Sex, Jealousy and Intimacy: Jump on me, I beg you

Jump on me, I beg you

By RachelVanLannen9 - 12/07/2010 01:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend bought a pogo stick. Now he rides it more than he rides me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 234

You deserved it 10 724

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Sweet sensation

By Katrina641 - 26/02/2010 04:20 - France

Today, I realized that I get more turned on by my exercise bike than my boyfriend of 4 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 523

You deserved it 4 379

By Magicfml - 05/02/2017 20:00 - United States - Toledo

Today, I learned that my boyfriend is a better pole dancer than I am, despite daily practice. This was his first time trying it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 297

You deserved it 1 030

By missingcharlie - 17/08/2009 02:45 - United States

Today, in the middle of having sex with my boyfriend, instead of saying something sexy, he decided to tell me that the bowling alley had a new air hockey table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 151

You deserved it 5 701

By lonelygal69 - 19/08/2015 05:54 - United States - Stafford

Today, my husband decided he'd rather jerk off to the Wii Fit trainer than have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 124

You deserved it 3 797

By Elise - 28/04/2012 23:36 - United States

Today, my boyfriend figured out that he can bounce small things off of my boobs, and has been doing it every time I look away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 536

You deserved it 4 590

Experiment!

By anal-retentive - 23/06/2016 20:00 - United States

Today, in an attempt to spice things up a bit, my boyfriend and I discovered he takes it in the butt better than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 329

You deserved it 4 326

Practical

By Abused - 13/10/2010 08:36 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend used my love handles as ACTUAL love handles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 903

You deserved it 20 148

By asdfghjkl_12 - 25/02/2009 04:33 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend owns and wears more thongs than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 778

You deserved it 6 715

By Lisa - 18/07/2014 20:21 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my boyfriend wanted to take me out on a date. He doesn't have a car, but he said he'd borrow transport from his neighbor. He showed up at my house on a ride-on lawn mower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 115

You deserved it 7 376

Doggy style

By failuretolaunch2 - 26/02/2015 03:31 - United States

Today, my boyfriend managed to orgasm by humping my leg. I'm beginning to think I'm dating a puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 575

You deserved it 4 902

JordynnLOL 11

Monday 12 July 2010 9:04

surely a girl rides a guy? ..

beastlycass 0

Monday 12 July 2010 9:04

ouch that sucks. go buy a vibrator

Comments

leah12 0

Monday 12 July 2010 9:09

ps: 12--go back to kindergarden and learn how to count.

TomasT 0

Monday 12 July 2010 9:10

Of course, that is more fun...

loserboii 11

Monday 12 July 2010 9:10

I guess he has his own vertigo stick

kobebryant100 5

Monday 12 July 2010 9:12

14 you are beautiful.

FFML_314 11

Monday 12 July 2010 9:25

Thanks.

SKwrestler 0

Monday 12 July 2010 9:30

very..

FFML_314 11

Monday 12 July 2010 9:48

Lol, thanks.

morganavery33 5

Monday 12 July 2010 9:14

lol

fylkman 0

Monday 12 July 2010 9:15

suks 4 u and how wuld he ride u

kram02 2

Monday 12 July 2010 9:16

lol

beastlycass 0

Monday 12 July 2010 9:16

. - .

loserboii 11

Monday 12 July 2010 9:16

you want to take a ride on his disco stick?

AndreaHaha 0

Monday 12 July 2010 9:17

that sucks op

Keywords

Christmas You're fired Work Love AITA Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Miscellaneous Education Relatable Students Technology Health Mental health Romantic Break-ups Annoying Money Gross Ironic Argument Awkward Friends Cute Haircut Sex Intimacy Lonely Holidays Bosses

The Top

Today, my nosey louse of a coworker went to HR and told them I was snorting drugs at my desk. I was using nasal saline, as the dry winter weather wreaks havoc on my sinuses. The fact that they even brought me in pisses me off beyond words. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 78

Today, one of my 5-year-old son's teeth fell out, but he's quite scatterbrained and he lost it. He did however find my vibrating duck under my pillow, and is now crying because he thinks that I stole his tooth so that the tooth fairy would bring me a toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 145

You deserved it 7 104

The Top

Today, my mother-in-law called me selfish, lazy and a bad mother for giving my kids chores, like picking up toys and shoes. When we got married, my husband didn’t even know how to load a dishwasher or run a load of laundry. According to her, a "real mother" waits on her family hand and foot. Yeah, OK. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 171

You deserved it 256

Get back to work, you!

I agree, your life sucks 279

You deserved it 102

Today, I got mugged. After taking my cell phone, the guy politely said: "Thanks. Have a nice evening. Be careful on your way home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 118

You deserved it 3 177

Today, I hired an exterminator to get the roaches out of the house I'm renting. I came back from work and went to my bathroom, noticing that he used the plunger to unclog the toilet after he took a dump. After $150, there was shit all over my floor and plunger, and roaches still in my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 728

You deserved it 3 831

Today, there were a few loud and annoying kids running around my store. My coworker and I started talking. I jokingly stated, "Yeah, kids ruin everything." But before I could get out, "God knows I'm not ready to be a dad," my phone rang. It was my one night stand. I'm going to be a daddy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 091

You deserved it 75 398

Today, I placed sticky mouse traps in my bedroom. it's now 12:05 a.m. and I've successfully caught a mouse. Too bad I'm scared of them and my husband is passed out asleep. I now get to listen to a mouse squeak all night and have to be up in 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 913

You deserved it 6 560

Jump on me, I beg you

Same thing different taste

Sweet sensation

Experiment!

Practical

Doggy style

Top comments

Comments