Intimacy: Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful...

By Hallllo - 11/05/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100 303

You deserved it 9 101

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 19/12/2009 05:13 - United States

Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 876

You deserved it 11 718

By scatter00x - 08/02/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 094

You deserved it 7 095

By heartbroke - 03/11/2012 10:02 - United States - Erie

Today, my girlfriend did the walk of shame in a skimpy Halloween costume after a night of drunken sex. Problem? The walk ended at my doorstep, and the sex was with a stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 581

You deserved it 3 485

By Jebus - 24/01/2009 16:07 - Canada

Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 117

You deserved it 34 789

Mixed signals

By Anonymous - 13/07/2020 20:02

Today, I had the girl of my dreams in my bed. She was laughing and smiling, kissing and talking. It was great. Then suddenly she said, "I want to go home; is that rude?" Then she left. I called, but now I'm blocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 633

You deserved it 309

Ostentatious

By dgordo3 - 09/02/2009 01:01 - United States

Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 425

You deserved it 46 478

By depressed - 22/02/2010 07:23 - United States

Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 823

You deserved it 26 497

By Clader - 10/12/2008 03:09 - France

Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 620

You deserved it 2 889

By jibberish - 22/11/2009 00:15 - United States

Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 693

You deserved it 39 006

By sister sister - 25/11/2013 17:38 - United States - Rhinebeck

Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 878

You deserved it 19 342

Luckster 0

Monday 11 May 2009 12:12

Sounds like another retarded Twilight fan. Find someone who doesn't dwell on the fantasy world.

Millybug 0

Monday 11 May 2009 12:14

And Twilight screws over another poor guy. Ok-- I am a Twilight fan, they are wretchedly cheesy teen romance novels, but still I am a fan. On that note; Twilighters, those stupid, obsessive, moronic little fangirls who want every guy to be like Edward should be shot in the face. Sorry dude, that really blows.

Comments

EpicBoobs 0

Monday 11 May 2009 13:27

Hehe, you like crazy people.

mylifeissweet12 0

Monday 11 May 2009 13:29

twilight ****-block ftw I read it, not sure how i got through it and true blood= real vampires

mayhembaby 0

Monday 11 May 2009 13:32

ps. #19, you are an idiot and a queer. those books are the most awful, cheesy, poorly written bullshit i've ever had the misfortune to read. they suck. and everyone with half a brain knows this. also i want to shoot stephanie meyer in the face before she unleashes anything else as catastrophic as twilight.

Jimboom 11

Monday 11 May 2009 13:35

Yes, True blood is a much better representation of vampires. But I only watch that show because of Anna Paquin and her lovely little boobies as seen at the start of season 2. ;-)

GunShark 0

Monday 11 May 2009 13:38

rejected!! sorry that really sucks I have been rejected a lot, but never has someone said that they wish I was a vampire

thellamanator 0

Monday 11 May 2009 13:44

dont worry about it, if she wished you were a vampire shes obviously some kind of freak anyway... twilight

jieunnie 0

Monday 11 May 2009 13:48

You OBVIOUSLY forgot to mention that you sparkle and like to watch her sleep while listening to the voices in your head. Duuuh.

RinaRapture 0

Monday 11 May 2009 14:00

*sigh* Girl has some effed-up expectations. And, to all screaming fangirls (even though I am one, I admit) EDWARD IS AN OBSESSIVE, CONTROLLING CREEP. HE WORRIES TOO BLOODY MUCH AND ACTS LIKE HE OWNS BELLA. BELLA IS STUPID FOR LIKING BEING TREATED LIKE PERSONAL PROPERTY. That book could have been good. It just terribly effeminized vampires. -_-

foreverisabelx3 0

Monday 11 May 2009 14:06

smh... a Twilight fan...

ArtsySwag 0

Monday 11 May 2009 14:06

I actually love the Twilight books :). I even got my friends into loving the books as well. They're very addicting. I am, however, able to distinguish fantasy from reality and know that neither Edward nor vampires exist. And besides? Who needs an Edward Cullen when you can have Jacob Black?? LOL! But seriously... the books aren't bad. Why have several of you read MULTIPLE books but complain about how poorly written it was or how bad it sucked? Idk maybe it's just me... but if a book was THAT bad, I wouldn't waste time reading it... it's sorta common sense.