Sex, Relatable and Love: Prize - FML

Prize

By Anonymous - 03/05/2013 21:00 - Germany

Spicy

Today, I overheard my boyfriend admitting that he's only dating me because having me around "sucks a bit less than fucking my own hand". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 798

You deserved it 5 326

Valentine's Day: Love and Maladresse
Discover romantic anecdotes with a touch of awkwardness - because nothing expresses love better than a little discomfort! More…

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Same thing different taste

By Ananimus - 26/08/2015 12:31 - United States - Peekskill

Spicy

Today, I overheard my boyfriend of two years saying he only dates me because "sometimes jerking off just ain't good enough". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 606

You deserved it 2 381

Classy

By Username - 07/06/2011 06:51 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when he sweetly whispered in my ear, "It's not gonna suck itself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 987

You deserved it 13 040

Bored

By Anonymous - 23/06/2022 18:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me he’d rather masturbate than have sex with me, and that sex with me is a chore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 265

You deserved it 395

Same

By Anonymous - 08/01/2015 14:24 - Estonia - Tallinn

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me that he gets more pleasure out of using a Q-tip than he does having sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 980

You deserved it 6 087

Effective

By zstarr - 14/07/2012 11:15 - United States - Rome

Spicy

Today, I realized my boyfriend uses sex as a way to get me to stop talking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 628

You deserved it 32 443

By serenti - 13/10/2011 21:30 - Sweden

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me that the only reason he likes me is because I let him watch porn without throwing a fuss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 161

You deserved it 7 036

And they say romance is dead…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years accidentally admitted to me that he settled for me because he doesn't think he can do any better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 444

You deserved it 2 941

By Username - 08/07/2011 06:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his friends about how great the sex was last night, and how he loves to "make a bitch bend over". We've been dating for 3 years, and haven't made love in several weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 597

You deserved it 6 700

By really - 22/05/2016 02:23 - United States - Denver

Spicy

Today, I realized my boyfriend's right hand gets more action in a week than I do in a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 278

You deserved it 2 887

Money first

By Anonymus - 31/01/2020 20:00 - Canada - Warkworth

Today, my "boyfriend" told me that he loves money more than me and would date it if he could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 921

You deserved it 332

Next

Top comments

challan 19

Saturday 4 May 2013 2:18

Time for him to go back to wanking then, isn't it?

woainishamu 21

Saturday 4 May 2013 2:18

Bite his dick.

Comments

frecklefacee 6

Sunday 5 May 2013 22:23

BREAK UP WITH HIM! That's so rude!

ordonblade46 3

Monday 6 May 2013 21:03

You SUCK a bit less than his hand? Just saying, but in a relationship, shouldn't you be the one sucking more?

IsRaeliPrinCess 8

Wednesday 15 May 2013 20:28

He must be Deidara if his hands are sucking him! O__O

Mabonga 12

Friday 29 November 2013 13:25

shouldnt listen to other people's conversations

pesukarchu 11

Sunday 4 May 2014 11:53

Wow, that's one crappy guy. I know it's an old post, but still. I'm assuming you dumped him long ago.

Queenie2014 11

Friday 23 May 2014 7:20

I hope you dumped him

Keywords

Family Miscellaneous Toxic Food Love Health Valentine's Day Gross Homeowners Home improvement Babysitter Kids Drugs Awkward Music Crush Lonely Relatable Intimacy Wanker Animals Cats Coworkers Work Embarrassing Sleep Transportation Airplanes Mental health Cute

The Top

Today, I told my husband that if he wanted any chance of salvaging our marriage, we would have to go to counseling and he must cut ALL ties with the woman he had an affair with. The sniveling worm actually had the audacity to ask, “If we stop the sex, can I still stay friends with her?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 145

You deserved it 297

Today, I learned the meaning behind the phrase, "Love you long time". It's from the movie Full Metal Jacket, when a hooker comes in and says, "Me so horny, me love you long time." I've been saying this to my parents and people at school, having no idea what it really means for over 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 794

You deserved it 22 749

The Top

Today, I punched an older woman in the face. I only hit her after she grabbed my 4-year-old daughter and told her to, "stop dancing like a whore!" My daughter was so terrified, she peed her pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 032

You deserved it 225

Today, I found out when my new roommate said she was self-employed, she really meant unemployed. She insists that I let her stay for free or she will file a sexual assault case against me. Rent is due on the 10th. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 035

You deserved it 157

Today, I saw my boyfriend using a washcloth to clean his cock and sweaty balls. He told me he's been doing this for quite some time now. Guess who's been using the same washcloth to clean her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 579

You deserved it 430

Today, I really wanted to spend a night of passion with my lover, so I'd arranged to meet him in a very classy hotel, gave him the room number, and waited for him in a super-sexy outfit. There was a knock at the door, so I opened it slowly and enticingly, assuming it was him. It was room service. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 415

You deserved it 11 958

Today, my boyfriend dumped me so he could sleep with my mom without feeling guilty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 622

You deserved it 3 347

Today, I'm on holiday with my boyfriend's family for the first time. Unfortunately, I have diarrhoea and keep leaving extremely smelly farts around the house. I blame the dog every time, but I think they're catching on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 979

You deserved it 545