Intimacy: Today, I asked my girlfriend when she would give me a blowjob.... - FML

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By Sal - 03/03/2009 18:29 - United States

Spicy

Today, I asked my girlfriend when she would give me a blowjob. She replied, "you know that won't happen, I'm a vegetarian." FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 052

You deserved it 31 140

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Same thing different taste

By ihateveganism - 22/08/2012 04:19 - United States - Barrington

Spicy

Today, my vegan girlfriend refused to give me a blowjob because, apparently, blowjobs aren't vegan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 321

You deserved it 10 019

By blondetergent - 20/06/2011 08:12 - Singapore

Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 923

You deserved it 15 353

By not even getting any of her shrimp - 11/02/2014 21:50 - United States - Draper

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a vegetarian-friendly restaurant. She ordered shrimp fettuccine, and I asked why. She slowly explained to me that vegetarians can eat shrimp, then muttered that she now knows who has the brains in our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 687

You deserved it 6 521

By Anonymous - 23/01/2011 00:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 559

You deserved it 14 772

By Dontworryaboutit - 28/12/2009 10:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I tried to get my girlfriend of nine months to have oral sex with me. She was eating a hot dog. She then said, "If you ask me again, this is what I'll do to you." She then bit the hot dog in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 457

You deserved it 38 967

Never gonna happen

By meat lover - 27/09/2022 15:30

Today, my girlfriend woke me up by saying, "Good morning! We're going to be vegans from now on." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 439

You deserved it 217

Timing

By Anonymous - 18/03/2017 07:00 - United States - Westerville

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a blowjob. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "What's that thing at the back of your throat called?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 634

You deserved it 1 196

Double standard

By NoSexForMe - 13/07/2014 07:46 - United States - Rancho Cucamonga

Spicy

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 824

You deserved it 8 661

Careless Whisper

By ihatejasonderulo - 02/09/2014 15:32 - United Kingdom - Hounslow

Spicy

Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 678

You deserved it 9 969

John Coltrane

By Anonymous - 11/04/2009 04:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, I asked my girlfriend of a year and a half to give me a blow job. She replied okay and bent down and blew on my penis. Then she looked up at me and said, "Was that good?" She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 122

You deserved it 22 211

Next

Top comments

Tehalon 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 23:18

If she ever expects you to go down on her then just reply with sorry you know that won't happen, I'm not a cannibal.

drybamboo 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 23:21

I didn't know consuming bodily fluids was a carnivore activity. Does that mean she doesn't condone french kissing? Unless she equates a ******* to actually biting off a piece off your whatwhat. In that case, you should probably be grateful that she is a vegetarian.

Comments

krishna1791 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 23:34

it's actually not that funny at all.

jleowags48 0

Wednesday 1 June 2011 7:07

actually. ya it is

ZING_MASTER 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 23:34

That's one MEATY ZING!!!

Seegtease 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 23:35

...that's the lamest reason ever. She could just say, yanno, "I don't really want to."

LittleMissMack 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 23:35

lol @ #18 you called yourself an asshole.

legitasaurusrex 0

Saturday 2 July 2011 7:31

your hat is ugly.

marryjaneex0 7

Sunday 7 August 2011 7:32

^ew ... your a bitch

Makismo 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 23:38

Well how much more natural and meat free can you get than semen? Tell her that! lol

ThatAznKiddEric 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 23:39

Damn man, girls have the worst and most hurtful excuses. wtf is wrong with saying no

alex_vik 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 23:45

Well, that's what happens when you date a vegetarian. Don't expect them to make sense.

cimcr8zee 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 23:46

Semen is vegetarian, but not vegan. If she is vegetarian, she was just using that as an excuse. And as someone with personal experience, some vegetarians are plenty adventurous in the bedroom...

0___0 9

Tuesday 3 March 2009 23:47

"If she's a vegetarian she *SHOULD* suck dick.. where else will she get her much needed proteïn?" ikr i'm a vegetarian but I always make an exception for mah man meat <3_<3 !~

jESuS_lOVeS_mE69 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 23:47

Tell her it's tofu

talonbronson 0

Saturday 30 January 2010 1:06

lol

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