash brownies were until I saw some of the comments

PRpandaz 6

Tuesday 17 January 2012 0:47

What a dumbass

clutz123 5

Tuesday 17 January 2012 0:58

lol, it probably made the zoo a lot more exciting

thew_fml 14

Tuesday 17 January 2012 1:03

why is this an FML? because the date didn't share? or was the date too stone to interact or respond to the OP? I'm not seeing it,a s written

thew_fml 14

Thursday 19 January 2012 0:07

I'm really not sure why my comment was moderated.. i just asked what the problem was? i was not insulting, or rude, and i did nothing covered in the rules.....

hjordis 2

Tuesday 17 January 2012 1:08

...Several?

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 855

You deserved it 4 047

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and he was moaning a lot. My ego was quickly crushed, though, when I found out they were moans of pain due to a foot cramp. We had to stop so I could rub his foot better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 905

You deserved it 6 746

The Top

Today, I walked into a wall, smashing my laptop into the top of my eye socket. This was all because I was carrying my laptop, phone and chocolate mug cake, all while trying to watch Netflix on said laptop. I feel like a 2016 cliché. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 036

You deserved it 16 212

Today, I spent way too long battling a vending machine that ate my dollar but didn’t give me my snack. After shaking it, kicking it, and practically hugging it, I finally gave up. As I walked away in defeat, it dropped the snack. I rushed back to claim my prize… and the janitor grabbed it before I could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 98

Today, I was discussing the traffic with my brother. He said the most common car colour is red. I said it was black. We ended up betting €100 on which three vehicles of either colour would pass by our house first. It seems a convoy of fire trucks had somewhere to be in a hurry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 278

You deserved it 12 264

Today, I have to give my cat medicine to help with his constipation. He doesn't like it. On the other hand, my other cat, who isn't constipated, loves it. This may prove to be challenging. FML

I agree, your life sucks 670

You deserved it 110

Today, I shat a magnet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 683

You deserved it 35 756

Today, I’ve been asking both my health insurance and the clinic in question under which circumstances an elective procedure would be covered by insurance. Each one of them tells me that the other has to make the decision. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798

You deserved it 93