Health: Today, I asked my surgeon if I would be having a general or local...

By pong - 06/08/2013 21:59 - France - Toulouse

Today, I asked my surgeon if I would be having a general or local anesthetic at my upcoming operation. He replied, "General, of course! It's gonna be a slaughterhouse in there!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 012

You deserved it 4 070

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

That hurts, BTW

By phillij2 - 09/07/2011 00:03 - United States

Today, I got surgery on one of my hands. I opted for a local anesthetic instead of being put all the way under. I soon discovered my hand hadn't gone completely numb when the doctor started slicing into the finger that needed operating on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 461

You deserved it 6 311

By DocBastard, meet DocCunt - 18/10/2013 22:12 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my surgeon was talking to me about my upcoming heart bypass operation. I was extremely nervous from the start, but he somehow managed to keep saying things like "death", "fatalities", "high-risk", and "never wake up" throughout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 190

You deserved it 3 533

By Anonymous - 31/10/2013 20:42 - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, I heard my surgeon mutter to a nurse how easy it would be to kill me on the operating table and make it look like an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 635

You deserved it 3 545

Crossing a line

By Anonymous - 20/02/2015 19:25 - United States - Wapakoneta

Today, my surgeon was giving me the lowdown of what was going to happen on the operating table. I was anxious enough without him saying stuff like "cut you open", "quite a bit of blood" and "it's all quite risky." That's all I remember before fainting. My wife won't stop mocking me for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 014

You deserved it 3 359

It's alive!

By yes I felt EVERYTHING - 11/01/2022 20:01

Today, I went in for surgery. All my life, my biggest fear has been that the anesthesia would paralyze me, but not actually put me to sleep. The doctors assured me the chances of that are almost none. You can probably guess how my surgery went. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 946

You deserved it 139

Surgery gone rogue

By Anonymous - 03/06/2012 20:27 - United States

Today, I was operating on a young girl, when she began to awaken during the surgery. We quickly put her back under, of course, but now I'm terrified that she'll remember my profuse cursing and get me in the shit with my curmudgeonly killjoy of a boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 987

You deserved it 11 435

By EnderHorse - 05/11/2015 20:52 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I went to the dentist to get a tooth worked on. I got tongue-tied and instead of asking if they could anesthetize me, I accidentally asked if they could euthanize me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 762

You deserved it 2 525

By Anonymous - 06/10/2013 21:49 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I started to come to during dental surgery. I clearly heard someone behind me say "Shit! Get this fucker back under!" then another person mentioning they'd have to kill me to avoid "another lawsuit", followed by laughter and the blackness of sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 506

You deserved it 3 847

By bouncekitty - 20/02/2011 17:04 - United States

Today, I had all of my wisdom teeth removed. After the anesthesia wore off, I asked how long the procedure took, and the nurse told me a little less than an hour. Apparently I thought this was hilarious and started laughing, which ripped my new stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 417

You deserved it 5 450

By Anonymous - 12/05/2009 20:56 - United States

Today, I had all four of my wisdom teeth extracted. Under anesthesia I told the dentist my entire love life and drug history in detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 839

You deserved it 15 017

DocBastard 38

Wednesday 7 August 2013 5:35

General anaesthesia is ALWAYS better. That way you can't hear us saying "Oh shit, what the hell is that?" and talking about you.

torio123 27

Wednesday 7 August 2013 5:33

That is so metal

Comments

Poppipuff 14

Thursday 8 August 2013 4:16

I live in Toulouse. Remind me to never talk to your surgeon ._.

AGuyNamedI 7

Thursday 8 August 2013 4:17

Thank god I don't live in France.

outoftown 26

Thursday 8 August 2013 4:38

There are surgeons like that everywhere, 94. But perhaps you meant the cheese or wine?

the_real_dvd 21

Thursday 8 August 2013 4:43

Gender reassignment is a very complex surgery.

UNLUCKYyY1037 26

Friday 9 August 2013 23:13

What a sense of humor... I hope

WhiteCrimson 23

Monday 12 August 2013 6:20

What an cool doctor. He has a cool sence of humor lol

boverboots 11

Tuesday 24 September 2013 15:46

that's actually pretty funny but wouldn't be the best thing to hear if you're having surgery

Keywords

Awkward Love My ex AITA Jealousy Friends Poopoo peepee Health Embarrassing Sports Proposal Annoying Snow Cold weather Cheating Work Money Relatable Kids Parenting DIY Accident Parents Medication ADHD Weather Miscellaneous Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird

The Top

Today, my boyfriend started to suck on my boob, which I quite enjoy, until he said he was breastfeeding and called me "Mummy". I don't think I can ever let his mouth near my boobs ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 006

You deserved it 3 398

Good morning guys! Today's interview has been done in some extreme circumstances. It was about 36° Celsius, and half of the Completely Serious Comics crew was working while the other one was cooking. Well, it was a bit crazy as you can imagine. So m...

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 17

The Top

Today, I vomited so hard into the toilet that the water splashed back into my face. I instinctually moved away only to finish puking on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 601

You deserved it 860

Today, my mother was driving me and my friends to a wedding. My friends and I were talking about birth control, and then my mother chimes in, "Yeah, I used to use the sponge, but the spermicide would always burn your dad's penis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 434

You deserved it 7 290

Today, I agreed to care for my girlfriend’s sister's dog. She assured us that the dog was housetrained, but when I got home from work at 07:00 AM my girlfriend was sleeping and there was not only one “accident” but five. This is going to be a fun weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 131

Today, the guy I like shoved me out of the way so he could talk to another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 891

You deserved it 5 183

Today, my dad offered to take me and my sister to school because we just moved houses. On the way, he asked us why we looked so tired. We just said we were tired from moving house. Truth is, our room is right next to theirs. We heard everything. Loud and clear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 447

You deserved it 2 401

Today, I came back home from a holiday with family. Finally being on my own, I did some catching up on my masturbation. I have jerked off so much and/or so vigorously, I now have a carpet burn on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 320

You deserved it 1 658