Intimacy: Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack... - FML

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 05:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 507

You deserved it 150

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Top comments

It_Doesnt_Matter 0

Thursday 2 April 2009 16:06

HOLY ******* SHIT, NEW FAVORITE FML!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahah I WANNA BE YOUR FRIEND.

phillip1337 0

Thursday 2 April 2009 16:07

seriously, you have the greatest mom on earth!

Comments

kiwie_fml 0

Friday 3 April 2009 2:29

Your mom is freaking hilarious.

tipple 0

Friday 3 April 2009 2:42

This is still the funniest FML I've ever read!! If I hadn't been whacking off into a Santa Hat at the time, I would have jizzed my pants!! Yeah - give your Mom a high-five from all of us!

lol_everyday 0

Friday 3 April 2009 2:59

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA. omg. your mom WINS.

babyyx 0

Friday 3 April 2009 2:55

hahahahahahahahaha,

Ezzie 0

Friday 3 April 2009 3:07

Dude, your mom is awesome. Still, I sympathize.

brandnew02 0

Friday 3 April 2009 3:21

haha ur mom gets the most awesome mom award for that one

justjayit 0

Friday 3 April 2009 3:40

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO that is horrifying and hilarious.

starvingxartist 0

Friday 3 April 2009 3:45

lmaooo hahah. that made my day.

citizenvish 0

Friday 3 April 2009 3:59

Dude, this is low. Still, I'll agree with the lot... your mom's one of the coolest ever.

Bunbu 8

Friday 3 April 2009 4:18

Your mom is freaking awesome. Ahaha. :3

15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Embarrassing Sleep Work Dating Love Annoying Am I overreacting? Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Relatable Medication Teenagers Dogs Animals Video games Gamers Ironic Zoom

The Top

Today, my husband threw a bitch-fit and made passive aggressive remarks throughout the entire day. What did I do? Call him out on commenting an eggplant, peach, and winky face emoji under a female friend’s picture. He deactivated all social media accounts and shouted, “Are you happy now? I can’t talk to anyone now!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 554

You deserved it 94

Today, my husband filed for divorce. He also put himself “In a relationship” with my daughter on Facebook. She turned 18 a few days ago. He says it’s no big deal because, “at least I waited until she was legal.” The spineless idiot just doesn’t get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 087

You deserved it 160

The Top

Today, I was cutting the grass when I saw a man staring at me from my neighbor's garage. This went on for 5 minutes until I finally yelled, "Hello?" There was no response, and I was creeped out, so I called my neighbor. It was a life-sized Paul McCartney cutout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 970

You deserved it 36 393

Today, I turned 37. My acne turned 24, my eating disorder 22, my chronic digestive issues 35 and my insomnia 16. My boobs, on the other hand, look like they just turned 60. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 665

You deserved it 232

Today, is the first weekend I have off this summer. Instead of letting me see my friends, my dad printed out a practice SAT exam. I've already taken the SAT. He just "doesn't want me to get rusty". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 934

You deserved it 3 601

Today, my mom blew her top when I casually mentioned that it's pretty well known that the story of Jesus is a retelling of older Persian and Egyptian stories. She then went on to yell at me that I wasted my money on college and "book learning". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 377

You deserved it 10 725

Today, the company I work for is now an online company, meaning we work from home. My boss suggested I live with him and I would still get my salary; if I don’t, I will get paid via 3% commissions on systems that barely sell. The worst part of all of this is that every day I get shouted at for nothing. I hate my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 735

You deserved it 135

Today, my boss came storming towards me, screaming just how tired she is with my constant bullshit. Already pissed off, I retorted that she's a bitch and should go lose some pounds. Turns out she was talking to her husband on her Bluetooth headset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 769

You deserved it 77 806