Health: Oh shit…

Oh shit…

By half-dead in CA - 31/05/2014 16:39 - United States - San Francisco

Today, as I was standing in line at the checkout, the elderly guy in front turned around and said quietly to me, "Sometimes I shit my pants." He then nodded grimly and turned back around, hitting me with the full force of the stench now coming from his pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 331

You deserved it 4 014

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 05/04/2014 04:04 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, while in line at my local bakery, an old man passed wind in front of me. The smell was like nothing I've ever experienced before. I managed to withstand it, but the child behind me could not, and spewed orange vomit all over my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 766

You deserved it 3 435

Take a break

By Anonymous - 04/05/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 114

Stealth bomber

By Jogger - 19/08/2020 14:01

Today, I was standing in line at a coffee shop when the guy stood behind me let out a huge fart, then walked away. The rest of the line turned around, thinking that it was me. An old lady started to lecture me about being rude, while the guy who did it laughed behind his mask in the corner of the shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 570

You deserved it 136

Own it!

By Anonymous - 19/03/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, while standing in line at the store, I thought I could let a small fart slip and blame it on the guy behind me. I did it, then turned to glare at him in disgust, only for him to turn and yell at the crowd, “This bitch farted, not me!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 1 438

By Anonymous - 16/07/2013 04:41 - United States

Today, as I was about to enter a public restroom, a man walked out and said, "You may want to hold your nose in there. I just took the biggest dump of my life." It was the ladies' restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 197

You deserved it 3 373

Stealth

By smellyhair - 02/11/2014 11:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I was shopping for a new deodorant, and this guy was standing in the way. He wouldn't move, so I crouched down to get the one I wanted, right when he did the most violent fart right in my face. Then his wife came over, made a face and he whispered, "I think that girl just farted". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 141

You deserved it 3 867

By Anonymous - 31/12/2013 18:22 - United States - Bessemer

Today, I was at work alone with a stomach bug. For some reason, our bathroom was out of toilet paper, so I had to quickly run to the nearest store to buy more, only to shit my pants midway there. I'm pretty sure the cashier knew exactly what had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 190

You deserved it 4 208

By oops - 04/03/2016 21:28 - United States - Mankato

Today, I accidentally farted while shopping. There was an awkward silence followed by a god-awful stink and a lady's little girl bursting into tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 047

You deserved it 3 420

Get a load of this

By Zoro - 13/09/2023 21:00 - Canada - Burnaby

Today, I had a wet fart with liquid in my underwear that I could smell. I let the one guy in front of me take the elevator so he wouldn't smell me. When the next empty elevator showed up, seven people started lining up behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 607

You deserved it 186

By Anonymous - 17/07/2015 17:14 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I felt some serious gas building up while at the supermarket. I tried to quietly fart it out, only to end up sharting myself. I had to frantically waddle out of the store as discreetly as possible as several people in the vicinity freaked out and tried to locate the source of the smell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 578

You deserved it 4 361

Cherryta 17

Sunday 1 June 2014 1:36

It runs in the genes.

itsalanis 25

Sunday 1 June 2014 1:37

He gave you a fair warning there, OP. Heh...

Comments

Warmonger_Smurf 29

Sunday 1 June 2014 1:45

*Insert depends puns here*

rocker_chick23 27

Sunday 1 June 2014 1:50

More like F the old mans life.

DocDrose 20

Sunday 1 June 2014 1:51

HOLY CRAP!

gbrodee1 5

Sunday 1 June 2014 1:57

must've been a shitty time

ultra_notorious 26

Sunday 1 June 2014 2:11

surprising he didn't ask you to help change his grampers!

raspution 21

Sunday 1 June 2014 2:28

shit happens

Neesalun 20

Sunday 1 June 2014 2:50

I made myself laugh by imagining you touching his shoulder and gravely nodding to him while saying "me too" as you shit your own.

glabberfasted 16

Sunday 1 June 2014 4:42

Might've made the old man feel better about himself!

sunnysideup25 7

Sunday 1 June 2014 4:29

Those checkout wait times can be crappy sometimes.

boshbish 14

Sunday 1 June 2014 5:12

Once i get like that old man I am going straight to Dignitas

fml_fyl_ydi_1342 8

Sunday 1 June 2014 5:25

At least he warned you!

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The Top

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You deserved it 93

Today, I was telling my mother about my earrings hurting my ears. I had a cut on my ear close to the piercing and she thought that I had mistaken the cut for the opening, and said (as we walked past a car full of men), "Well of course it hurts when you put it in the wrong hole!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 054

You deserved it 8 438

The Top

Today, things were getting heated between me and the guy I like, and we were about to have sex. I told him to turn the TV off so we can get started. His response? "But I like this show." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 620

You deserved it 6 034

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, meeting his family for the first time. I was leaning against him when he reached around, grabbed my boobs, and started making "pew-pew" laser noises, all in front of his family. I can't believe I'm dating this child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 605

You deserved it 15 727

Today, my college charged me for tuition for next semester. I graduated two years ago. I have a degree from a place too stupid to only charge current students. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 639

You deserved it 2 346

Today, my boss told me that we're having a big meeting tomorrow, with lots of important people. Before leaving the room he added, "Please, tomorrow, try to dress better." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 911

You deserved it 6 460

Today, my girlfriend's dad pulled out the chocolate-flavoured condom that went missing under the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 656

You deserved it 20 286

Today, my 27-year-old boyfriend told me he hides our condoms in his Poké Ball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 512