Intimacy: Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful...

By Hallllo - 11/05/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100 303

You deserved it 9 101

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 19/12/2009 05:13 - United States

Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 876

You deserved it 11 718

By scatter00x - 08/02/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 094

You deserved it 7 095

By heartbroke - 03/11/2012 10:02 - United States - Erie

Today, my girlfriend did the walk of shame in a skimpy Halloween costume after a night of drunken sex. Problem? The walk ended at my doorstep, and the sex was with a stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 581

You deserved it 3 485

By Jebus - 24/01/2009 16:07 - Canada

Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 117

You deserved it 34 790

Mixed signals

By Anonymous - 13/07/2020 20:02

Today, I had the girl of my dreams in my bed. She was laughing and smiling, kissing and talking. It was great. Then suddenly she said, "I want to go home; is that rude?" Then she left. I called, but now I'm blocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 633

You deserved it 309

Ostentatious

By dgordo3 - 09/02/2009 01:01 - United States

Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 433

You deserved it 46 505

By depressed - 22/02/2010 07:23 - United States

Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 823

You deserved it 26 498

By Clader - 10/12/2008 03:09 - France

Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 621

You deserved it 2 890

By jibberish - 22/11/2009 00:15 - United States

Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 693

You deserved it 39 006

By sister sister - 25/11/2013 17:38 - United States - Rhinebeck

Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 879

You deserved it 19 343

Luckster 0

Monday 11 May 2009 12:12

Sounds like another retarded Twilight fan. Find someone who doesn't dwell on the fantasy world.

Millybug 0

Monday 11 May 2009 12:14

And Twilight screws over another poor guy. Ok-- I am a Twilight fan, they are wretchedly cheesy teen romance novels, but still I am a fan. On that note; Twilighters, those stupid, obsessive, moronic little fangirls who want every guy to be like Edward should be shot in the face. Sorry dude, that really blows.

Comments

biancagolden 0

Monday 11 May 2009 12:26

#19: I've read three of them because my friend was trying to convert me. Didn't work. So make like Edward and bite me.

zee209 0

Monday 11 May 2009 12:27

#19, actually, I read the entire series to see how it was, and I hated it. It was horrible. So don't stereotype ME either. And if you said you'd love Edward Cullen to appear on your doorstep, then obviously YOU'RE pathetic. He's obsessive, border line abusive, and crazy. And I also said I have a friend who reads the series and isn't crazy. From my experiance, most Twilight fans I've met are crazy fangirls. So maybe before you should judge others, you should take a look at yourself.

SCENERICEFARMER 0

Monday 11 May 2009 12:27

Die in a fire Stephenie Meyer!

Luckster 0

Monday 11 May 2009 12:27

#19, oi! Dun be calling me out! I'm an epic nerd/fan of sorts too on many things! It's just MOST Twilight fans are like this! And I never said "All". I just said it's another retarded one. Geez.

hilaryy_fml 0

Monday 11 May 2009 12:28

i read it and aparantly edwards a 100 guy who breaks into her house at night to watch her sleep. He also wants to kill her. Other hobbies of his include following girls into town when they go shopping. And this is what ladies these days like in a man. A peverted pedofile.

rayray_fml 0

Monday 11 May 2009 12:29

#19, Twilight is crap. Absolute crap. Anyone with a brain (that hasn't be dissolved due to reading Twilight) can tell you that. You want a good, popular fantasy novel? Harry Potter is your best bet, and at least J.K. Rowling can write. Anyway, this sucks, but at least you're not stuck with a Twitard.

dacho 7

Monday 11 May 2009 12:30

In the whole movie Bella looks like she's about to have an o**asm ^_^

24788 6

Monday 11 May 2009 12:30

#25 - I knew I was doing something wrong. I'm so glad I didn't go to see Twilight. I made my best friend go alone with his girlfriend and her friends. He still tells me how much he hated the movie.

TheCrow471 0

Monday 11 May 2009 12:35

DAMN YOU, TWILIGHT! *raises fist in the air*

skruff 0

Monday 11 May 2009 12:37

#19, STFU. Seriously. All I hear about is Twilight these days and you know what? I read the first three books, and they ******* sucked. The writing was that of a Ninth Grader's. It was written poorly and ruined the name of 'vampire'. Edward Cullen is an abusive bastard, and any girl that wishes him to show up at their door is a pathetic twat. I watched the movie too, and IT sucked as well! Robert Pattinson said he REGRETS doing the movie because of the stupid ******* fangirls that run up to him and ask him to bite them. You hear me? HE REGRETS IT. No one said that all Twilight fans are retarded/pathetic, except for you. Read a DECENT book and maybe YOU'LL realize that Twilight is a horribly written, teen angst romance novel that reads like a fanfiction. Read the Anita Blake Series, or even The Vampire Lestat Series. Hell! Read Sunshine! All of them are series/books that are thousands upon thousands times better than stupid freaking Twilight. Stop being a Twitard, #19.