Intimacy: Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack... - FML

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 05:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 507

You deserved it 150

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Top comments

It_Doesnt_Matter 0

Thursday 2 April 2009 16:06

HOLY ******* SHIT, NEW FAVORITE FML!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahah I WANNA BE YOUR FRIEND.

phillip1337 0

Thursday 2 April 2009 16:07

seriously, you have the greatest mom on earth!

Comments

Stainless 0

Friday 3 April 2009 1:12

that is a funny mom XD

lolo527 0

Friday 3 April 2009 1:18

LMFAO!!! Your mom is awesome!

tr1x_ 1

Friday 3 April 2009 1:18

haha your mom's funny

louisianagrrrrl 0

Friday 3 April 2009 1:22

haha wow your mom is kind of creepy...funny tho!

citruslatte 0

Friday 3 April 2009 1:28

OUCH. hahahha. but ouch.

xOpheliacx 0

Friday 3 April 2009 1:30

XDD this is the funniest thing I've heard in a while. Thank you so much for making my day. ahahaha.

alwaysloveashxx 0

Friday 3 April 2009 1:34

I so want to be your friend.

marykateex3 0

Friday 3 April 2009 1:57

...I guess you two won't be sock shopping together anytime soon. Your mom is amazing - new best friend :D This is one of the funniest FMLs on the site. Much better than, "They called me ugly. FML." ::continues to laugh hysterically::

rawr12 0

Friday 3 April 2009 2:11

hahahahh your mom is hilarious

geekizoid 0

Friday 3 April 2009 2:18

I LOVE YOUR MOM!

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Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Embarrassing Sleep Work Dating Love Am I overreacting? Annoying Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Fight Public freakouts Drugs Neighbours Cops Medication Relatable Animals Dogs Teenagers Gamers Ironic Video games Job interview

The Top

Today, I’ve been getting a lot of strange messages from guys on the dating site I use, then I realised why: on my profile pic I'm sat down and you can see my nice underwear up my skirt. That explains the messages, they thought I was trolling for men to hump and dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 979

Today, I told my wife I had a huge Zoom interview and could not be disturbed under any circumstances. Nevertheless, she called her mom, got into a screaming argument the interviewer could clearly hear, then came into my office to cry on my shoulder. She doesn't understand why I'm furious with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 572

You deserved it 67

The Top

Today, my best friend resolved things with her boyfriend after he had admitted to cheating on her. I felt really guilty, because I drunkenly hooked up with her boyfriend last month. She said, "I felt better when he told me that the girl was extremely ugly and bad in bed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 969

You deserved it 112 606

Today, some kid on the bus kept pissing me off, making fart jokes and singing the Peppa Pig theme song on repeat. Angrily, I confronted him and asked him if he was 7. He retaliated with, "Yeah, 7 inches deep in your MOM!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 624

You deserved it 978

Today, I was supposed to present a speech on diabetes. The girl who went first chose the same subject, knowing I'm diabetic and that it was my topic. I went last, so I had to change half of my speech on the spot. I sounded ignorant about my own illness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 046

You deserved it 6 526

Today, I was on a train when an old man standing next to me very obviously checked me out, caught my eye, and winked. He spent the next five minutes rubbing his penis against my leg. When I turned to tell him off, the train lurched, and the old man fell face first into my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 497

You deserved it 6 861

Today, I went shopping with my Mom. I ran into my crush. A school dance is soon and he WAS just about to ask something but my mom glanced over and yelled "TAMPONS OR PADS, SWEETIE?!" He then changed his question to "Haha, so which?" And before I could say a word, my mother answered for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 010

You deserved it 3 670

Today, my wife is 20 weeks pregnant and today is the first day that my natural, clean scent makes her nauseous. We don’t have somewhere else I can sleep and we both work from home. Twenty more weeks to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 625

You deserved it 137