Alcohol and Love: Lightweight

Lightweight

By fmlTGOD - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I have a "drinking problem". She says I don't drink enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 317

You deserved it 5 782

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Top comments

CinderellaC 4

Wednesday 24 August 2011 18:54

you should consult my therapist, Dr. Jack Daniel

shadowgamer_x 0

Wednesday 24 August 2011 18:53

You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Comments

Draugen 16

Friday 26 August 2011 2:03

Sounds like my kind of girl.

closeknitfamily 8

Friday 26 August 2011 4:40

count yourself lucky then, she must be well on her way to being an alcoholic

taurusxdee 10

Friday 26 August 2011 7:17

Who the **** are you dating, Kesha?!

ltsune 3

Friday 26 August 2011 7:38

If she says that she isn't a keeper anyway!

Jayden933 0

Friday 26 August 2011 8:12

sounds like a dumbass

jake53 0

Friday 26 August 2011 11:03

Watch beerfest with her then break out the beer pong table

TeenageDirtbagg 3

Friday 26 August 2011 23:26

Lmao drink up man !!

TrollinYourMom14 3

Saturday 27 August 2011 3:33

Well then drink up! Y'know, you're a pretty boring dude when you're sober, Dad... and I want a new mommy >:(

romanianboi 0

Saturday 27 August 2011 3:59

forget it shes an hj hoe bro

prttyinpink 0

Saturday 27 August 2011 4:10

the first thing I thought was she has to be blonde Haha ;)

Keywords

Health Healthy Lifestyle Poopoo peepee Gross Christmas Ironic Work Holidays Video games Gamers Love Embarrassing Public freakouts Gifts AITA Am I overreacting? Miscellaneous Racism Family Toxic Friends Drunk Coworkers Furniture Parents Intimacy Sex Relatable Lonely Money

The Top

Today, I called back a number I'd recently missed a call from. To my surprise, it was my boyfriend's fiancée's number. I've been with him four years, he's been with her for six. Turns out, not only is he a cheating jerk, but technically I'M the other woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 138

You deserved it 4 976

Today, it was my first time having sex with this guy. After a few second he stops, sits in the corner of his room buff-naked, with his knees up and his hands on his face. He then pouts and claims it was his worst performance ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 034

You deserved it 4 225

The Top

Today, while copying some stuff for school, I felt someone rubbing her boobs against my back. I got a boner and when I looked to see who the hot chick was, I saw my fat friend rubbing his man boobs against my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 595

You deserved it 56 397

Today, I spent $20 on a spray tan, $30 to have my make up done, and $50 on a pretty new dress all for a special date with my boyfriend. It turns out I spent $100 just to get dumped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 056

You deserved it 8 482

Today, I asked my family not to disturb me while I slept, as I had hit over 72 hours of insomnia. My family must have heard me say, “Come in every 20 minutes and wake me up with whatever banal shit you can think of.” I gave up when my mother-in-law decided to enter my room and start vacuuming the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 433

You deserved it 113

Today, I popped into the shower hoping to come out all warm and clean. Something was very wrong with the pipes, and I came out smelling like sewage instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 512

You deserved it 3 117

Today, after I missed in school for two and a half weeks, I also missed three tests. Now I gotta work for all of them during my holidays and read two books for school. My holidays are just gonna be like school, but with more work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 789

Today, I’m counting the things my mother has broken or ruined since I let her move in with me a year ago. So far, the list contains a Christmas tree, my power drill, a toaster oven, inherited kitchen knives, an expensive bath towel set, multiple kitchen gadgets, a flatbed scanner and a laser printer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 791

You deserved it 277