Intimacy: Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came... - FML

By Rumpkis - 05/12/2011 01:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came before I even got in her mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 969

You deserved it 18 671

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 30/12/2015 15:21 - Canada - Aurora

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 161

You deserved it 5 568

By shmarf - 20/06/2015 06:00 - United States - Belton

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 864

You deserved it 19 644

By Anonymous - 13/11/2010 05:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, the girl that I have been trying to get with for over a year told me she was drunk and just gave her first blowjob to some guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 623

You deserved it 4 799

By fuck - 24/07/2015 16:44 - Canada - Cowansville

Spicy

Today, about 30 seconds into my first blowjob, my girlfriend threatened to cut my balls off if I didn't "just fucking cum already". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 681

You deserved it 3 127

Nasty

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 11:24 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I got my first hand job. I started bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 524

You deserved it 5 891

First!

By karma - 28/01/2009 18:36 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I almost had an orgasm. Unfortunately, he had one first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 186

You deserved it 7 480

Self harm

By Embarrassed - 06/12/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, I managed to give myself a blowjob and it was great. The only problem is that I got stuck between the wall and my bed while I was doing it. I had to call for help and my whole family came to see what was wrong. They all knew what I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 392

You deserved it 6 227

The pleasure, the pain

By BadBribe - 24/06/2009 19:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me a blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 187

You deserved it 30 213

By noname - 04/12/2008 05:55 - France

Spicy

Today, after having waited three long months, my shy girlfriend finally gave me a blowjob. Everything was going really well until I said, "Wow, you're really talented. Anyone would think you've been practicing your whole life." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 648

You deserved it 61 874

By hitintheeye - 26/11/2011 15:09 - Canada

Spicy

Today, before my girlfriend gave me a blow job, she put on goggles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 609

You deserved it 17 155

Next

Top comments

fmessiah 19

Monday 5 December 2011 8:38

Wipe up, and start again.

C19_fml 9

Monday 5 December 2011 8:36

Well, better luck next time haha!

Comments

ibeinpain 5

Monday 5 December 2011 13:34

Doing it with Rosie Palm doesn't count.

awksome 0

Monday 5 December 2011 13:47

funny op! happens to most of us.. weird though how some people respond by calling it 'pathetic'... either they never had their first bj yet, or got amazing stamina for their 5th birthday..

MzEvryday90 0

Saturday 7 April 2012 16:38

At least somebody on here realizes its common. Though the ones who are calling it 'pathetic' are mostly girls. Like they know how it functions!

Steve95401 49

Monday 5 December 2011 13:48

That blows - but at least OP got his rocks off.

the17doctor 12

Monday 5 December 2011 13:51

It sucks to be you.

GypsyRover 0

Monday 5 December 2011 14:07

People have said that he suffers from premature ejaculation. It sounds to me that he's not suffering at all,it's her that suffers from it. Lol.

perdix 29

Monday 5 December 2011 14:23

Don't watch the "**** in My Pants" video. It'll **** you up! It happens, but when you're young, you should be able to reload quickly. Hopefully, you'll get another try.

Bullheard 0

Monday 5 December 2011 15:36

did u hav sex first?., if not then always use a condom if u dont want kids

unluckygirl86 4

Monday 5 December 2011 15:44

or stds

lustheart 7

Tuesday 6 December 2011 4:23

Or a rug burn.

pike1346 3

Monday 5 December 2011 15:44

That's terrible

MJEzinga 0

Monday 5 December 2011 15:45

What is this amateur hour???

unluckygirl86 4

Monday 5 December 2011 15:47

HAHA Moss

InuwindoW 13

Monday 5 December 2011 15:57

Pitiful!!!! Just unexcusable!

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Keywords

Love Cheating Money Relatable Work My ex Jealousy Health Accident ADHD Medication Snow Weather Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts

The Top

Today, I got into an argument with my boyfriend, who recently had to move away, about not calling me enough. Apparently his moving had meant that we were now taking a break, he just forgot to talk it over with me. He still wants to visit, and keep the relationship in bed alive though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 669

You deserved it 4 364

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love. Her phone rang, and she stopped to answer it. It was her ex-boyfriend, calling her from jail. She talked to him for 15 minutes. To top it all off, before she hung up, I heard her tell him she loved him, and couldn't wait for him to get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 816

You deserved it 4 306

The Top

Today, my nineteen-year-old son attempted to mug me. With a screwdriver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 909

You deserved it 370

Today, after I was away for a couple of days, my wife told me she’s been doing laundry while I was gone. I'd reminded her to clean out the lint catcher because it might catch fire. I came home to a new dryer and a smoke damaged house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 994

You deserved it 110

Today, during our date, I burst into tears like a nutjob because out of the 10 or so guys I’ve gone out with since I turned 17, literally none of them have been as nice to me as this one has. I got so emotional, we had to leave because of everyone staring at us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 279

Today, while at work as a telemarketer, I called a customer on his home phone. Once I was connected, an automated voice said, "To speak with a customer, please press 1." Confused, I pressed one. I then heard loud laughter followed by, "Oh my god! What a dumbass!" before they hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 299

You deserved it 23 127

Today, my girlfriend wanted to roleplay as a schoolgirl. I was excited, until we started and she asked me to lick her "vajayjay". I cringed so hard, my skull practically caved in. I broke down laughing while trying to explain my cringing. Now she's pissed and I'm blue-balled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 238

You deserved it 11 935

Today, some guy asked me if he could borrow my lighter. I said "of course," reached into my handbag, and gave him the lighter. He stared at me for a few seconds until I realised I'd given him a tampax. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 016

You deserved it 6 882