Intimacy: Today, a hooker refused my custom. According to her, "Even whores... - FML

By Anonymous - 22/08/2011 19:35 - United States

Spicy

Today, a hooker refused my custom. According to her, "Even whores have standards." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 619

You deserved it 46 765

Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 06/04/2016 14:31 - United States - Iowa Park

Today, I got mugged by a fake hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 730

You deserved it 8 314

By anonymous - 11/06/2015 14:37 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my boyfriend and I were downtown when he pointed to a girl and said he wished I dressed more like she did. She was obviously a hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 899

You deserved it 2 652

We need a break

By pst - 21/11/2010 01:06 - South Africa

Spicy

Today, the hooker I have been seeing regularly for almost a year texted me to say she thinks we should no longer see each other again. I just got dumped by a hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 686

You deserved it 59 247

By Pugsley - 30/08/2019 14:02 - Australia

Spicy

Today, for my birthday, I found out I'm too ugly even for a hooker to have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 212

You deserved it 353

By Anonymous - 10/10/2014 21:51 - United States - Lemont

Spicy

Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 713

You deserved it 24 327

By Anonymous - 10/02/2015 14:51 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, a cute girl was telling me about her weird fetishes. I jokingly said, "Remind me never to have sex with you". She replied, "Don't worry, I have standards". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 494

You deserved it 20 913

Soliciting

By Xena - 25/08/2017 04:30

Today, I was at our hotel waiting for my husband to finish his shower so we could have our anniversary dinner, when hotel security forcefully removed me from the building because they do not allow "prostitutes" to look for clients on their property. They thought I was a hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 915

You deserved it 666

Sex work is real work

By Anonymous - 22/09/2019 00:01

Spicy

Today, I just found out my best friend is a hooker. I just thought she worked nights and had terrible taste in clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 852

You deserved it 500

By UnicornPancake - 25/04/2018 15:00

Today, I had to dress like a diva for a drama performance and my friend said I looked like a hooker. Then someone said, “If hookers looked like that, they wouldn't get any money." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 498

You deserved it 431

By Anonymous - 11/08/2011 17:58 - Vietnam

Today, I checked into a hotel because my boss had assigned me to a new position. As soon as the reception lady looked up, she had me kicked out of the hotel. Apparently, one of the regulations is, "No prostitutes allowed." I was wearing a business suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 829

You deserved it 4 361

Next

Top comments

hailphire130 0

Tuesday 23 August 2011 0:48

Give her some more money then. Bitches love money.

FMLollie 7

Tuesday 23 August 2011 3:26

The way this FML is written it's so formal can you imagine how he would go up to her! "Excuse me miss, I would like to purchase your services in sexual pleasure."

Comments

lilpowers 3

Friday 27 January 2012 7:04

Then go without a condom! Her loss if the bitch get preggers!

UmbreonKirby 14

Tuesday 5 November 2013 4:27

****** do in fact have standards. If you're that desperate, try a sock. I hear they don't care who uses them

slothstronaught 11

Sunday 8 May 2016 17:21

How do I stand on prostitution? I don't stand on it, I lay down on it! ;)

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Racism Love Money My ex Harassment Work Accident Embarrassing AITA Am I overreacting? Religion Relatable Health Gifts LGBTQIA+ Annoying Inappropriate Teachers Education Animals Dogs Relationship advice Cats Cute Transportation Cars Friends Scams

The Top

Stop everything you're doing right now, there's an (almost) naked lady in today's illustration! Plus, there's a puppet AND doctors. It's the perfect illustration, made by Gemma Correll, our British artist of the day. Check out her interview! ...

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Today, it's been two years since I got a Dobermann as a gift for my husband. For two years he has cried non-stop, constantly played with his privates, reeked of dead corpse, and used shit to mark the entire yard. He cries all night long. I haven’t slept in two years. I think I have sleep deprivation. My husband says he must stay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 135

You deserved it 440

The Top

Today, my friend told me she turned down a job as a babysitter because she didn't want to be secretly videotaped, as she knew the people had a nanny cam. I wasn't aware of this when I took that same job a few nights ago and asked my boyfriend to come by. We had sex on their couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 374

You deserved it 101 608

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He was about to make me come so I lifted my arm above my head with pleasure. I accidently punched him in the eye, hard enough that he had to stop for a while because he said he felt dizzy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 887

You deserved it 8 653

Today, I found out that since no other procedures are working, I was required to stop eating, and drink a bunch of foul tasting 'goo', which will in turn give me constant diarrhea. This will then prepare me nicely for the long tube with a camera on the end of which will be shoved up my rectum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 420

You deserved it 3 811

Today, I proudly gave my grandma a picture I had drawn for her. She didn't seem thrilled with it, and afterwards the rest of my family seemed upset. Nobody could fathom why I drew grandma a picture of a graveyard for her 85th birthday. It was suppose to be a bridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 965

You deserved it 6 891

Today, I called my boyfriend to let him know that I'm pregnant. He instantly replied "Bullshit!", then hung up and apparently skipped town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 840

You deserved it 6 953

Today, my mother-in-law confessed that for the longest time, she had fantasies about killing me for "ruining" her daughter's life, basically because I'm not wealthy enough for my mother-in-law's standards. She made sure to let me know the situation hasn't changed at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 623

You deserved it 3 943