Intimacy: Today, at about 1 a.m. I got a drunk text from my girlfriend...

By desocrates - 20/06/2009 22:54 - United States

Today, at about 1 a.m. I got a drunk text from my girlfriend thanking me for the amazing sex last night. I have been out of town for 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 685

You deserved it 4 070

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Same thing different taste

By Clader - 10/12/2008 03:09 - France

Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 622

You deserved it 2 890

By screewit - 20/02/2009 23:42 - United States

Today, I called my girlfriend and she answered telling me how amazing the sex was last night and she can't wait to see me later. I didn't see her last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101 767

You deserved it 4 971

By TheOtherWoman - 20/07/2009 07:10 - United States

Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 032

You deserved it 12 794

Explain yourself

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I received a text message from my wife, who had gone out for the evening with some girlfriends, saying, "I have to take a friend home, she's drunk! I'll be staying at his place. Call you in the morning." Umm… His? FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 232

You deserved it 4 591

By Anonymous - 15/05/2013 20:21 - United States

Today, I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 676

You deserved it 4 572

By Aus - 26/04/2012 14:43 - United States

Today, I received a text from the guy I'm into, thanking me for helping him drunkenly stumble back to his apartment last night. He ended it with, "How long did you stay?" Apparently, he doesn't remember confessing his secret love for me, or the fantastic kiss that followed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 014

You deserved it 4 215

By feelthelove - 02/11/2009 18:08 - United States

Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find a very gorgeous girl in my bed. Her only words to me were "did anything happen?" When I replied yes she began to cry. Nice to know I was someone's rock bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 611

You deserved it 5 615

By sober - 12/02/2009 02:09 - United States

Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 392

You deserved it 4 328

By Anonymous - 03/06/2013 20:55 - France - M?rignac

Today, my girlfriend woke me at 5am, just to say how great it was that I could still sleep two more hours before leaving for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 368

You deserved it 5 597

By Chester (Seattle) - 09/09/2010 02:15 - United States

Today, I got circumcised. After the surgery, my girlfriend got drunk and texted all of her friends about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 952

You deserved it 5 821

SweetieLish 0

Sunday 21 June 2009 2:02

Forward the text to her when she's sober...I bet she'll be regretting THAT text message!

plexico 3

Sunday 21 June 2009 2:03

You must have a very long penis. Congratulations.

Comments

Cerataphora 0

Sunday 21 June 2009 2:11

So glad my girl doesn't drink

paperfox_fml 0

Sunday 21 June 2009 2:20

Yes, because all girls who drink automatically cheat on their boyfriends, and all girls who don't drink automatically remain faithful forever.

allmidnighteyes 10

Sunday 21 June 2009 3:27

What you want, Natalie? TO DRINK AND FIGHT!! What you need, Natalie? TO **** ALL NIGHT!! Natalie Portman/The Lonely Island FTW

wordly 0

Sunday 21 June 2009 3:53

Of course! So if she doesn't drink, she'll never accidentally tell you she's been cheating on you and you'll never know! Problem solved!

Jaguaress 2

Sunday 21 June 2009 2:15

That should now be EX-girlfriend.

thebigslim 13

Sunday 21 June 2009 2:21

Funny how people tend to tell the truth about virtually everything when they are drunk. Sorry to hear that happened to you.

CodeMonkey123 0

Sunday 21 June 2009 2:23

That's so ****** up man, I would personaly dump her and key her car then light her house on fire. >:D

fourwheelsoffury 0

Sunday 21 June 2009 4:25

Then shoot her on the way out. lol

naja_12168 3

Sunday 21 June 2009 5:49

you guys made me laugh!

CyclonePsycho 1

Monday 22 June 2009 5:18

*whiny voice* Now that's just excessive! D: /reference no one is going to get

1personinthiswor 0

Wednesday 29 September 2010 5:12

113 - haha, you're right, no one got it.

TNEBlover 0

Sunday 21 June 2009 2:24

she's a keeper!

BAbyR 0

Sunday 21 June 2009 2:27

and then you say your welcome

MelanieBerrigan 0

Sunday 21 June 2009 2:43

Aw, fyl.

sugarcakebomb 0

Sunday 21 June 2009 2:46

wow FYL, dump her **** ass.

LeoBrZ81 0

Sunday 21 June 2009 2:48

maybe she was so drunk that she thought it was last night when it was really 3 nights ago? Either that, or I just gave her a possible excuse..

RJB 0

Sunday 21 June 2009 2:51

she cood have been helping herself last night? if you get what i mean... ;-)

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I agree, your life sucks 74 486

You deserved it 38 931

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You deserved it 192

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 1 359

You deserved it 120

Today, in art class, everybody was showing the paintings that we have been working on for weeks. Everyone was cheering and clapping. When mine came up, nobody clapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 033

You deserved it 4 705

Today, after my son's new friend spent the night, I commented on how his hair had such a straight line in it from one ear to the other. I joked about how he must have fallen asleep with headphones on, or had bad hat hair. He informed me it was a scar from brain surgery he had when he was younger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 275

You deserved it 59 915

Today, I walked in on my mom taking nude pictures of herself in the kitchen, wearing just a Santa hat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 902

You deserved it 328

Today, I was taking some clean bedsheets down from the top of the wardrobe. As I pulled the top sheet down, a cat jumped onto my face, claws and all, before falling to the floor and running away. Thing is, I don't own a cat and I have no idea where in the house it has hidden now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 844

You deserved it 3 092

Today, my little sister got into my anime DVDs, probably thinking they were cartoons. She watched High School DXD, which isn't the best anime for a 6-year-old. Now she wants to be the Breast Dragon Emperor for Halloween and Dad is threatening to set fire to my entire collection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 820

You deserved it 1 500

Same thing different taste

Explain yourself

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