Intimacy: Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack...

FML for mobile
Free

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 05:13 - United States

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 509

You deserved it 151

Epic Easter: Chases and Chutes
From egg hunts gone wrong to unforgettable family dinners, Easter has never been so much fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Top comments

It_Doesnt_Matter 0

Thursday 2 April 2009 16:06

HOLY ******* SHIT, NEW FAVORITE FML!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahah I WANNA BE YOUR FRIEND.

phillip1337 0

Thursday 2 April 2009 16:07

seriously, you have the greatest mom on earth!

Comments

fetussammich 0

Friday 3 April 2009 12:25

LOL.

ideataxi 0

Friday 3 April 2009 12:30

that is really excellent, your mum rules

theoldGP 0

Friday 3 April 2009 14:15

THIS IS SO GREAAAAATTTT. i love your mom =] ahahhahaha its so hilarious. i literally just laughed outloud. you seriously just made my day.

DankJemo 0

Friday 3 April 2009 14:49

Bahahahahahaha! your mom burned you, man! Maybe now you will go out on the town and find someone with a little less thread count.

woooaaaaa 0

Friday 3 April 2009 15:23

HAHAHAH moms are seriously the most awkward creatures to grace this planet.

f_ckerdef_ck 0

Friday 3 April 2009 15:36

hahahaha you have a GREAT mom! lol

El_Oh_El 0

Friday 3 April 2009 16:13

LOLOLOLOL!!11!!1 Your mom rockz my sockz~

dcapp 0

Friday 3 April 2009 19:36

hahahaha your mom is ballin

Yoya_fml 0

Friday 3 April 2009 20:12

hahahaha your mom rock..!

takran 0

Friday 3 April 2009 20:13

Instant favorite FML. Your mom wins.

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Capitalism Health Sports Awkward Work Friends Weird Management Relatable Birthday Teenagers Phobias Insects Embarrassing Food Smells Restaurants Poopoo peepee Relationship advice #FAFO Intimacy Sex Family Money Kids Skincare Love Housework Technology

The Top

Today, it was the girl of my dreams' birthday. She already knows I am totally in love with her. So for her birthday I decided to buy her a $60 dollar bottle of rum for her and her friends to have fun with. She picked it up from my house with her new boyfriend waiting in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 581

You deserved it 40 144

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm too "high maintenance". And that's because I ask him to use condoms when we have sex, and I refuse to invite my friends over for threesomes. I don't know why I'm not actually glad we are broken up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 903

You deserved it 5 996

The Top

Today, I came home to find the dog had learned how to open our stair-gate and kitchen door, devoured the entire fruitcake I'd made for a special occasion, and then vomited said fruitcake all over the fabric sofa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 526

You deserved it 4 389

Today, during science, my friend thought it would be funny to pour corrosive acids into the reaction test I was making. I had to explain to my parents why I have no eyebrows, but the worst part is that I only got a D. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 615

You deserved it 335

Today, my husband is furious because I accused him of being in love with my best friend. He talks about her constantly, perks up like a puppy when she comes over, and occasionally only gets erections if I talk about her. Even the kids have noticed how moonstruck he is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 878

You deserved it 163

Today, I was unloading things into a hotel. As I went to get a bag out in the hallway, the room door closed and I had no key. When I knocked and asked my family to let me back in, no one answered. The doors are clearly not soundproof. I could hear them debating whether or not to let me back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 446

You deserved it 4 086

Today, my husband had heart attack symptoms on the way to his family event. We stopped, called an ambulance, and he was taken off to hospital. I called his family to update them. They still expected us to turn up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 107

Today, while taking a shower, I was enthusiastically singing one of my favorite songs. When I got out, I noticed a bunch of things missing, and a note on my desk saying "shut the f*ck up, you suck." I was robbed and judged by a thief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 097

You deserved it 4 304