Intimacy: Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came... - FML

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By Rumpkis - 05/12/2011 01:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came before I even got in her mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 987

You deserved it 18 679

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 30/12/2015 15:21 - Canada - Aurora

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 181

You deserved it 5 580

Snowball

By shmarf - 20/06/2015 06:00 - United States - Belton

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 975

You deserved it 19 718

By Anonymous - 13/11/2010 05:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, the girl that I have been trying to get with for over a year told me she was drunk and just gave her first blowjob to some guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 645

You deserved it 4 809

By fuck - 24/07/2015 16:44 - Canada - Cowansville

Spicy

Today, about 30 seconds into my first blowjob, my girlfriend threatened to cut my balls off if I didn't "just fucking cum already". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 710

You deserved it 3 139

Nasty

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 11:24 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I got my first hand job. I started bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 540

You deserved it 5 895

First!

By karma - 28/01/2009 18:36 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I almost had an orgasm. Unfortunately, he had one first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 198

You deserved it 7 483

Self harm

By Embarrassed - 06/12/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, I managed to give myself a blowjob and it was great. The only problem is that I got stuck between the wall and my bed while I was doing it. I had to call for help and my whole family came to see what was wrong. They all knew what I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 398

You deserved it 6 255

The pleasure, the pain

By BadBribe - 24/06/2009 19:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me a blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 204

You deserved it 30 238

By noname - 04/12/2008 05:55 - France

Spicy

Today, after having waited three long months, my shy girlfriend finally gave me a blowjob. Everything was going really well until I said, "Wow, you're really talented. Anyone would think you've been practicing your whole life." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 658

You deserved it 61 891

By hitintheeye - 26/11/2011 15:09 - Canada

Spicy

Today, before my girlfriend gave me a blow job, she put on goggles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 616

You deserved it 17 164

Next

Top comments

fmessiah 19

Monday 5 December 2011 8:38

Wipe up, and start again.

C19_fml 9

Monday 5 December 2011 8:36

Well, better luck next time haha!

Comments

ibeinpain 5

Monday 5 December 2011 13:34

Doing it with Rosie Palm doesn't count.

awksome 0

Monday 5 December 2011 13:47

funny op! happens to most of us.. weird though how some people respond by calling it 'pathetic'... either they never had their first bj yet, or got amazing stamina for their 5th birthday..

MzEvryday90 0

Saturday 7 April 2012 16:38

At least somebody on here realizes its common. Though the ones who are calling it 'pathetic' are mostly girls. Like they know how it functions!

Steve95401 49

Monday 5 December 2011 13:48

That blows - but at least OP got his rocks off.

the17doctor 12

Monday 5 December 2011 13:51

It sucks to be you.

GypsyRover 0

Monday 5 December 2011 14:07

People have said that he suffers from premature ejaculation. It sounds to me that he's not suffering at all,it's her that suffers from it. Lol.

perdix 29

Monday 5 December 2011 14:23

Don't watch the "**** in My Pants" video. It'll **** you up! It happens, but when you're young, you should be able to reload quickly. Hopefully, you'll get another try.

Bullheard 0

Monday 5 December 2011 15:36

did u hav sex first?., if not then always use a condom if u dont want kids

unluckygirl86 4

Monday 5 December 2011 15:44

or stds

lustheart 7

Tuesday 6 December 2011 4:23

Or a rug burn.

pike1346 3

Monday 5 December 2011 15:44

That's terrible

MJEzinga 0

Monday 5 December 2011 15:45

What is this amateur hour???

unluckygirl86 4

Monday 5 December 2011 15:47

HAHA Moss

InuwindoW 13

Monday 5 December 2011 15:57

Pitiful!!!! Just unexcusable!

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The Top

Today, my stupid husband took away my Xbox because he happened to read the game warning that pregnant women should take precautions before playing. I have two months of bed rest left before I give birth and no Xbox. I’ll go mad if I have to just sit and watch TV. I want my Assassin's Creed back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 505

You deserved it 153

Today, my coworker and I debated whether 100 average dudes could take down one gorilla. He said, "Only if 30 of us are willing to die." I disagreed, so we started working it out, using a whiteboard to do the math… which we forgot to wipe before the next meeting. HR now has us on a watchlist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104

You deserved it 467

The Top

Today, while spending the night at a friend's house, I was woken up by someone kicking me. I figured she was having a nightmare, and since we were sharing a bed, I reached over to wake her up. Turns out it was her boyfriend trying to push me off the bed because they were having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 758

You deserved it 4 429

Today, my mom volunteered me to help out at her coworker's 5-year-old son's birthday party. I didn't realize until I got there that "helping out" meant "dressing up as Spider-Man". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 197

You deserved it 378

Today, I was singing and drumming on the steering wheel in my car while stuck in traffic, only to realize the car next to me was full of my carpooling coworkers, all staring at me in disbelief. They spent the day at the office requesting songs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 739

You deserved it 221

Today, I actually resorted to checking the newspaper obituaries to see where the deceased were employed, just so I can find a job opening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 394

You deserved it 5 421

Today, I opened my Christmas present from my parents. I got a road-side assistance package. I don't own a vehicle, and I don't even have a driver's license. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 495

You deserved it 3 575

Today, my mom called to tell me that I needed to clean the side of her couch. Why? Because someone picked their nose and wiped snot all on the side of it. She thinks it was me because I sat there last. It wasn't me. I don't even live there, but I have two teenage siblings that blame everything on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 892

You deserved it 164