Love, Health and Intimacy: Size Queen

Size Queen

By Anonymous - 11/11/2019 05:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were taking a shower together. We were fooling around when she took the shower head and started spraying my penis with it. I asked her, "What are you doing?" Her response, "I'm watering it to make it grow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 259

You deserved it 14 872

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Malding

By Anonymous - 07/07/2015 02:21 - United States

Today, while reading my girlfriend's kids a story, her daughter started pouring a tiny watering can on my head. When I asked her what she was doing, she said, "Watering your head so your hair grows back". I'm twenty-seven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 309

You deserved it 2 452

By quirrus - 07/05/2012 09:42 - United States

Today, while showering with my boyfriend, he asked if something was weird about his penis. Naturally, I looked closer. As soon as I did, he sprayed my face with urine. This is only the beginning; we just moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 095

You deserved it 9 833

It's a witch!

By umm... - 30/03/2020 23:00 - Australia - Canberra

Today, I caught my boyfriend in the bathtub interrogating his penis and "drowning" it when it wouldn't answer him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 822

You deserved it 348

By locksmack - 14/06/2009 12:46 - Australia

Today, I was peeing in the shower when my girlfriend suddenly pulled open the shower curtain in an attempt to scare me. Startled, I quickly spun around and peed all over her dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 896

You deserved it 58 063

By bootyislife - 03/02/2015 04:36 - United States - Seattle

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to give me a naked massage. She straddled my back and started rubbing, then she sneezed and peed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 259

You deserved it 4 987

Handy

By Anonymous - 06/03/2011 18:15 - Sweden

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 901

You deserved it 11 994

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 09:53 - France

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 285

You deserved it 29 243

By Anonymous - 12/03/2012 04:16 - United States

Today, I was shaving naked in my cold bathroom before showering. My wife walked up behind me, yelled "Shrinkage!" and flicked the head of my penis as hard as she could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 053

You deserved it 4 684

Milking it

By mperrotta913 - 21/05/2010 15:46 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying, "Milk the penis… Miiiiilk the penis…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 153

You deserved it 14 889

Unwarranted

By Ryan - 20/12/2011 17:57 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I'd dated girls with smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 685

You deserved it 60 137

stevenmx86 7

Sunday 29 May 2011 19:01

Lol use miracle grow

crymore007 11

Sunday 29 May 2011 19:02

do you shave? she mightve thought it was a chia pet

Comments

zembof 3

Sunday 29 May 2011 19:19

there is no fml here I think that's kinda hot and it's adorable

Nades 0

Sunday 29 May 2011 19:20

you have a small penis and a gf? hardly an fml, if anything she has a wicked sense of humor and your lacking humor and size...

holymolybro 0

Sunday 29 May 2011 19:21

I think she may be hinting towards something, sir. Use your brain.

aardvarkish 15

Sunday 29 May 2011 19:25

lost cause

shutupYDI 4

Sunday 29 May 2011 19:27

are you telling us that doesnt work that way?

JenL_fml 7

Sunday 29 May 2011 19:29

Talking to it helps it grow too.

meredithxjane 0

Sunday 29 May 2011 19:29

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

JackWood 20

Monday 11 November 2019 6:35

You should have said it's like M&M's, grows in you mouth, not in your hand.

JackFaire 27

Monday 11 November 2019 6:46

I feel like her FML should read, "Today I realized my boyfriend doesn't know what an erection is FML" I mean seriously when you get hard your dick grows or did you not know that?

Sinshine 28

Monday 11 November 2019 9:22

I just wanted to say "Did it work?" and move on but why is this FML from November 11th flooded with comments from May? o.o

Ashamed_Sister 60

Monday 11 November 2019 17:54

Because it's from May 2011 and due to unknown reasons it appeared again more than 8 years later.

Sinshine 28

Monday 11 November 2019 17:59

Oh wow 2011. I didn't even see that in the app haha. This is weird but hilarious.

SadiyaRabia 8

Monday 11 November 2019 11:03

Dude, did you seriously ask her “What are you doing?” Little advice: Next time your girlfriend plays “Shower Your Love” with your penis, don’t ask any questions, alright, just enjoy the moment.