Intimacy: Hiya!

Hiya!

By mal - 08/05/2012 20:46 - United Kingdom - Chelmsford

Today, I brought my girlfriend home while my parents were at work, and things got a little heated. We lost track of time, because the next thing we knew, my dad burst into the living room. He doubled over laughing and asked how much I paid her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 207

You deserved it 6 271

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Same thing different taste

By iris - 18/05/2012 23:01 - Portugal - Lisbon

Today, I brought my boyfriend home, and I introduced him to my parents. Afterwards, I took him to my room so we could have some "bonding" time. Right as things got pretty intense, I heard my dad yell, "Stop faking, honey." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 242

You deserved it 36 257

By not picking up - 20/03/2015 17:50 - Slovenia - Zelimlje

Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents. My dad thought it'd be hilarious to act surprised and ask me if I'd already dumped the girlfriend I introduced him to yesterday. She slapped me and stormed out of the house before my dad could tell her it was a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 453

You deserved it 2 611

By policeopenup - 11/07/2009 19:38 - United States

Today, my girlfriend threw me on the couch as I walked in the door. I butt dialed my mom in the process. My girlfriend took off my pants and we got to business. After about 30 seconds of hearing what was going on, my mom thought something was wrong and called the cops to my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 393

You deserved it 8 739

By Anonymous - 01/03/2011 16:21 - United States

Today, me and my girlfriend were getting at it, and then my parents came home. I heard them and we scrambled to get our clothes on. My dad came into the room and found me wearing her pants inside out with her thong around my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 046

You deserved it 45 871

By unbelievable208 - 05/08/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it, I whispered in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I then heard behind me, "I am." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 652

You deserved it 86 720

Caught in 4K

By Anonymous - 22/03/2009 13:04 - Malta

Today, my parents were out so I invited my girlfriend over. It was the afternoon, and things started to heat up. We were having sex, and I was about to finish. Then I looked through the window, to see a construction worker (who was fixing the house next to mine) giving me a thumbs up. He's her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 196 690

You deserved it 34 726

Back to reality

By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 18:02 - United Kingdom - Saint Neots

Today, as her parents were supposed to be out of town, I stayed over with my girlfriend, and we ended up in bed together. Later on, while poking through the fridge, I heard footsteps, so I said, "Didn't think you'd be walking after that." I closed the fridge and saw her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 966

You deserved it 28 294

All kinds of wrong

By Anonymous - 10/04/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I had my girlfriend over after my wife went to work. She looked so sexy in her outfit, I couldn’t resist. I ripped her clothes off and began to do her on my couch… until I heard my daughter’s voice asking, “Dad, who’s that?” Apparently, she was home sick from school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 1 618

Not now, guys

By Sonofa - 17/05/2013 15:52 - Canada - Cold Lake

Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 242

You deserved it 3 808

It was an accident!

By innocent - 06/01/2014 21:32 - Australia

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 015

You deserved it 7 503

starbucksguy 16

Wednesday 9 May 2012 1:28

Harsh...but come on, how much did you pay?

shift_love 13

Wednesday 9 May 2012 1:28

Ahhhh dear old dad. Always love to make a mockery of his sons sex life.

Comments

UsernameHere234 13

Wednesday 9 May 2012 2:02

Could've gone over a lot worse. Be happy in that regard and hope your girlfriend didn't take it too harshly.

ElricMustang 23

Wednesday 9 May 2012 2:07

Well, did you answer?

Coffeebang 17

Wednesday 9 May 2012 2:11

At least you didn't get in trouble

NiecyLuv365 1

Wednesday 9 May 2012 2:27

I know because if that was me. My dad wouldn't have been so nice and try to make humor of the situation.

RawEndo 1

Wednesday 9 May 2012 10:25

Pretty sure he got in trouble with his girlfriend though

yadisingh 5

Wednesday 9 May 2012 2:11

See, your life isn't bad. MY dad would beat my ass and throw the girl out. Sneaking things don't go to well

Coldaemon 3

Wednesday 9 May 2012 2:16

To be fair if she was from Essex too your dad was well within his rights to assume you paid for her

maosquare 18

Wednesday 9 May 2012 2:36

Because the only way is Essex.

jujubunni5 9

Wednesday 9 May 2012 2:23

At least he didn't ask to join!

pagullarka 9

Wednesday 9 May 2012 3:47

Why yours did?

jujubunni5 9

Wednesday 9 May 2012 14:16

Wait. Yours wouldn't? Jk(:

tbribri33 0

Wednesday 9 May 2012 2:24

Your reply: "Depends... how much did mom pay you"

pagullarka 9

Wednesday 9 May 2012 4:34

Wouldn't that be a compliment to him.

MidnaLink 33

Wednesday 9 May 2012 5:41

27 thats classic... nice job

Taz23_fml 6

Wednesday 9 May 2012 2:25

Lesson one set a trap that would make him speak then run like hell to the back door.

houstonderek 3

Wednesday 9 May 2012 2:27

Sorry, gotta go with YDI. Losing track of time and screwing in your parents' living room? Bad form.

FaraNight 6

Wednesday 9 May 2012 2:38

This site makes my days soo much better?? Hahah!

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 772

You deserved it 3 934

Today, as a CNA, I had to go through the belongings of a patient. His phone rang and I answered - it was his boss. As I explained, he cut me off and said to "drop the act" and "he better be there now or he's fired". He was pronounced dead-on-arrival. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 674

You deserved it 197

The Top

Today, my mother flipped out that I spent $20 on a gift for myself for my birthday. Instead of getting a gift for me, she spent $300 on a new vacuum cleaner, and claims that we didn't have enough left in our budget to spend on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 994

You deserved it 129

Today, I began the first week of my internship. When I arrived in the morning, I saw a paper on the door that said, “Business holidays. Back in two weeks!” My internship ends in two weeks. They completely forgot about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 344

You deserved it 296

Today, I had to help pick a jury for trial. I had to do a roll call to make sure that everyone was present. I stood up in front of a packed courtroom and said, “Okay, I’m going to do a roll call to make sure that everyone is here and pregnant.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 590

You deserved it 676

Today, my dad forbade me from playing or listening to Queen because Freddie Mercury was gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 514

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours, hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming, "I meant it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 045

You deserved it 8 843

Today, my stepfather currently has a restraining order of 1 Km because he kept on stalking me and my fiancée. I'm getting married in a week and I just found out that my mother invited him. I need to think fast on how to stop this scumbag from showing up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 035

You deserved it 82