Intimacy: Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came... - FML

By Rumpkis - 05/12/2011 01:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came before I even got in her mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 969

You deserved it 18 671

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 30/12/2015 15:21 - Canada - Aurora

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 161

You deserved it 5 568

By shmarf - 20/06/2015 06:00 - United States - Belton

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 864

You deserved it 19 644

By Anonymous - 13/11/2010 05:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, the girl that I have been trying to get with for over a year told me she was drunk and just gave her first blowjob to some guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 623

You deserved it 4 799

By fuck - 24/07/2015 16:44 - Canada - Cowansville

Spicy

Today, about 30 seconds into my first blowjob, my girlfriend threatened to cut my balls off if I didn't "just fucking cum already". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 681

You deserved it 3 127

Nasty

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 11:24 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I got my first hand job. I started bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 524

You deserved it 5 891

First!

By karma - 28/01/2009 18:36 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I almost had an orgasm. Unfortunately, he had one first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 186

You deserved it 7 480

Self harm

By Embarrassed - 06/12/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, I managed to give myself a blowjob and it was great. The only problem is that I got stuck between the wall and my bed while I was doing it. I had to call for help and my whole family came to see what was wrong. They all knew what I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 392

You deserved it 6 227

The pleasure, the pain

By BadBribe - 24/06/2009 19:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me a blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 187

You deserved it 30 213

By noname - 04/12/2008 05:55 - France

Spicy

Today, after having waited three long months, my shy girlfriend finally gave me a blowjob. Everything was going really well until I said, "Wow, you're really talented. Anyone would think you've been practicing your whole life." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 648

You deserved it 61 874

By hitintheeye - 26/11/2011 15:09 - Canada

Spicy

Today, before my girlfriend gave me a blow job, she put on goggles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 609

You deserved it 17 155

Next

Top comments

fmessiah 19

Monday 5 December 2011 8:38

Wipe up, and start again.

C19_fml 9

Monday 5 December 2011 8:36

Well, better luck next time haha!

Comments

raney150 0

Monday 5 December 2011 21:20

Some people are like that. I have never came during a ******* though. Idk why, I just wasn't able to. My first time having sex I came pretty quickly though.

tyler8888 0

Monday 5 December 2011 21:36

Slightly pathetic...

evaRed 0

Monday 5 December 2011 21:38

Really? That's sad

LordWicker 1

Monday 5 December 2011 22:25

thats weak

ninjacapo 2

Monday 5 December 2011 22:59

Haha thts hillarious cuz last night was the first time my gf let me cum in her mouth. Felt awesome. Sucks to be u

funkmastafranz 0

Monday 5 December 2011 23:09

You poor poor bastard..

almir1987 0

Monday 5 December 2011 23:17

Haha it happens lol Some musta been excited

dommyb69 0

Monday 5 December 2011 23:23

Uh, how

UnluckyDude96 8

Monday 5 December 2011 23:43

Woooow what a playa

Spyderbane 10

Monday 5 December 2011 23:52

Did you at least yell "Boom headshot"

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Keywords

Love Cheating Money Relatable Work Jealousy My ex Accident Health Medication ADHD Snow Weather Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird Dating AITA Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Fight

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I agree, your life sucks 487

You deserved it 105

Today, a student turned in homework she copied off an online answer key. The wrong key. My students are too stupid to cheat right. FML

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