Intimacy: Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the...

By Rob - 06/06/2012 16:02 - United States - Neoga

Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 750

You deserved it 42 635

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Same thing different taste

By omgdesdes - 16/11/2014 01:29 - United States - Casselberry

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he triumphantly flung the condom to the ceiling, only to have it come down and smack me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 714

You deserved it 6 019

Why would you stick that there?

By Co-B - 03/09/2009 20:59 - United States

Today, my girlfriend reached into my pocket to get my keys so she could get something out of my car. When she yanked them out, the condom that we'd just used flew up into the air and landed on the floor in front of her entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 880

You deserved it 61 058

Choking hazard

By notsexy - 09/05/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 091

You deserved it 83 406

Sexy time

By Anonymous - 30/07/2009 09:23 - United States

Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 512

You deserved it 59 433

By Andrew - 23/10/2012 19:12 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate, and I gave her a condom to put on me. She tried to open it with her teeth, but ripped it. That was my only condom. I'm now sitting here watching a soap opera with a boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 486

You deserved it 11 462

By jen - 16/01/2009 00:39 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a couple of friends and one of them tells a funny story about how he filled a condom with syrup and put it in his friend's mouth while he was asleep. Me with my big mouth starts to say, "Condoms taste na--" and stopped myself as everyone started laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 745

You deserved it 27 988

By Jake - 02/10/2012 11:52 - United States - Athens

Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 602

You deserved it 2 811

By Anonymous - 15/01/2011 10:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at my girlfriends house. After having sex, we went downstairs to where the rest of the family was. At this point I did not realise that I had a used condom stuck to my foot. The family did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 898

You deserved it 40 478

By sexisntfun - 30/03/2015 02:13 - United States

Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, with whom I am genuinely in love. Right after I'd got the condom on, she said, "You do know this is break-up sex, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 317

You deserved it 3 184

Work on your skills

By banana - 26/02/2009 03:01 - United States

Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 928

You deserved it 74 572

SkoomaKi 27

Wednesday 6 June 2012 22:23

So... you gave yourself a facial? Smooth.

Psycho_Babydoll 26

Wednesday 6 June 2012 22:22

Holding a used condom above your face can never end well. Wtf were you thinking.

Comments

boysgirl123 0

Thursday 7 June 2012 2:54

That's gay

melrose90210 10

Thursday 7 June 2012 3:07

Now you'll stop asking if you can give your girl that facial...

grtfuldeadlovr 27

Thursday 7 June 2012 3:15

Can we not call it a facial.....

sougstad 7

Thursday 7 June 2012 3:20

You got nutted on!!!

prplfrk22 2

Thursday 7 June 2012 3:31

Doesn't matter, had sex

Party_Penguin 0

Thursday 7 June 2012 3:31

If she's having sex with guys who play with used condoms, the thought of pregnancy is really scary. For all of us.

ice723 5

Thursday 7 June 2012 3:33

next time pour it into her mouth not.yours you moron

ChickInGreenVans 12

Thursday 7 June 2012 14:20

You are sick..

vbbanjo 6

Thursday 7 June 2012 3:46

yuck! just.. yuck!

happylappy 21

Thursday 7 June 2012 3:52

Actually laughed out loud at the beginning part =] hope all turns out well for you

drob1995 3

Thursday 7 June 2012 3:57

Why is my only question

Keywords

Awkward Embarrassing Miscellaneous Work Sleep Dating Love Am I overreacting? Annoying Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts Fight Cops Drugs Neighbours Medication Relatable Teenagers Dogs Animals Gamers Ironic Video games Job interview

The Top

Today, I finally got my paycheck from working at my minimum wage job for the last three months. I was delighted when I saw it was worth $846. On my way to cash it, I destroyed my car's suspension. It's going to cost almost $800 to fix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 981

You deserved it 6 718

Today, after two months of being broken up, and my ex still insisting she hadn't been cheating on me, I declared via text my intention to burn the rest of her stuff in the yard. This resulted in the guy she "hadn't been cheating on me with" kicking in my door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 516

You deserved it 389

The Top

Today, I had to yet again tell my mother-in-law that I wasn't going to name my unborn baby "Ermintrude" after her late mother. My husband told me to stop being difficult, and that he agrees that it would be nice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 377

You deserved it 2 576

Today, I did the "suck your finger" trick in the car to prevent my lipstick from getting on my teeth and halfway locked eyes with a random dude outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147

You deserved it 334

Today, a bunch of friends and I went skinny dipping in a pond. The guys all grabbed the ladies' underpants and waved then around. My bloody pad was inside of one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 885

You deserved it 15 400

Today, I was delivering pizza. When I went up to the front door, an elderly lady answered. She was wearing a floral dress that went down to her shins and had a Nicolas Cage mask on with eye holes cut out. When I glanced behind her, I saw her cats had them too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 50

Today, I had a anxiety attack about taking my anxiety medicine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 126

You deserved it 339

Today, my wife and I were out with another couple we're friends with. When we went back to their house we looked at old pictures. They showed us a great picture, and I said "It would've been a lot better if that fat chick didn't ruin it in the background." It was the woman from the couple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 674

You deserved it 64 652