Intimacy and Animals: Meow! - FML

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Meow!

By patronuscat? - 05/10/2017 01:30

Today, I woke up in a guy's bed to one of his cats licking my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 637

You deserved it 1 067

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Same thing different taste

By cdn_steed - 23/04/2011 13:11 - United States

Today, at 5:30 in the morning while I was fast asleep, my cat decided the most threatening thing in my apartment that absolutely needed to be attacked was my left nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 979

You deserved it 4 662

By scratchpost - 28/10/2010 12:07 - United States

Today, my cat woke me up by sharpening his claws on my breast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 938

You deserved it 4 624

Kinky Crab

By Robert Herrin - 14/08/2018 18:30

Today, I fell asleep with my hermit crab on my bed and woke up to him pinching my nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 014

You deserved it 2 137

By Anonymous - 04/09/2017 20:00

Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 151

You deserved it 483

By crazycatlady - 24/08/2016 09:43 - United States - Ashland

Today, I woke up with my cat's asshole planted firmly on my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 195

You deserved it 1 580

Rise and shine

By Anonymous - 29/04/2020 08:00

Today, my cat woke me up at 3 a.m. by jumping from the shelf and landing on my nutsack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 556

You deserved it 282

By Anonymous - 14/01/2011 20:53 - United States

Today, while playing with my cat, she decided to give me a surprise nipple piercing with her claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 259

You deserved it 5 275

Bittie

By Alwayspotato - 11/07/2020 05:02

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend, he had his head on my chest and we both fell asleep. Suddenly, I woke up by my boyfriend biting my nipple, hard, in his sleep. I now need to go to the pharmacy because of a bleeding nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 546

You deserved it 186

The little things

By Anonymous - 13/09/2010 16:03 - United States

Today, I woke up to my husband slowly pulling my blanket off me. I thought he was being romantic until I realized it was because the cat had puked all over me while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 291

You deserved it 2 943

By Anonymous - 03/10/2012 16:29 - United States - Santee

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my cat meowing, with her dilated vagina in my face, giving birth to her first litter of kittens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 990

You deserved it 5 417

Next

Top comments

Glowworm56 26

Thursday 5 October 2017 2:19

If I'm not mistaken, alcohol definitely had a hand in this scenario.

mrjiggles1992 18

Thursday 5 October 2017 10:22

This is rather common with cats! They are genuinely trying to suckle. It’s not some weird thing they will have taught their cat to do! The FML here is not knowing animal behaviour and instantly being weirded out.

Comments

tonyfan00 38

Friday 6 October 2017 5:57

Smart cat!

xcllla_ 27

Friday 6 October 2017 6:49

Kinky

Jason Nicholas Dunn 1

Friday 6 October 2017 23:42

Sometimes you lick the pussy, and sometimes the pussy licks you...

musicman_amit 20

Tuesday 23 January 2018 16:35

pics or it didn't happen

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The Top

Today, my husband demanded I delete all my male friends/contacts except family members. All this because I texted one of my male friends, “Happy Birthday! Hope you have a good one.” According to him, “One thing leads to another then next thing you know you both are in bed fucking like rabbits.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 494

You deserved it 297

Today, in my college class, our teacher asked us what we wanted to do when we get out of college. I guess being a U.S. Marine gets you a lecture for the whole class to hear that I'm a war hungry pig, and should get a real job that requires a brain. My job field is Aircraft repair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 408

You deserved it 4 510

The Top

Today, I was informed that I am, in fact, faking my depression. Why? Because I shower daily. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 080

You deserved it 87

Today, I was talking to my boss about her children. She told me she didn’t want them to develop any problems by letting them sleep with the light on. I didn’t tell her last night I slept with the light on because I’m scared of ghosts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 341

You deserved it 44 862

Today, my girlfriend decided to raid my games collection and try her hand at Amnesia: The Dark Descent. Two hours later, despite my best attempts to make her stop shrieking like a dying crackhead every two minutes, two cops showed up at the door with our neighbors in tow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 057

You deserved it 3 062

Today, I woke up with my eye swollen half shut. To spare the embarrassment, I asked my mom if I could stay home from school. She said no, but also attempted to make me feel better by saying that with my eye, my acne was unnoticeable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 815

You deserved it 3 158

Today, I told my husband it would be great to spend an evening with a bottle of wine and a pile of blankets on the balcony of our cabin during the cruise. He decided it would be great to ditch me and go out gambling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 212

You deserved it 6 262

Today, I had to write an argumentative essay about the morality of homosexuality. The prompt actually uses the phrase "the dangers of homosexuality." I'm bisexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 965

You deserved it 242