Intimacy: The pleasure, the pain

The pleasure, the pain

By BadBribe - 24/06/2009 19:15 - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me a blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 180

You deserved it 30 206

Back to school: Courses and confusion
When the campus comes back to life, anecdotes abound between the lecture halls and student parties! More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 30/12/2015 15:21 - Canada - Aurora

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 156

You deserved it 5 562

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 09:53 - France

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 282

You deserved it 29 240

Miscommunication

By Anonymous - 25/10/2012 05:45 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 700

You deserved it 18 567

Nice outing

By Anonymous - 07/12/2019 05:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 405

You deserved it 755

Hidden

By bootyislife - 16/06/2015 20:01 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 673

You deserved it 7 395

By Anonymous - 28/07/2015 00:08 - United States

Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 223

You deserved it 2 955

By man - 30/10/2009 16:34 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 123

You deserved it 23 503

It's getting hot in here…

By Anonymous - 17/06/2022 16:00 - New Zealand

Today, my wife surprised me with a blow job. Turns out it was a punishment for not doing the washing, as she did it with Chilli powder in her mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 230

You deserved it 347

By shmarf - 20/06/2015 06:00 - United States - Belton

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 862

You deserved it 19 641

Gotcha

By Embarassed - 23/11/2012 06:14 - United States - Kent

Today, my girlfriend dared me to put on her bra and panties and give her a lap dance. Feeling spontaneous, I decided to do it. Just as I was getting really into it, she told me I was on webcam for all her friends. Apparently it was a contest of who had their boyfriend the most whipped. She won. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 881

You deserved it 15 994

genius_man16 0

Wednesday 24 June 2009 23:01

She was the one who wanted to bribe you. WTF is her problem?

pat2rome 0

Wednesday 24 June 2009 23:08

Her fault for not swallowing. FYL

Comments

thisishilarious 0

Thursday 25 June 2009 6:35

her fault, give her this policy: swallow or it goes in your eye

waterynuggets 0

Thursday 25 June 2009 6:38

I didn't know Bill Clinton submitted to FML!

ohhhhshizzz 0

Thursday 25 June 2009 6:47

Girls taste better than guys. It's an expierment my friend did, she went down on 5 different guys and 5 different girls and girls tasted better. Guys taste disgusting, get a better diet or swallow your own cum and then be able to keep a straight face.

Bloodrush 0

Thursday 25 June 2009 7:34

your friend is a dirty filthy *****....

jnic 0

Thursday 25 June 2009 9:53

ha. this is so ******* true. when a guy wants a girl to swallow a huge load of cum happily but then he complains about licking a clit with a thin layer of wetness, he needs to be kicked in the balls.

Caddy23 0

Thursday 25 June 2009 6:57

Thats pretty rough. I wouldn't hit my man in the balls for that. She needs to practice her catching skills lol

fakkumairaifu 14

Thursday 25 June 2009 7:07

Jesus, how old are you two?

MrLMAO 0

Thursday 25 June 2009 7:34

@#141, i'm pretty sure your friend contracted some kind of disease by doing that =.=......

WhiteDelight 4

Thursday 25 June 2009 8:08

well, i wonder if her parent's liked her new white dress? :P

doof_fisch 2

Thursday 25 June 2009 8:12

If she's fat, you can suggest she keep her dress for Halloween and dress up as a sperm whale.

laurisshnazzy 0

Thursday 25 June 2009 8:30

Hmm. I'm torn. On one hand, if you need to be bribed to behave for her parents, you're a sick **** and deserved a hit in the nuts more than a *******. However, your girlfriend is clearly an idiot. While performing oral sex on a dude, it's highly likely that she has her hands on your shaft and can direct its movement, thus avoiding aiming at her dress. And she shouldn't have worn something that nice anyway while doing that. And she should have swallowed... that's coming from a chick, too. I just don't see the big deal about swallowing or not swallowing. You both deserve it.