Alcohol, Drunk and Love: I get around

I get around

By Permafucked - 12/05/2009 14:23 - United States

Today, not wanting to be known as a lightweight anymore, I started drinking with some guy friends. After one beer, I ended up in bed with one of them, who kindly put my bra back on for me after, as I was too sloshed. I'm no longer known as lightweight, but instead, the slutty drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 100

You deserved it 86 209

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Same thing different taste

By lovewedge - 09/03/2009 00:25 - United States

Today, I was so drunk that my friends put me to bed during a party. Later I find out that while I was passed out two of my friends came in and had sex while I was in the same bed. They tried to use me as a prop. Now my friends call me the love wedge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 070

You deserved it 23 554

All over the place

By nemi - 31/08/2010 22:33 - Norway

Today, I was out having a beer with a few friends. After getting a pint, I slipped in a puddle of beer, fell on top of a stranger on the sofa, and knocked my beer upside down on my head. Then, completely soaked, I realized I'd also knocked over the table, spilling its content on a poor girl across it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 673

You deserved it 8 844

By Anonymous - 21/02/2014 17:37 - Germany - Naurath

Today, I found out what a lightweight my girlfriend is. After having a couple of drinks, she began flirting, then grabbed my ass. She felt around a bit before freaking out and asking where my penis was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 668

You deserved it 6 149

By chase - 25/01/2013 00:54 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, feeling lonely after my recent breakup, I put on my nicest clothes and went out clubbing with a few friends. I brought a guy back to my place, and we got intimate. It was going well, until he took off my push-up bra, then panicked and drunkenly asked, "Where'd they go?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 211

You deserved it 53 258

By Madmanmorton - 16/06/2011 18:34 - United States

Today, after a long night of drinking and partying, I woke up in my bed next to a beast of a woman. At least I know I made it home safely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 147

You deserved it 47 305

Party hard

By Jason the flasher - 15/09/2018 22:00

Today, I went to a party that my friends were throwing. I had a great time and got blackout drunk. I woke up to videos from my girlfriend from last night. At some point I'd managed to take off my shorts and boxers and spent the rest of the party naked from the waist down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 399

You deserved it 3 262

By bestbfever - 17/05/2017 02:00

Today, my drunk boyfriend called me by my best friend's name in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 849

You deserved it 413

By blackntangirl - 18/07/2009 23:31 - United States

Today, I woke up when the guy I had spent the night with slid out of bed. When he realized I was awake, he looked down at me, shook his head, and said "I've gotta lay off the beer..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 424

You deserved it 14 011

By holyshitbatman - 22/09/2012 14:06 - United States - Chicago

Today, I woke up naked next to my gay roommate after a night of drinking. Neither he nor I remember anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 532

You deserved it 29 765

By TragicallyAnxious - 10/05/2019 08:00

Today, I learned that drunk me from last night is apparently great at flirting. She also apparently flirted her way to a free bottle of white wine, only to shatter it on the kitchen floor at 2 a.m. How did I find out? Three words: glass in foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 474

You deserved it 649

zanyone 0

Tuesday 12 May 2009 23:08

so is one beer the most you have ever drank? sounds like a date rape drug to me.

MyNameIsAudrey 0

Tuesday 12 May 2009 23:05

I've heard of a four beer queer but that is just ridiculous.

Comments

GMSD213 0

Friday 15 May 2009 3:40

You didnt get drunk off one beer shut up. It was either a date rape drug or your lying. Now shut up and go home.

Beano 0

Friday 15 May 2009 6:11

ONE BEER? Wow... YDI completely.

lilcuti3pi389 0

Friday 15 May 2009 7:45

lmfaoooooo

lilcuti3pi389 0

Friday 15 May 2009 7:47

stupidest shittt ive ever heard of

Anniebbyx3 1

Saturday 16 May 2009 10:37

uhm. ha wow. Thats pretty.. sad. In a teenage girl's pov. ha.

goldthiosulfate 0

Saturday 16 May 2009 15:55

one beer? how much do you weigh, 40 pounds?

summer66_fml 0

Sunday 17 May 2009 0:45

dont worry im a slutty drunk too but seriously......1 beer???

tara_miller 0

Monday 18 May 2009 3:09

too bad you can't get drunk off of one beer. lawl. you're barely even feeling anything with one beer. n00bs.

melissa0309 0

Wednesday 20 May 2009 3:51

that's ridiculous!! you must weight like 95 pounds

atty11 0

Thursday 21 May 2009 3:02

she probably wanted it and blamed it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol. bwahahaha.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was telling my mother about my earrings hurting my ears. I had a cut on my ear close to the piercing and she thought that I had mistaken the cut for the opening, and said (as we walked past a car full of men), "Well of course it hurts when you put it in the wrong hole!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 053

You deserved it 8 438

Today, my brother's girlfriend came over to visit and we got to talking about books. Thinking she'd be interested, I suggested a few. She responded that she "only reads good literature." The only books I've ever seen her read are Fifty Shades of Gray and the Twilight saga. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 068

You deserved it 125

The Top

Today, I told my mother I was doing fine with my classes when I actually wasn't because her mother is dying, and I didn't want her to have more things to stress about. She found out and she's very hurt. I feel awful about it and I know lying wasn't the right thing to do, but in the moment I didn't want to cause her any more pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 847

You deserved it 213

Today, I decided to drive my mothers Bentley. She is out of town and told me not to go near the car. Being 17, I didn't listen. As I was backing out the driveway, I was hit by an SUV, seriously damaging my moms car. Who was driving the SUV? My mom, coming home early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 101

You deserved it 79 044

Today, my thieving, layabout stepmom planted weed in my bedroom and showed my dad. Well, maybe I'm jumping to conclusions here, but her smirk and telling me later that I shouldn't fuck with her again seems conclusive to me. Goodbye freedom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 123

You deserved it 3 083

Today, I was mugged at gunpoint by a senior citizen. She now has a lousy $20, and I probably have PTSD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 486

You deserved it 2 722

Today, I was on my hour long bus ride home with a full bladder. Right as the bus reached my stop, the time I spent holding it in was over. I didn't make it out of the aisle before I peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 148

You deserved it 7 426

Today, at a family reunion, my grandpa loudly said that I look like "a cheap Vegas whore" because of my heavy purple eye-shadow. I could tell that a few other people agreed. I was too embarrassed to explain that the "eye-shadow" was just dark circles from fatigue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 545

You deserved it 2 417

I get around

Same thing different taste

All over the place

Party hard

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