Intimacy: Today, I noticed my wife makes more satisfied groans when she's...

By turdburger - 02/09/2009 05:56 - Australia

Today, I noticed my wife makes more satisfied groans when she's taking a big dump than she does when we make love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 178

You deserved it 7 106

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Helseac - 17/12/2018 03:00

Today, I noticed my husband makes better sex sounds on the toilet then he does with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 747

You deserved it 456

This is shit

By Anonymous - 03/01/2011 01:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised it takes me longer to take a dump than it does to have sex with my boyfriend. I also realised taking a dump is more satisfying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 804

You deserved it 6 575

By poopydaddy - 03/05/2013 11:32 - Canada - Oakville

Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 870

You deserved it 5 659

It's not a competition, but still…

By Shooter71 - 16/10/2010 04:09 - France

Today, I discovered my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I've had in the last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 278

You deserved it 3 819

By anonymous - 17/04/2012 01:59 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I found out that I can get my girlfriend to make more sex noises by massaging her back than I can by actually having sex with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 925

You deserved it 7 475

By FUCK GOD - 03/02/2013 23:04 - Argentina - Salta

Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 124

You deserved it 4 859

Power moves

By Travis - 10/09/2021 22:59

Today, my wife told me that I take her breath away. However, she was talking about my large stomach hitting her while we have sex and knocking the wind out of her with every thrust. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 1 206

By Anonymous - 08/07/2012 05:18 - United States - Seattle

Today, my wife told me she'd rather bust up concrete than get it on with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 794

You deserved it 3 949

By Anonymous - 15/06/2014 19:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I have in our last year of marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 097

You deserved it 6 385

By noosher0990 - 18/02/2010 00:30

Today, I found out that my neighbor gets more pleasure out of me and my husband having it off then I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 950

You deserved it 2 772

dacho 7

Wednesday 2 September 2009 12:40

Try ******* her in the ass then.

Glam_fml 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 14:19

Sometimes taking a huge shit IS better than sex.

Comments

jeocon10 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 12:11

jeocon10 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 12:13

agree btw

eitsrik 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 19:45

can you not tie her bow or what? as egotistical as men are, it's very common that they don't get female partners there everytime...

CHRIS1920 0

Thursday 10 September 2009 15:52

his dick is too small wounder why.

22cute 17

Wednesday 13 July 2011 16:04

Why would anyone feel sorry for this man? He can't please his wife as well as shit.

AnthonyxD_fml 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 12:22

Guess you can't pleasure her fyl

10_4Franky 0

Tuesday 20 April 2010 14:25

Maybe she likes it up the ass. Ask her and you'll finnaly please her.

NamesIncognita 15

Sunday 22 November 2015 2:32

not all guys like ******* the hole where shit comes from.

dacho 7

Wednesday 2 September 2009 12:40

Try ******* her in the ass then.

youaresofucked 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 15:39

I agree. **** her arse instead.

Do0dl3 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 16:23

yes, she obviously wants anal

NamesIncognita 15

Sunday 22 November 2015 2:33

not all guys like ******* the hole where shit comes from yo...Its not for everyone alright?

Wankster 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 12:48

That sux for you. Fyl

i_is_a_tr00l 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 12:50

Thats shity. :o Pun intended.

themaintroll 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 13:11

YDI for studying the history of development of architecture

saunder 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 13:37

so **** her in the ass then :P

Glam_fml 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 14:19

Sometimes taking a huge shit IS better than sex.

blland 0

Wednesday 2 September 2009 14:27

do it the greek way.

mccaincracker 6

Wednesday 2 September 2009 14:40

Go on the blue pill. :D If you know what I mean...

Keywords

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The Top

Today, while driving home, I looked in the rear-view mirror and saw that my three-year-old daughter had managed to get out of her seat and had crawled to the back window. I pulled over and strapped her in again. Five minutes later she was back at the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 219

You deserved it 5 961

Today, I found one of those realistic, expensive sex dolls in my boyfriend's cupboard. I asked why on earth he had that and apparently it’s for all those filthy, violent sexual things he likes to do, but knows most women would never even agree to try. Um, WHAT? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 248

You deserved it 529

The Top

Today, I was chatting to a cashier I see quite a lot, trying to be as charming and as unsmarmy as possible. When she asked if I wanted the receipt, I panicked and said, "No thanks, I don’t believe in paper." She looked at me like I was an alien. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 444

Today, I lost the key to my bike lock. I ended up having to cut it off, even though it was brand new. After spending 30 minutes hacking away at it, it finally came off. When I hopped onto my bike, I felt something poking my leg. My key was in my pocket the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 833

You deserved it 20 927

Today, after I grounded my barely 18 year-old daughter for having sex with her boyfriend when I found a pack of condoms in her room while cleaning it, she responded by moving out and eloping with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 322

You deserved it 3 066

Today, I argued with my dog for ten minutes because she refused to go outside and pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 432

You deserved it 1 721

Today, I had emergency surgery to remove my fallopian tubes. I'm one of the 0.5% of people who get pregnant after having their tubes tied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 996

You deserved it 99

Today, I woke up in pajamas I have never seen before. Usually, I sleep naked, and I live alone in a locked apartment. Then, the elderly woman next door asked for her nightgown back. Apparently, I sleep-walked and knocked on all the doors in my hallway repeatedly. I'm moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 702

You deserved it 4 315

Same thing different taste

This is shit

It's not a competition, but still…

Power moves

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