Work: Today, at an open mic comedy club, my jokes went down so poorly... - FML

By Anonymous - 19/01/2013 00:26 - Iceland

Today, at an open mic comedy club, my jokes went down so poorly that someone decided to hurl a chair at me on-stage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 436

You deserved it 15 605

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 21/01/2015 05:34

Today, I did my first night of open-mic standup. The first 5 minutes went badly, but I don't know if it got any better afterwards, because a drunk audience member climbed up on stage and knocked me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 342

You deserved it 3 982

By Anonymous - 22/01/2012 08:25 - United States

Today, I was kicked out of a comedy club for laughing too loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 119

You deserved it 7 991

By sucker and suckatash/say don't spray - 17/07/2013 10:06 - United States - Pearl City

Today, I was doing stand-up comedy at open mic. The guy I like started laughing, but before I hit my punch line. Apparently, when I was speaking, I was occasionally spitting, and in the very bright light it was easy to see my spit hitting people in the face. They kept a tally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 988

You deserved it 6 698

By Sarri - 18/02/2014 02:13 - United States - Pembroke

Today, I worked up the courage to sing at an open mic night. I lost my cool halfway through because all I could hear was laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 414

You deserved it 5 411

Too challenging for you? That's my job! I'm an edgy comedian!

By Anonymous - 08/02/2023 00:00

Today, I was feeling down so my husband took me to a comedy show. This comedian saw me, heckled me for a full two minutes, then returned to me a further three times during his act to mock me again, zeroing in on every one of my insecurities until I left crying, feeling worse than ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 634

You deserved it 172

By Anonymous - 13/04/2015 15:23 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, my son invited me to his first standup comedy gig. I accepted, only to later suffer through an hour of the worst jokes I've heard in my entire life. It was so bad, he made Dane Cook look like a comic genius, and I had to resist heckling him. Hours later, I still feel vaguely suicidal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 933

You deserved it 6 042

Chill out, dude

By Anonymous - 01/02/2017 18:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was lectured about how emotionally immature I am by someone who, afterwards, promptly threw a chair out of anger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 159

You deserved it 553

By northernlass - 20/09/2010 04:47 - United States

Today, I was singing and playing keyboards with my band on stage at a club. A drunken chick from the crowd tried to climb up onto the stage in her heels, fell, and grabbed the back of my mic stand to catch herself. And busted me in the mouth with my own microphone. Then she requested a song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 936

You deserved it 2 677

Been there, done that

By Anonymous - 13/11/2024 03:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I confidently told a joke at a party, only to completely butcher the punchline. Everyone still laughed… at me instead of the joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 248

Turn around, Bright Eyes

By Alma - 01/10/2024 20:00 - Japan - Osaka

Today, I was at a karaoke bar. After a few drinks, I gave it a go. Halfway through “Total Eclipse of the Heart” I got so into it, I knocked over the mic stand. The mic flew off, hit the DJ, who then hit the emergency stop button, cutting off the music. I froze as the bar erupted into laughter. I did get a free Coke for my “performance,” which was something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 320

You deserved it 185

Next

Top comments

UnearthlyEnemy 9

Saturday 19 January 2013 5:08

Harsh crowd. Maybe you should try another gig, another place, another crowd. It'll hit eventually! Keep trying.

Lennes 12

Saturday 19 January 2013 5:09

It's difficult to speak in front of people, especially on a stage. Props to you. Most people don't have the guts for it.

Comments

oj101 33

Saturday 19 January 2013 5:45

It would be funnier to see someone get pelted with tomatoes than listen to cliché jokes at a grimy stand up gig.

PrincessLiLi_fml 7

Saturday 19 January 2013 5:46

That's hilarious, tell another!

Megan98 18

Saturday 19 January 2013 5:52

That is when I would've laughed.

kaycol 8

Saturday 19 January 2013 6:01

Someone call Tosh.0 for op

PenguinBitch 43

Saturday 19 January 2013 6:25

I really wished they had tomatoes. You see, I wasn't allowed in any of the acts but instead, I was put to clean the stage after the show was over. I thought I would have won the crowd over with my cleaning skills.

PenguinBitch 43

Saturday 19 January 2013 6:27

You know what stinks OP? Your act!! ...that was a terrible joke I'm sorry. *drops microphone*

muffinlovexD 12

Saturday 19 January 2013 6:29

Aw man! Don't give up! Gotta have hope, just like Dee Renolds from Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia. :p

BellaFurfaro 12

Saturday 19 January 2013 6:34

Drunks, gotta love 'em.

Bigger_than_Jesu 5

Saturday 19 January 2013 6:56

You didn't end your jokes by saying "it's funny because...", did you? I did once and had an ottoman thrown at me, but never a chair.

need2sleep 15

Saturday 19 January 2013 7:08

Maybe he thought your jokes would be funnier if you were sitting down!

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The Top

Today, I came home from class to find a nasty note on my roommate's toaster oven. Apparently, cleaning it once a week isn't enough, and she wants it cleaned right after using it, which she never told me all school year. I'm banned from using it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 636

You deserved it 330

Today, I rushed home because my wife called to let me know she was feeling horny for the first time after getting over a bad flu. I walked in the door and surprise surprise, her sister had called round, wanting sympathy after her latest fuckbuddy dumped her. Romantic mood ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 250

You deserved it 207

The Top

Today, I accidentally left the pantry open. My narcissistic mother’s response was to spit on me and tell me to kill myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 140

You deserved it 79

Today, I woke up approximately half a nanosecond after my dog involuntarily vomited in bed. On my face. I opened my mouth because it literally filled my nose. I swallowed out of reflex before I was fully awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 481

You deserved it 314

Today, my wife and I are having marital/intimacy issues. My 72 year-old mom basically told me to touch my wife, to hug her more, caress her lovingly, and pat her bottom, etc. Thanks mom, I'll grab her ass, that'll make it all better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 965

You deserved it 677

Today, I confronted my mom about her drinking problems. After I blurted everything out, she completely denied it. She did this as she was drinking a huge cup full of vodka. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 113

You deserved it 2 383

Today, I told my mom I wanted to see a doctor, because I feel like I’m slipping into depression. I told her I was so sad, I didn’t shower for 4 days. Her response? “I don’t believe that. You’ve always had great hygiene!” Duh, I’m not myself lately! Thanks for noticing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 029

You deserved it 153

Today, I figured out how serious my weight problem really is when my boyfriend had to lift a fat roll before he could enter me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 805

You deserved it 59 422