Intimacy: No gods, no masters

No gods, no masters

By anon - 31/07/2015 20:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 376

You deserved it 34 735

The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 13/12/2009 05:19 - United States

Today, I let my boyfriend finger me for the first time. Today, I also learned, after fifteen very, very long minutes of it, how to fake an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 645

You deserved it 6 410

What is it?

By Anonymous - 06/08/2009 22:46 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, I had my first orgasm. He thought something was wrong, so he stopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 206

You deserved it 8 228

Turn off

By Anonymous - 03/11/2012 18:02 - Australia - Wembley

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered, "Cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 085

You deserved it 4 262

Bad actor

By Anonymous - 20/04/2021 23:00

Today, I tried faking an orgasm for the first time, because I thought it would be sexy for my boyfriend. He stopped to ask me if I was okay. I guess I'm not good at faking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 354

You deserved it 1 399

Frustrated wank

By Anonymous - 05/10/2023 19:00

Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 578

You deserved it 313

By Highnapple - 04/03/2015 07:55 - Canada - Sarnia

Today, my boyfriend was pleasuring me with his hands. After two years of being together, he was finally about to make me orgasm for the first time by himself. Just as I was reaching my peak, he orgasmed at the thought of finishing me off and stopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 145

You deserved it 4 530

Actor's Studio

By darthmilfious - 31/03/2010 07:56 - France

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was making a list of things to do tomorrow while faking an orgasm when I realize my boyfriend had finished about two minutes ago. He's pissed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 684

You deserved it 69 145

By valerie - 28/05/2011 01:04 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 047

You deserved it 18 792

Romance isn't dead

By budda1368 - 09/10/2019 22:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. It was amazing, besides for the fact I barely felt him. I pretty much faked the entire thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 233

You deserved it 1 285

Do that again

By lotrgeek - 13/02/2012 13:37 - Canada

Today, in the midst of having sex, my boyfriend decided that, as a joke, he would pretend to be a zombie whilst going down on me. Sadly, the thought turned me so much that I came. This was the first orgasm he's ever given me in over a year of dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 653

You deserved it 7 142

raysmith121 10

Saturday 1 August 2015 8:29

This really is your fault. You should instruct him and guide him.

MDoremis 38

Saturday 1 August 2015 8:31

You kind of deserved that. There's no point in lying to save someone's feelings and make yourself miserable.

Comments

chch3 5

Saturday 1 August 2015 19:49

Why don't you tell him how you feel

WOTAN1488 24

Saturday 1 August 2015 19:53

Hilarious.

missmisery86 11

Saturday 1 August 2015 19:54

hahaha ive been there. why do guys think thats in any way a good thing to do? i know faking an ****** just so they will stop doesnt help but i dont want to make the guy feel bad or embarassed either. but seriously, i dont understand why the female anatomy is such a mystery to guys. would they like it if we started slapping their dicks really hard? doubt it.

nitrog100 21

Saturday 1 August 2015 20:09

If you've ever seen some of the terrible advice they give in Cosmo, you'd know that many women don't know (pardon the double entendre) dick.

drshn 22

Saturday 1 August 2015 20:09

Ok everyone here saying YDI need to calm down and empathize more. She is a teenager and she does not clearly know what to do. @OP, choose a time when you both are in good mood and tell him where he went wrong. It week hurt his ego but you ate the experienced one so take the high road and explain it to him patiently.

mrBearBear 11

Saturday 1 August 2015 20:17

If it's his first time then you need to teach him. You could've told him what to do an had an actual ****** but instead you'll have to endure his ****** smacking.

CaptainBlack 18

Saturday 1 August 2015 20:46

probably something he saw in some **** and thought it would be a good idea in real life

thewhale 8

Saturday 1 August 2015 21:07

Has he not watched **** before?

TisAPenguin 16

Saturday 1 August 2015 21:33

That's on you. Be honest. It's that simple. You're an idiot.

rabbi1010 29

Saturday 1 August 2015 21:36

you deserve it. What happens when he wants to get intimate again? If youre mature enough to be having sex then you should be mature enough to at least let him know that hurts.