Love, Animals, Awkward, Dating and Drugs: High times

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High times

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went on a date to the zoo. I soon found out that my date had eaten several hash brownies before entering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 452

You deserved it 4 287

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Same thing different taste

By Jaime - 31/03/2014 22:05 - United States - New York

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met online. Not only was he boring, he twice excused himself to go to the bathroom and both times he came back smelling of weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 397

You deserved it 6 826

By Anonymous - 26/09/2009 14:24 - United States

Today, I went on my first date in nearly a year. A few minutes into the meal, he called me "scrumptious" and made animal noises for the rest of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 173

You deserved it 3 328

By Anonymous - 01/04/2016 18:30 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my date took me to visit his farm. As we were walking, a wild rabbit darted past me and startled me. I tripped and fell face first into cow dung. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 739

You deserved it 2 737

By Anonymous - 01/01/2016 11:37 - Australia

Today, I went on a date at the park. Have you ever felt dozens of ants swarming up your legs and back? I have now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 093

You deserved it 1 723

By Anonyme - 06/04/2019 02:00

Today, I went on a date for the first time in ages, only to realize that the guy I was seeing chose to take us to a specific restaurant in able to stalk his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 334

You deserved it 160

By Anonymous - 16/12/2018 03:00

Today, I went on a date. I went to the bathroom for five minutes and returned to find my date had not only left, but poured ketchup all over our food to ruin it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 608

You deserved it 200

Bat out of hell

By goodeyesight - 11/10/2012 14:02 - Brazil - Sào Paulo

Today, I went on a blind date. Sadly, I wasn't blind enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 364

You deserved it 31 751

Pleased to meet y'all

By rokkstarrrVRV - 28/12/2013 08:42 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I took a girl on a date. Her and her imaginary friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 335

You deserved it 5 168

Tonight, on First Dates…

By Anonymous - 19/03/2023 22:00 - Australia

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really liked. He spent the whole time talking about his pet iguana and how it's the love of his life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 174

Cool moves

By Juanna - 13/01/2010 08:07 - United States

Today, I went on a blind date. We were walking in a park when I noticed a funny smell. I looked down and realized I'd stepped in dog crap. I tried to nonchalantly rub it off on the grass, but instead hit a patch of wet grass and slipped onto my butt, right into a pile of goose poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 692

You deserved it 4 527

eminemop 0

Monday 16 January 2012 23:47

Nothing like special brownies and a trip to the zoo!

gaffag 2

Monday 16 January 2012 23:48

That's a really good idea. Thank you

Comments

TehParteh 9

Tuesday 17 January 2012 1:48

Maybe you should have joined him, or leave

Carriah420 9

Tuesday 17 January 2012 1:49

This is NOT an FML. It disappoints me to see crap like this posted and decent FMLs are rejected.

holycoweh 2

Tuesday 17 January 2012 1:53

Ohhhh shit!! That brings back memories.

brenkite 5

Tuesday 17 January 2012 2:19

The water fountain dared me to do it- Otto after riding a turtle naked

dannykilljoy 4

Tuesday 17 January 2012 2:31

Are you mad because he didn't share?

KiddNYC1O 20

Tuesday 17 January 2012 2:31

Make sure to ride the cable car so you can both be high.

bubo_fml 10

Tuesday 17 January 2012 2:34

Point to the elephant droppings & tell him it's "Space cakes" & see if he goes for them!

Haitian_Hardhead 0

Tuesday 17 January 2012 2:34

Soooo???

ponyboi 0

Tuesday 17 January 2012 2:45

The lions only eat meat though so all your worries are with the monkeys

Okayitwasme 0

Tuesday 17 January 2012 2:58

I guess he planned on having a fun time with or without you.

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Keywords

Health Gross Animals Cats Cute Miscellaneous Embarrassing Movies Sleep Work Family Poopoo peepee Shoes Dogs Photography Concert Awkward Bikes Transportation Accident Neighbours Underwear Bosses Capitalism Frustration Love Kids Parenting Religion Annoying

The Top

Today, I passed out. I fell to the hardwood floor, cut my chin, and bit through my lip. Fortunately, my brother was there to help stop the bleeding and get me some water. All I had to do was wait until he finished his game of Call of Duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 615

You deserved it 1 865

Today, I was skinny dipping with some cute girls from school, one of which I really like. Everything was great until I caught a fish on my own personal nightcrawler and they had to take me to the ER. I'll forever be known as "Salmon Dick". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 487

You deserved it 724

The Top

Today, my neighbor's pesky 7-year-old daughter, who is friends with the guy I really like, decided to help me with him. She used her phone to send him a picture of me. I was in the shower, completely naked and surprised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 116

You deserved it 780

Today, I was shopping with my baby daughter when an older woman came up to me. She glared and said, "You know, if you kids learned how to keep your legs closed, you wouldn't be a mother at 16." I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 127

You deserved it 4 033

Today, I was at University when a giant mascot started walking in my direction. As they walked past, they whispered my name seductively. I still don't know who it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 672

You deserved it 5 336

Today, my sister attacked me and stuffed a Tic Tac up my nose. I'm currently in the hospital waiting to have it removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 497

You deserved it 3 208

Today, my boyfriend got angry because I laughed when he asked me if he should retire from being a Pokemon Trainer. He was serious. He's also 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 820

You deserved it 11 832

Today, I told my husband it would be great to spend an evening with a bottle of wine and a pile of blankets on the balcony of our cabin during the cruise. He decided it would be great to ditch me and go out gambling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 211

You deserved it 6 262