Sex, Poopoo peepee and Intimacy: This is shit - FML

This is shit

By Anonymous - 03/01/2011 01:22 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I realised it takes me longer to take a dump than it does to have sex with my boyfriend. I also realised taking a dump is more satisfying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 809

You deserved it 6 580

Valentine's Day: Love and Maladresse
Discover romantic anecdotes with a touch of awkwardness - because nothing expresses love better than a little discomfort! More…

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Same thing different taste

By turdburger - 02/09/2009 05:56 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I noticed my wife makes more satisfied groans when she's taking a big dump than she does when we make love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 182

You deserved it 7 110

Quickie

By cantgetitupcantgetiton - 14/01/2010 01:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized that the amount of time it takes my boyfriend to get an erection takes longer than the actual sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 431

You deserved it 3 244

To each their own

By Anonymous - 08/10/2019 18:00 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, taking a piss still gives me more pleasure than masturbation or sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 736

You deserved it 294

By Anonymous - 16/09/2009 02:27 - United States

Today, I realized my job is so boring that I spend most of my time trying to take a dump than actually working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 625

You deserved it 6 752

By Username - 06/02/2011 00:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized I get more pleasure from a tampon than my boyfriend I have been having sex with for the past six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 032

You deserved it 7 253

By Helseac - 17/12/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, I noticed my husband makes better sex sounds on the toilet then he does with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 750

You deserved it 457

Today, on Dr. Phil…

By Anonymous - 23/09/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, I realized that masturbating to pictures of my girlfriend is better than having sex with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 925

You deserved it 478

First time

By Anonymous - 13/03/2021 23:30 - United Kingdom - Gloucester

Spicy

Today, I had sex for the first time. I realised that I was more satisfied by last night's dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 171

You deserved it 261

Classic

By horriblegf - 26/02/2011 12:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized it feels better when I sneeze than when my boyfriend and I have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 660

You deserved it 5 959

By TheDumper - 21/06/2012 10:02 - United States - Chandler

Today, and for the last week, I've resorted to driving myself to the nearest corner store to take my daily dump. I'm doing this because I recently moved in with my boyfriend, and I'm afraid he'll be disgusted at how often I clog the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 209

You deserved it 30 098

Next

Top comments

suckmyassitsmell 0

Monday 3 January 2011 9:04

Someone is ready for anal!

suckmyassitsmell 0

Monday 3 January 2011 9:23

Too bad this is fake. Girls don't shit. The poop fairy comes and takes it directly from their lower digestive tracts with her magic wand.

Comments

ilaveyou 0

Monday 3 January 2011 9:42

hahah ew

kaylareed 0

Monday 3 January 2011 9:51

exactly what I was thinking #10 :) someone gets it!

ltsmark 0

Monday 3 January 2011 9:52

Shit happens.

emodude44 0

Monday 3 January 2011 10:04

Time for something to go IN your ass since you like it when things come out of it.

lonelyboy412 0

Monday 3 January 2011 10:13

At least you get satisfied with something. It could be worse.

gumzy 6

Monday 3 January 2011 10:17

How can taking a shit be satisfying? To me it hurts because I have to squeeze the shit right outta my ass? Also I suggest having a secret ***** sex life.

zenti 2

Monday 3 January 2011 10:21

It hurts? You may want to get that checked out.

gumzy 6

Monday 3 January 2011 10:25

Nooo. Not like that. you know that feeling of squeezing a massive amount of pooh from your butt? That's what I mean.

zenti 2

Monday 3 January 2011 18:17

Oh, gotcha. Just thinking about that makes my butt hurt.

Luky13 0

Tuesday 4 January 2011 4:38

uh... dood? the "massive amount of pooh" youre spewing right now is NOT coming from your ass.

Nick_1993 2

Monday 3 January 2011 10:32

it's sick when girls say dump...

Ceddyced18 0

Monday 3 January 2011 10:34

Yeah anal

DropDead77 11

Monday 3 January 2011 10:46

lameeeee, where did you take the dump to? :P

treesdevin 0

Monday 3 January 2011 11:01

ahahaa!

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The Top

Today, I saw my ex, who had dumped me for not being “ambitious” enough. I'd said she was just a gold digger and would die alone. She looked amazing at the fanciest, most expensive restaurant in town, and was celebrating being made partner at her law firm. I was bussing tables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 698

Today, I was on a blind date with a girl my friend set me up with. We went to a fancy restaurant and she ordered the shrimp. I told her, "I'm allergic to shrimp, so you shouldn't order it in case I want to kiss you later." She looked at the waiter and said, "I'll have the shrimp." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 420

You deserved it 36 034

The Top

Today, I tried playing chess with my wife sober, and remembered why we only play while I'm trashed drunk. She's so bad, I have to be on the precipice of alcohol poisoning to even enjoy playing with her. Otherwise, it's like playing a 2 year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 283

You deserved it 1 039

Today, I was taking the SAT and feeling really confident in my answers. When we were close to finishing, some idiot pulled the fire alarm. All of us have to retake it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 659

You deserved it 225

Today, I daringly tried that fish-bath thing, where all these fish come and eat all of your skin's dead cells. I got into it, and after 15 minutes of being a human buffet, at least 20 of the fish died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 531

You deserved it 6 723

Today, I smelled gas when entering my apartment. I checked everything and then left to seek help. I was told to call 911, which resulted in two firetrucks and 10+ firefighters, one of which was my high school sweetheart, entering my messy apartment and finding nothing wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 895

You deserved it 658

Today, I had to explain to a hospital social worker that my young son is not abused, he is just rowdy and that he knocked himself unconscious and shattered 4 teeth in a bizarre stunt involving a tree, my ironing board, a mop bucket and lots of duct tape. I'm not sure the hospital believes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 030

You deserved it 164

Today, I'm so broke after my recent divorce that I stole toilet paper from my church. I'm the pastor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 987

You deserved it 361