Intimacy: Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful...

By Hallllo - 11/05/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100 303

You deserved it 9 101

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 19/12/2009 05:13 - United States

Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 876

You deserved it 11 718

By scatter00x - 08/02/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 094

You deserved it 7 095

By heartbroke - 03/11/2012 10:02 - United States - Erie

Today, my girlfriend did the walk of shame in a skimpy Halloween costume after a night of drunken sex. Problem? The walk ended at my doorstep, and the sex was with a stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 581

You deserved it 3 485

By Jebus - 24/01/2009 16:07 - Canada

Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 117

You deserved it 34 789

Mixed signals

By Anonymous - 13/07/2020 20:02

Today, I had the girl of my dreams in my bed. She was laughing and smiling, kissing and talking. It was great. Then suddenly she said, "I want to go home; is that rude?" Then she left. I called, but now I'm blocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 633

You deserved it 309

Ostentatious

By dgordo3 - 09/02/2009 01:01 - United States

Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 425

You deserved it 46 478

By depressed - 22/02/2010 07:23 - United States

Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 823

You deserved it 26 497

By Clader - 10/12/2008 03:09 - France

Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 620

You deserved it 2 889

By jibberish - 22/11/2009 00:15 - United States

Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 693

You deserved it 39 006

By sister sister - 25/11/2013 17:38 - United States - Rhinebeck

Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 878

You deserved it 19 342

Luckster 0

Monday 11 May 2009 12:12

Sounds like another retarded Twilight fan. Find someone who doesn't dwell on the fantasy world.

Millybug 0

Monday 11 May 2009 12:14

And Twilight screws over another poor guy. Ok-- I am a Twilight fan, they are wretchedly cheesy teen romance novels, but still I am a fan. On that note; Twilighters, those stupid, obsessive, moronic little fangirls who want every guy to be like Edward should be shot in the face. Sorry dude, that really blows.

Comments

modofosho 0

Monday 11 May 2009 14:37

i woulda sucked the shit outta that bitch

DankJemo 0

Monday 11 May 2009 14:38

I am going to say this one time... and one time only. That bitch was crazy, and you are better off. She isn't even going to find a vampire man, because they don't exist. "I wish you were a vampire." you're response should have been something like "I wish you were able to separate reality from fantasy... damned wing nut."

AJComix 0

Monday 11 May 2009 14:39

What the hell is up with all these Twilight FMLs? I know people are noting everything from Bram Stroker's Dracula, to Castlevania as being a probable cause, but I strongly disagree. How often are there primarily "romantic" (stalking) centered vampire fictions? Not too often. And for good reason. Also... this... is... not... good... writing...

purple5 0

Monday 11 May 2009 14:42

Wow, that girl needs to learn the difference between reality and fiction. That's all I have to say.

oomlot 0

Monday 11 May 2009 14:50

Twilight has truly destroyed society

Motorbreath 0

Monday 11 May 2009 14:55

OMFG it's ******' Twilight! **** yes for vampires and dumb and horny 14 year old girls. FOL for **** Our Lives 'cause Twilight got published.

Blithe_626 0

Monday 11 May 2009 14:57

twilight is alrite but yea, some ppl are just too obessed with twilight. Its just a fukin book jeeez and twilight isnt gonna go away for a while becuz theres still the movies lol so gud luck to all of u and hope tht none of us meet some insanely hot BUT obessed twilight freak haha

sublime93 0

Monday 11 May 2009 15:00

This is hilarious But she's a waste of time sos that book

imajinethat 0

Monday 11 May 2009 15:01

I'm with #26.

storee01 0

Monday 11 May 2009 15:02

I've read all of the Twilight books and they were the most poorly written books I've ever read. The only reason I kept reading was because they have something addictive about them. But that didn't make up for the poor writing style, the insipid plot lines and the fact that the whole time you were reading them you were thinking 'so this is what it's like being inside a repressed and obsessive Mormon woman's head'. Today, I read all of the Stephanie Meyer Twilight books. I wasted fourteen hours of my life. I can't get them back. FML