Birds and Money: The turkeys fight back - FML

The turkeys fight back

By Anonymous - 12/04/2015 18:29 - United States - South Burlington

Today, I found out that turkeys can fly. I also found out how much a new windshield costs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 148

You deserved it 2 948

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Same thing different taste

Clever

By FMLTIMESTWO - 10/06/2009 04:36 - United States

Today, I found a dead bird on my windshield. Thinking I was clever, I turned on my windshield wipers to get the bird off. Unfortunately, the dead bird fell through my open window and onto my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 558

You deserved it 61 972

By andrea99 - 03/10/2010 09:35 - United States

Today, I spent an hour and a half washing my car. As I was driving down the highway, a large bird flew over my car and accidentally dropped the dead animal he was about to have for dinner. It landed on my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 663

You deserved it 3 416

By ferrarismyname - 09/04/2009 06:40 - United States

Today, I was sitting shotgun in the car. A huge bug came inside, and everyone began to freak out so naturally I began to swat at it. I got the fly, but I also cracked the windshield. I paid $229 to kill a bug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 565

You deserved it 23 514

By me. - 14/03/2012 15:19 - United States

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to drive my car through a flock of vultures eating road kill. Since a bird hit the mirror and broke it, I now have to pay for a replacement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 159

You deserved it 3 858

Act of god

By Anonymous - 05/04/2023 00:00

Today, I purchased a new car. On the drive home, gusts of wind blew up debris and pebbles and caused little chips in the paint and small chips on the windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 734

You deserved it 95

How did you manage that?

By Anonymous - 10/04/2009 14:35 - United States

Today, I was driving my car like any ordinary day. My dad had been harping on me about not checking the oil, so I finally checked it. Driving down the road my hood flew up and shattered my windshield. I forgot to latch my hood after checking the oil. $300 for a new windshield. The oil was fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 309

You deserved it 62 748

Look at that

By That escalated quickly - 24/06/2015 19:45 - United States - Ocean City

Today, while driving to Nashville, I saw a bunch of wild turkeys huddled together on the side of the road. I was excited to point them out to my boyfriend, until I realized that the "wild turkeys" were in fact vultures, and that they were eating a dead deer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 501

You deserved it 4 290

Irony at a base level

By danyelicindereli - 29/05/2009 03:41 - United States

Today, I was standing around looking out the window at work when it became really dark and windy and started to pour. I watched a shopping cart fly across the parking lot thinking how funny it'd be if it hit someone's car. It hit mine. I need a new headlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 254

You deserved it 48 187

By Anonymous - 11/04/2014 20:07 - Switzerland

Today, my father took me out for some driving lessons. Out of nowhere, a huge, apparently suicidal bird dove into the windshield, putting a crack in it. My father yelled at me as if it was my fault, and is demanding I pay for the repairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 138

You deserved it 3 849

By Lindsey Taul - 22/12/2017 22:00 - United States - Granite City

Today, while driving home from work, I heard a loud crash immediately followed by the sound of wind and shifting glass over my head. My sunroof exploded for no perceptible reason 5 days before Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 218

You deserved it 301

Next

Top comments

AndyPurdy 31

Monday 13 April 2015 0:09

what the actual ****

gintwinsmoore 20

Monday 13 April 2015 0:10

were u driving that fast or was the turkey moving that slow???

Comments

annika16 5

Monday 13 April 2015 5:29

Yes #2 turkeys can fly and 1+1=2

Speedy1979 13

Monday 13 April 2015 5:57

Loll!! Looks like you had a bad day

Delsanity 13

Monday 13 April 2015 6:19

Guess you having turkey for dinner then.

Hildy93 21

Monday 13 April 2015 6:39

Did the turkey shit on your windshield and it cracked it??

thatADHDdude 21

Monday 13 April 2015 6:41

Well, today, I went turkey hunting and didn't see a damn thing. FML

more4me 27

Monday 13 April 2015 12:17

Happy Thanksgiving to you! ;)

sunnyskys 25

Monday 13 April 2015 17:59

horn = turkey flirting system good to know... lol

sunnyskys 25

Monday 13 April 2015 18:07

Horn = turkey flirting. okay good to know. When you honk your horn, they jump on your car, "bitch slap" your window, and say pay me. lol sorry I felt like I had too.

McDerp 11

Monday 13 April 2015 18:47

How did you not know turkeys can fly?

sunnyskys 25

Monday 13 April 2015 19:36

I didnt

Matheo_fml 21

Monday 13 April 2015 21:31

I'm sorry OP, but WAHHHAHAHAHA!!!

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was giving a presentation in front of my class. Mid-speech, I felt a sudden urge to sneeze and tried to hold it in. Instead, I let out the most obnoxious, window-rattling sneeze imaginable, complete with a spray of snot, which landed on my notes. I think I traumatized my classmates for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 114

Today, my husband was eating me out when he suddenly lifted up my hips and started licking my asshole. I screamed for him to stop, since it was disgusting. I don't think I can ever have sex again. I can't believe I married someone who would do that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 228

The Top

Today, in a restaurant, staff asked me to fix my skirt because multiple customers complained my buttcrack was putting them off their food. I thought the waiter was using fake complaints to justify his rudeness, but when I got up to fix it fully, half the restaurant applauded me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 317

You deserved it 2 042

Today, I'm 25-years-old and I need to wear an adult diaper as I have lost my bladder control. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 981

You deserved it 148

Today, I had to present a program to my supervisors in University. Not being a native English speaker, I used my own invented abbreviations for parameters in the program. Apparently STD is not an appropriate abbreviation for "standard deviation." I can still hear them laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 837

You deserved it 8 120

Today, I decided to break up with my boyfriend of three months. I only wish I had known that his father had died just a few hours earlier that morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 565

You deserved it 852

Today, I brought a guy home for the first time in a while. Everything was going great, and we ended up breaking my bed. To clarify: we didn't have sex, we just broke my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 764

You deserved it 458

Today, I confronted my girlfriend after catching her cheating on me. After she finished crying, she had the brass balls to say she'd understand if I needed a couple of weeks to forgive her, and asked me for bus fare so she could go tell the other guy they could only be friends now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 325

You deserved it 3 792