Intimacy: Nice try

Nice try

By realitybites - 08/07/2013 17:03 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, while at the doctor's, a week overdue with my first child, I was told that sex and orgasms can sometimes help to induce labor. On the way home, my boyfriend asked for road head, arguing that "She said that stuff about orgasms." Not you, honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 139

You deserved it 7 333

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Same thing different taste

Waste of time

By I'mmessedup - 29/09/2021 22:59

Today, after weeks of every excuse not to, my wife wanted sex. It was amazing, and she had at least 3 orgasms. Instead of cuddling afterwards, she got up like someone kicked her and started bitching about all the things she could have been doing, as she got dressed and stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 152

You deserved it 538

By how about never? - 19/10/2014 11:22 - United States - San Fernando

Today, I gave birth to my first child. The first thing my husband says? "When can I hit it again, doc?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 924

You deserved it 5 173

Busting makes me feel good

By neverdoingthatagain - 27/02/2016 03:35 - United States - Pottstown

Today, my wife's pregnancy hormones made her extremely horny. The doctor said that intercourse during pregnancy was very healthy, so we decided to do it. Let's just say that the bumpy ride didn't help her morning sickness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 356

You deserved it 2 145

By Anonymous - 04/10/2012 15:17 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I yet again had to explain to my boyfriend that, yes, I can get pregnant even if I don't actually have an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 053

You deserved it 4 241

Confusion is Sex

By Anonymous - 18/08/2021 18:01

Today, I was giving my wife a massage. That led to some very intense and passionate love making, and she told me that has been the best sex we’ve had. Next thing I know, she's upset and yelling at me about how massages always lead to sex. She was asking for it. Literally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 803

You deserved it 168

By crazy mother in law - 17/12/2012 18:48

Today, my husband told my mother-in-law that we're trying to have a baby. She decided to call me and explain in extreme detail what positions to try, and when. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 124

You deserved it 5 027

By anonymous - 13/11/2015 00:00 - Netherlands

Today, my boyfriend rather stupidly assumed that because my vagina is no longer in use after giving birth, we would automatically start having anal sex. After I loudly explained how that wasn't happening, he then had the nerve to ask for a blowjob before we'd even left the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 319

You deserved it 3 947

By Anonymous - 28/02/2014 21:10 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, frustrated that my boyfriend never gives me any orgasms when we make love, I tried politely hinting that he needs to improve. To start with, I said maybe he should be more spontaneous in bed. He replied, "What, like putting it in your ass? Gotcha." Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 853

You deserved it 16 533

By Anonymous - 19/03/2019 06:00 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, after a 3-month dry spell because I am recovering after having a baby, I was finally in the mood to get intimate with my husband. Foreplay was great, the sex was great until my back gave out right as I was about to cum. I can't move without intense pain. I just wanted to orgasm! FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 597

You deserved it 257

By countryblumpkin - 01/08/2013 18:06 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, my husband begged me to go down on him while he sat on the toilet, taking a crap. He tried to convince me that we'd both somehow experience mind-blowing orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 089

You deserved it 7 167

pwnman 33

Monday 8 July 2013 22:53

You could have said that having sex with him caused the problems!

xoamy906 25

Monday 8 July 2013 22:53

What would make him think it was about him?

Comments

NekoNekoMidnight 7

Monday 8 July 2013 23:31

My mother has told me and some of my friends who have been pregnant (I have not been pregnant) that consuming sperm can help start labor. I don't remember exactly why but she said it worked for all 3 of the kids she's had!

perdix 29

Monday 8 July 2013 23:37

#31, are you on the boyfriend's payroll?

tegraturbo2000 15

Monday 8 July 2013 23:52

lol thats great

kayteakay 26

Tuesday 9 July 2013 1:18

Sperm contains the same chemical that they give you to induce labor. My husband made the same round of corny jokes when I had to be induced with our sons.

askingandy 23

Monday 8 July 2013 23:32

It's possible she didn't actually breed with him, but that it's another person's baby and they started dating while she was pregnancy. So hopefully she didn't pass along those self-centered, shitty genes after all.

Altrnate_Reality 14

Monday 8 July 2013 23:41

leave it to a guy to think that him having an ****** would induce labor..

paprika_pilipili_fml 14

Monday 8 July 2013 23:47

Your boyfriend is either a retard, either a complete douchebag. I don't know what's worse...

MsMourningStar 22

Tuesday 9 July 2013 5:37

"Your boyfriend is either retarded or a complete douche bag."

Playitlovely 13

Monday 8 July 2013 23:56

I am sorry you had to deal with that, at least he is a boyfriend and not a husband...

MzZombicidal 36

Tuesday 9 July 2013 0:31

But, either way, they're having a baby together. So even if they break up, they'll always have that child keeping them together in some way.

itsnotyourfault 9

Tuesday 9 July 2013 0:12

He is obviously a terrible listener... He is missing out on some important information!

FrankHotpants 31

Tuesday 9 July 2013 0:15

Perhaps he's a bit selfish but regardless of her pregnancy I'm sure it wouldn't have changed the fact that he wanted some head, the man saw an opportunity and took it.

Chellybelly92 14

Tuesday 9 July 2013 0:16

Being 9 months pregnant can you even bend down to give him head?

RedPillSucks 31

Tuesday 9 July 2013 17:31

Maybe he's so well endowed that she doesn't have to bend down.

dawnimus 21

Tuesday 9 July 2013 1:18

I'm really surprised that nobody has commented on how ******* unbelievably dangerous road head is. Driving safely requires concentration, you can't ******* concentrate on the road when you've got someone's mouth wrapped around your ****.

neuroticallyyour_fml 17

Tuesday 9 July 2013 2:34

and I'm really surprised that no one has pointed out that it has in fact been mentioned and you've just failed to see it.

dawnimus 21

Tuesday 9 July 2013 8:33

Admittedly I missed number #11 where it says it's potentially fatal, but other comments have talked about how giving road head "that far along" is dangerous/impossible, which wasn't the point I was making. Also the discussions about it being generally unsafe were made in reply to earlier comments and all happened after I posted this. So sorry I missed one comment, I'll go and hide in a corner now.