Intimacy: Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful...

By Hallllo - 11/05/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100 303

You deserved it 9 101

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 19/12/2009 05:13 - United States

Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 876

You deserved it 11 718

By scatter00x - 08/02/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 094

You deserved it 7 095

By heartbroke - 03/11/2012 10:02 - United States - Erie

Today, my girlfriend did the walk of shame in a skimpy Halloween costume after a night of drunken sex. Problem? The walk ended at my doorstep, and the sex was with a stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 581

You deserved it 3 485

By Jebus - 24/01/2009 16:07 - Canada

Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 117

You deserved it 34 789

Mixed signals

By Anonymous - 13/07/2020 20:02

Today, I had the girl of my dreams in my bed. She was laughing and smiling, kissing and talking. It was great. Then suddenly she said, "I want to go home; is that rude?" Then she left. I called, but now I'm blocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 633

You deserved it 309

Ostentatious

By dgordo3 - 09/02/2009 01:01 - United States

Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 425

You deserved it 46 478

By depressed - 22/02/2010 07:23 - United States

Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 823

You deserved it 26 497

By Clader - 10/12/2008 03:09 - France

Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 620

You deserved it 2 889

By jibberish - 22/11/2009 00:15 - United States

Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 693

You deserved it 39 006

By sister sister - 25/11/2013 17:38 - United States - Rhinebeck

Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 878

You deserved it 19 342

Luckster 0

Monday 11 May 2009 12:12

Sounds like another retarded Twilight fan. Find someone who doesn't dwell on the fantasy world.

Millybug 0

Monday 11 May 2009 12:14

And Twilight screws over another poor guy. Ok-- I am a Twilight fan, they are wretchedly cheesy teen romance novels, but still I am a fan. On that note; Twilighters, those stupid, obsessive, moronic little fangirls who want every guy to be like Edward should be shot in the face. Sorry dude, that really blows.

Comments

Malexhe 0

Monday 11 May 2009 14:09

#60- Its always good to give some thing a chance before you criticize it. :]

iam_fuck_life 0

Monday 11 May 2009 14:13

damn you stephanie meyer.

ArtsySwag 0

Monday 11 May 2009 14:14

#61- Oh yeah, I understand that, but... it's not just one chapter or only one book... it's multiple books. What makes you think there would be much variation between them? That I don't get lol.

LostHope 0

Monday 11 May 2009 14:17

What is wrong with this " i hope you were a vampire" thing!!! Don't they live in real life!!! Cmon now! I am a girl but i would never want my bf to be a fiction character. She doesn't deserve you seriously. You can find someone more serious, someone who doesn't want a vampire bf.

Jojul 0

Monday 11 May 2009 14:19

Well.. Perhaps that's just an invitation for you to start biting her neck. ;)

Jasmlim 0

Sunday 21 June 2009 10:06

lol

LizzysOwner 17

Monday 11 May 2009 14:22

Wow, so reading this I didn't think of Twilight (and I've read the whole saga). I can't believe everyone doesn't realize how many other references to vampires there are in literature and on television. Let's start with Dracula, I'm fairly certain EVERYONE has heard of him. Then if you go into the teen section of a book store you have two books by Amelia Atwater-Rhodes: In the Forests of the Night and Demon in My View. Then you have "The Silver Kiss" and "Look for Me By Moonlight." And on Friday there was just an episode on "Ghost Whisperer" about a ghost that made the girl he was haunting believe that he was a vampire. Girls like the idea of eternal love, never having to be alone. Why can't people understand that?

dirtyhippie 0

Monday 11 May 2009 14:27

#19 I am a vamp fanatic so I have read all the books and can say without doubt and Twilight is absolute shit. It reads like fanfic 'gap fillers' for the last season of Buffy when she was getting it on with Spike. Infact I am not convinced that it isn't. Only thing Edward 'I was in Harry Potter' Cullen has in common with a real vampire is that he sucks! OP that is bad for you but you are better off without her. She will end up with some creepy stalker in body glitter who leaves her beaten up after sex and controls everything she does to 'protect' her.

karlaabbyx3 0

Monday 11 May 2009 14:32

lol, well..... SUCKS FOR YOU !

elara15 0

Monday 11 May 2009 14:34

#66, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt that the girl in question might've been a vampire fetishist and not a Twilight freak, but you're an idiot.

RIKANA 0

Monday 11 May 2009 14:35

Ok, do your self a favor and dump her fast. 2nd, has anyone actualy given it some thought that other people do read these and like to post simmerila fmls just just to get a rise out of you? And yet you guys still thing that some of these are real. This is anothere reasion why I joined this site. RI