Intimacy: Screwing

Screwing

By ThanksMom - 26/03/2009 18:17 - United States

Today, my parents were helping me construct my bed. We ended up not having enough screws to properly secure the frame. My dad mentioned that it might cause problems if I got a girl into my bed. My mom said, "Don't worry about it, we all know that's not going to happen." FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 589

You deserved it 9 207

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Same thing different taste

Too. Much. Information.

By knnev - 05/09/2021 08:01

Today, I had to explain to my mother that she needed to buy a new mattress, telling her that we could hear the springs rattling every time she had sex with my dad. She then went on to explain that that is why they have sex on my bed when I'm not home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 647

You deserved it 179

By Noname - 24/02/2009 18:13 - United States

Today, I asked my dad if he could fix my bed. It had been squeaking for some time. He shook his head no. He then continued with, "Your bed is a security system and as far as I can tell, you haven't gotten any in weeks". FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 688

You deserved it 5 273

By CallaC - 15/03/2012 02:01 - Canada

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 505

You deserved it 2 898

Back to reality

By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 18:02 - United Kingdom - Saint Neots

Today, as her parents were supposed to be out of town, I stayed over with my girlfriend, and we ended up in bed together. Later on, while poking through the fridge, I heard footsteps, so I said, "Didn't think you'd be walking after that." I closed the fridge and saw her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 968

You deserved it 28 295

By taurus05 - 14/11/2009 03:02 - United States

Today, I was talking to my fellow coworker about how nervous I was about sleeping with this guy I really liked. She's been constantly giving me advice about him for months, but today she said "Oh don't worry, he isn't that good in bed anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 161

You deserved it 3 341

By bunkbed - 30/08/2011 16:45 - Canada

Today, I bought my daughter a bunk bed. After spending several hours building it, she climbed up, then fainted. Turns out she's afraid of heights. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 056

You deserved it 3 876

Neglect

By Very caring parents - 26/02/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I'm staying at my parents' house. I was woken up by the fan in my bedroom falling down. I calmly picked it back up and went to bed, wondering why my parents weren't concerned at all. My mom said she figured it was nothing, and when my dad tried to say something, she retorted, "You didn't even wake up!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 384

You deserved it 102

By fmjob - 21/07/2009 04:39 - Canada

Today, I finally told my parents I would be changing bedrooms because I could no longer stand hearing them having sex, which is awkward and disturbing. Later, my dad came and asked me quietly if I thought my mom sounded "satisfied." FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 294

You deserved it 6 253

By linn - 27/09/2012 20:14 - United States

Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 133

You deserved it 3 210

Dry

By moresexperience - 11/09/2009 12:26 - United States

Today, I had dinner with my girlfriend of five months along with my mom and dad. It all was going fine until my mom asked aloud, "Everything going smooth for you in the bedroom?" to which my girlfriend replied, "No." I'd actually been painting the master bedroom at my parent's house for some extra cash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 469

You deserved it 4 307

puffingdragons 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 23:58

Mothers deliver the sickest burns. True story.

ohhboyy 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 23:58

tell your mom you inherited the ugly genes from her. that'll keep her quiet.

Comments

PlasticShark 0

Friday 27 March 2009 1:01

Ur m0mz l33t

fakeredone 1

Friday 27 March 2009 1:06

ugh im tired of hearing all these FMLs of parents saying their kids cant get laid. lets move on

jesslackszazz 0

Friday 27 March 2009 1:12

Well atleast your Dad believes you can get a girl.

genius_man16 0

Friday 27 March 2009 1:14

just make sure to have lots and lots of sex with lots and lots of girls and keep a tally. Then walk up to your mom and show her the list or something. Or do what #3 said, that would probably be best. #2 is right though, mom's can really hit below the belt pretty well sometimes and i accidentally hit "YDI" so you can take one of those off the tally. Not sure how people think you deserved this one though...

havocnyc 0

Friday 27 March 2009 1:20

Damn, you should break it just to prove her wrong man.

misssweetsweet 0

Friday 27 March 2009 1:20

maybe she said that because she thinks it would be disrespectful for you to screw someone in her house... not that it would stop you apparently.

uhohh 0

Friday 27 March 2009 1:24

future fml: today, i went over to my boyfriends house for the first time. ive been feeling really insecure about my weight lately but i decided to be playful so instead of just sitting on his bed i jumped onto it. it collapsed under me. I started crying. FML