Health: Today, at church, I sneezed suddenly and messily into my hand... - FML

By BlueMacaw - 25/07/2016 14:38 - United States - Edmond

Today, at church, I sneezed suddenly and messily into my hand just as the priest asked us to stand and greet our neighbors with a handshake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 669

You deserved it 2 165

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Dirty girl

By Alyssa - 28/08/2019 04:00 - United States - Macon

Today, at church, while everyone was shaking hands and saying, “Peace be with you” to one another, a man took out hand sanitizer and washed his hands after he shook mine. And only mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 530

You deserved it 241

By Roostermann25 - 31/05/2016 01:34 - United States - Lebanon

Today, while meeting some of the big boss guys at my new job, one of the men sneezed on his hand and then grabbed mine for a handshake. I felt every gooey bit of his snot between our hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 891

You deserved it 988

By race - 18/11/2010 08:37 - Australia

Today, I was in a meeting and someone behind me sneezed really loudly. As they were doing so, I felt something cold land on my neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 667

You deserved it 2 679

By Anonymous - 01/02/2010 19:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I was giving a class presentation, when I suddenly sneezed so hard I wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 892

You deserved it 4 114

New face

By Anonymous - 02/11/2010 14:20 - United States

Today, I went back to work after being sick for a week. While I was gone, they hired a new manager. Trying to score bonus points, and possibly a raise, I went to shake her hand and introduce myself. Just as I was about to say, "Hello, my name is…" I sneezed right in her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 894

You deserved it 6 450

Gross

By maddie - 15/05/2020 05:00

Today, while I was working the drive-thru window, a customer sneezed into his hand and then handed me his money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 783

You deserved it 141

By errrmkl46 - 02/12/2009 06:25 - United States

Today, I sneezed in the shower. When I got out, I got a text from my creepy old neighbor saying "Bless you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 617

You deserved it 3 994

By BloodyMarry - 04/06/2013 17:53 - United States

Today, on the drive to church, I got a nosebleed. Not so bad, until I sneezed and splattered myself and my fiancé with blood, snot, and eventually tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 759

You deserved it 4 754

Let it all out

By Anonymous - 25/03/2023 22:00 - Australia

Today, I was in a meeting with my boss and some new clients when I sensed that I was about to sneeze. I tried to hold it in, but ended up sneezing AND farting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 836

You deserved it 140

By HWS - 15/04/2011 05:47 - Canada

Today, I sneezed so hard I fell down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 287

You deserved it 7 776

Next

Top comments

katelng09 16

Monday 25 July 2016 23:10

That's why you're supposed to sneeze into your elbow.

delichick 27

Monday 25 July 2016 23:21

Agrees with the other comments, sneeze into your elbow. Do you not have tissues with you? I dont always have tissues but Ive kept restaurant napkins in my backpack or in my pockets just in case. Put yourself in another persons shoes, would you shake hands with someone who just sneezed into their hand?

Comments

mattrd_fml 31

Tuesday 26 July 2016 1:13

you sneezed in your hand??? YDI op

ruudseriesx 25

Tuesday 26 July 2016 4:35

Don't shake other people's hands! It's bad karma!!

vandj8 9

Tuesday 26 July 2016 5:11

It's just your soul trying to escape, so what does it matter if your soul gets on your neighbor's hand?

BananEnigma 24

Tuesday 26 July 2016 8:54

Ectoplasmmmmmmmmm

fhksuaifk 16

Tuesday 26 July 2016 5:27

Use your other hand lol. Just tell them what happened

watermelon_bae 15

Tuesday 26 July 2016 5:44

Use your other hand.

mrBearBear 11

Tuesday 26 July 2016 5:49

Your post says hand. Could you not have used your other hand?

Calingaladha 21

Tuesday 26 July 2016 6:18

Just hold out your hands together and say "This is the boogie of Christ..."

delichick 27

Tuesday 26 July 2016 12:44

Awesome comment :)

Calingaladha 21

Tuesday 26 July 2016 19:13

Well, at least all that Catholic mass I was forced to attend did some good...

BodyElectric 18

Tuesday 26 July 2016 6:58

This is why you don't cough into your hand.

BananEnigma 24

Tuesday 26 July 2016 8:56

Aaaaaaannnnnddddddd it's not a cough......

cootiequeen4444 11

Tuesday 26 July 2016 9:19

please tell me you didn't shake some poor fool's hand with your freshly goober'd up hand... Then it wouldn't be eff your life. it would be effective theirs...

cootiequeen4444 11

Tuesday 26 July 2016 9:25

that noob moment when you wait for the countdown to go away so you can edit your comment only to find out that during the countdown is the only time you can edit.. sigh...

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Today, I woke up with a hangover and my girlfriend seemed pissed at me. It took me a while before I remembered having sex the night before. I just didn't know exactly what had happened after that had pissed her off. Then I realized nothing happened, because I fell asleep while she was on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 667

You deserved it 39 751

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I agree, your life sucks 57 090

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The Top

Today, at the soup kitchen I volunteer at, a guy called the food crap and threatened to shove his bowl up my ass if I didn't give him something better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 229

You deserved it 2 693

Today, the clock in the study lounge was off, so I was half-an-hour late to class. I was too embarrassed to walk in late, so I sat for the next half-hour with my ear against the door trying to hear the lecture. People stopped to ask if there was something wrong with me. Yeah, probably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 301

You deserved it 11 961

Today, I got my phone fixed after the screen had been shattered for four months straight. Then, the moment they handed it to me, it fell straight to the floor and shattered. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 311

You deserved it 239

Today, I had one of the worst first dates of my life. After leaving the restaurant early, we went to a party to try and salvage the night. My date then got wasted, ended up puking in the back seat of my car on the way home, then lied about it. My night ended with me cleaning vomit out of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 557

You deserved it 3 797

Today, I walked out onto the driveway to find my mom standing on the wet pavement, screaming at the worms that had come out after the rain, saying that they were "on private property" and that they were "trespassing." All of our neighbors had come out of their houses to watch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 007

You deserved it 2 400

Today, while researching tea etiquette for Sunday's tea, I read, "To put milk in your tea before sugar is to cross the path of love, perhaps never to marry." I suddenly panicked that this very lack of knowledge is why I haven't met a man who wants to marry me, and that I never will. I'm only 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 101

You deserved it 9 415